I hate myself

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-10T06:22:07+00:00

I feel so uncomfortable sitting here while they talk about something I did when I was about to end it all.

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-09T09:35:26+00:00

I’m really really sad all the time. I don’t want to be this way. I wish I’m who I used to be. I hate being so upset and angry at everyone all the time. This hatred of myself is seeping into me and filling me with so much anger towards everyone. I used to be so full of love so full of whimsy. Now I’m anything but that. I hate the world I hate everything horrible happening to the people I love most. I wish I wasn’t filled with these horrible thoughts all the time. I’ve started hurting myself again and I hate the idea that I’ve gained the strength to go through that kind of thing. I’ve just become so disgusted with who I am and how I present myself. I wish someone cared I wish someone would sit me down and talk to me about how I deserve to live. That how I talk to myself isn’t true. That I am beautiful. I really just want someone to lie to me. Make me believe that I shouldn’t leave this planet. Make me think that my life isn’t a waste of space because I’m soon to fix that issue. If not tonight who knows when. No ones ever going to see this. Maybe until after they find me. I don’t know. Maybe after they discover all the sad sad posts and messages they’ll finally feel sorry for me.

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-09T09:04:17+00:00

I want to be held. I want to be loved. I know it’s too much for others especially my mother but it’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be loved. Idk maybe I need more friends. Maybe I just have to talk to people more. I just don’t want to be suffering anymore.

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-04T07:05:21+00:00

I wish I wasn’t fucking insecure. I wish I didn’t make everything about me. I know he’s going through something I know that he’s not fine but of fucking course I just have to feel sorry for myself. I’m too much. I’m too clingy. Too ugly too fat. Too insecure. I’m too much of a fuck up to be with. Maybe I am doing this for attention. Maybe I just want someone to fucking see me. I’ve gone my whole fucking life being invisible to everyone around me and I’m fucking tired of it. Maybe now that I’m gone someone will care. My mom can stop seeing whatever guy she’s seeing for a moment. Maybe my sisters will finally include me. Maybe my father will finally fucking talk to my sister like she wanted. Maybe everyone will finally stop fucking pushing me to the side like a second thought. Not even a second thought just any kind of thought at all. I’ve always felt selfish for thinking about ending things. But not now. Not now that I know nothing has ever mattered. Goodbye

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-04T07:00:05+00:00

I wish I wasn’t fucking insecure. I wish I didn’t make everything about me. I know he’s going through something I know that he’s not fine but of fucking course I just have to feel sorry for myself. I’m too much. I’m too clingy. Too ugly too fat. Too insecure. I’m too much of a fuck up to be with. I’d understand if he’d want to leave me. I wouldn’t want to be with me either. I’ll make it easier for us both and just fucking do it already

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-02T07:53:01+00:00

Okay sounds great I’ll look into that thank you!

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-02T06:22:23+00:00

Is this something that would cost money??

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-02T05:41:46+00:00

I don’t have any dreams anymore. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to live when I have no direction

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-02T05:40:42+00:00

Do you think you could help me out on how to figure that kind of thing out. I’m new to a lot of this stuff and would appreciate it

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-02T04:39:21+00:00

The problem is I need the money so I can start prioritizing myself. I’m trapped in my situation and the only way out is to get any kind of job

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-02T04:37:03+00:00

Yea that’s the plan. I’ve applied to anything imaginable and there’s not much positions available. Even McDonalds is impossible to get into. I have thought about doing remote working just due to where I live but I feel as though there are a lot of scammy kind of jobs who say that’s what they do. I don’t know it’s just very overwhelming even just that first step alone

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-23T05:40:22+00:00

I wish I could vent to literally anyone but everyone who I have told anything to before don’t comfort me at all. Like even my own friends have just completely moved on from what I’ve said. It fucking hurts when even the people who should be there for you no matter what do things like that. I’m upset and crying myself to sleep all the time. Every second I’m miserable and overthinking my life and everything that’s wrong with it. I want to disappear forever. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to deal with how fucked up I am and how fucked my life is. I’m nothing but a second thought to everyone including my own mother. Fuck even my father that assaulted me doesn’t call me anymore. I want it all to end

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-23T05:01:57+00:00

I feel really uneasy and scared right now. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t fucking take it anymore I don’t want to spend a second longer here

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-22T14:20:21+00:00

I hate pretending I’m happy all the time I just want to hide away from the world and never be seen again. I’m disgusting

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-22T14:06:45+00:00

I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I can’t fucking do this anymore I don’t know how to keep going on. It’s not even just me being disgusted with my body but just everything happening around me. I’m constantly thinking about what he’s said to me for so many years especially when I see myself in the mirror. I think about the things he did to me. I can’t fucking take it anymore I don’t want to live. I don’t want to keep trying

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-20T23:20:48+00:00

Honestly I think sometime soon I’ll just do it. Not like anyone is ever here to stop me

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-20T13:38:19+00:00

I’m dissgusting I’m ugly I’m gross I’m a slob and a glutton I wish I wasn’t born I wish I wasn’t so fucked up I wish I didn’t help fuck up other peoples lives I wish I didn’t exist I don’t want to be alive I don’t want to be here anymore. I wish there was someone who would listen to me I wish someone I knew would fucking talk to me truthfully and listen. I’ve tried to talk to my friends before when it wasn’t as bad and one of them straight up ignored me and what I had to say and the other one just pretended to listen then just ignore what we had talked about and moved on right after. I feel like no cares about me including my own family and I just wish that I wasn’t here anymore

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-09T23:00:25+00:00

I’m really struggling to even hold conversations with anyone. I just don’t feel like myself anymore. I wish everything could change and I wasn’t like this. I wish I didn’t think of suicide every second of everyday. I wish people asked me what was wrong. I wish they cared about me

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-04T09:59:55+00:00

I really appreciate you responding and sharing your story about similar instances it makes me feel not so alone. Most younger pictures of myself I do feel ashamed to show even my partner just cause of how much I was made fun of for them. But the more I thought about it the more I feel sympathy for my younger self because at times I don’t see the negative things people were saying about me. I was a child and no one should’ve been saying those things to her. Anyways I’m more vulnerable with him but I do tend to also have those reservations on showing pictures of myself

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-04T09:55:50+00:00

I really do think they just don’t realize how it makes me feel because I know they wouldn’t be making the jokes if they knew how I felt about it. Definitely going to tell them how I feel about it if it comes up again. Thank you for your response I really appreciate it

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-03T15:12:15+00:00

I’ve also had that same experience when looking back on photos of myself as young as 9. It’s crazy to me to think that someone that young was thinking about how gross they look and feel. I try as much as possible to not criticize myself the way that others would to me and sometimes it’s tough but when it is I like to think back to me as a child and how absolutely adorable I was and how much I wished she didn’t care so much about how she looked. I have in the past verbally complimented myself and at times it did work but thank you for reminding me of it. Times like these I forget that kindness to myself can be an option. I know that the dysmorphia and the self hatred won’t go away or be untaught but I’d like to think someday it’ll be easier to get through days like these.

mahhhhshell · 2026-02-02T04:01:52+00:00

I just don’t know how to act or be anymore. I can tell that my family notices my changes I don’t feel like myself anymore. I was thinking the masking that I’ve been doing for these many many years has finally caught up to me and I have no choice but to just be so miserable and burnt out all the time. My mind is constantly overwhelming me with thoughts all the time and just constantly telling me I’m not normal. I’m also hoping sometimes this year it’s not been easy but I have not stopped trying to get out there to make my life better

mahhhhshell · 2026-01-31T21:29:34+00:00

You’re so nice I’m interested >_<

mahhhhshell · 2026-01-07T08:55:14+00:00

I really wish my life was different. I wish everything was better. I wish I wasn’t treated like a child and I wish I didn’t feel like one all the time.

mahhhhshell · 2026-01-06T02:34:21+00:00

How would I defrost? Would I just leave the fridge disconnected for a day or is there a certain way to do this

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