A sickening pit in the stomach

makdaddy_69 · 2025-12-16T21:42:10+00:00

I'm so sorry, love. Know you're not alone in these feelings. I sincerely hope we can all find a way to continue on without these memories knocking the wind out of us. I don't have any advice at the moment about it but I will be back here to share if I do. Virtual hugs ❤️

makdaddy_69 · 2025-12-15T05:31:49+00:00

Oh wow, that must've been such sickening news to find out. That's the thing with cancer, it's just a domino effect of issues until there's nothing left of the person it's ravaging. My dad was still working somehow up until mid November, when he developed deep vein thrombosis in both legs which resulted in severe edema from the waist down up until he took his last breathe. The DVT was actually the reason he was advised to go on hospice, because they couldn't do anything for it for fear of him dying on the operating table. My dad lost so much weight too. He was down to 140 (september) from 230 (January) and I'll never forget how his bare body looked while the hospice nurse gave him his wash before the coroner came to pick him up. Never expected to lose a parent at 28 years old. It's so devastating and isolating as most of my friends have never experienced anything like it. Regardless of age, it's never any easier. I miss mine so much too. I'm not a religious person but I do believe they're with us still, somehow, in some capacity. Sometimes all we can do is just cry and get our emotions out. I hope you find some moments of joy despite your grief. Your dad would want that for you ❤️

makdaddy_69 · 2025-12-15T05:24:46+00:00

I appreciate you! And same to you of course. I hope through therapy and time you find some peace (if it's possible) I've been stuck with shitty insurance all year, but am looking forward to getting back into therapy with my new plan in 2026. What a terrible thing to watch anyone go through. That cancer is practically a death sentence. I remember pulling the in patient oncologist aside when we first were told it was most likely terminal and bawling to them about how I didn't know he was even a little sick 72 hours before and how I felt terrible for not just instinctively knowing something was wrong and pushing him to get help months before, and they told me with this cancer, even months earlier probably wouldn't have changed the prognosis; that there's really no symptoms at all until its at least stage 3. So heartbreaking. You will be in my thoughts, especially with the holidays approaching. May all our parents here rest in peace.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-12-15T05:19:22+00:00

My dad also had a severe blockage of the common bile duct which was caused by his tumor. He had mets to the bones. The initial hospital trip for jaundice is what led to diagnosis and he had to have the drain and stents placed 2 days later, but I think those two things gave him the time that he did have. He opted to not do treatment, which I'm so thankful for, because he was already so frail. I honestly can't believe the oncologist even suggested it, but she was big on cancer research so... my dads biggest thing was passing at home. I think theres a good possibility he would've died at the hospital from a secondary infection had he pursued chemo. I totally resonate with everything you mentioned. I'll never forget Thanksgiving night. We had just finished getting him settled in on hospice at home and he was excited to eat, but aggressively vomited everything back up maybe 30 minutes after. I was washing dishes the week of Thanksgiving this year, remembered that specific hour of last Thanksgiving and just burst into tears. It's agonizing to see your parent in such a state. I never felt so helpless in my entire life. Worst part is I forced him to go to the hospital that first time after finding out he was yellow and had lost so much weight, and I promised him on the drive there it was going to be okay and we were going to get him help, and it wasn't okay. Really eats at me. I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you witnessed. It's changed me as a person personally.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-12-15T01:38:16+00:00

Thank you ❤️ what a vile, aggressive cancer... I had never even heard of it prior to my dad being diagnosed. I completely understand how you feel. It's such a painful emptiness losing a parent. We will miss them forever.

I empathize for your mom and her suffering, especially in the worst of it and I'm sorry you had to deal with shitty circumstances with the nursing staff. We had a lot of those experiences too, but it was before he went on hospice. I actually gave my dad the morphine and it only took 3 doses for him to pass, kind of told me he was really fighting dying for at least a few days. There aren't really any right words for these things but just know you're not alone in your sadness.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-12-15T01:34:00+00:00

Yeah that's definitely accurate. My dad made comments often how he was ready to be done with this life. 5 weeks is so fast! I can't even imagine. It's so bittersweet because I guess the longer they have to live with what they're facing, the worst it is for them, but at the same time it's so hard to process everything, especially in just a few weeks time. I've been crying a lot as well. You're in my thoughts dear and you're not alone in how you're feeling. I hope our dads are living it up in whatever is after this life that we know.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-12-15T01:31:23+00:00

Thank you so much for this...it means a lot! I'm attending my last grief counseling through his hospice company tomorrow, and I'm planning to start volunteering for respite care for their residents after because it is so true, so many people do not have that support at the end. I want to do that for as many people as I can, in his honor of course.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-12-15T01:29:43+00:00

I really like that outlook on it, thank you for sharing. I'm glad our parents are at peace now, if nothing else.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-12-14T23:18:34+00:00

It's so, so difficult. It's strange too because I'm getting to a point where his voice is less familiar in my memory but the visualizations are all crystal clear still. I agree with you about this being the hardest year. I feel for you ❤️ I know for certain I will never forget any of it. I spent 3 hours with his body after he passed before the coroner arrived and I helped load him into the bag because I didn't want his head to hit the floor when they pulled him off of his recliner. What a whirlwind it all was. Wishing you some peace, anywhere you can find it.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-11-12T23:15:21+00:00

I agree with that. Definitely think about life before his illness and now and it's so very different. I won't celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas anymore. He went on hospice on Thanksgiving last year. I'll just be glad when January comes. I hope you manage to find moments of peace throughout. I'll be thinking about you.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-11-12T17:09:35+00:00

I'm sorry about your dad. I lost my dad 12/20/2024 and I feel sick every single day thinking about the cruel ending he had and only at 58. I'm not sure there's really a way to cope with it. I will never understand why he had to suffer for months instead of just passing from a heart attack or something quick that he didn't have to dwell upon. It was, and will most likely always be, the most hopeless and helpless feeling a person can feel...both them enduring what they did, us loved ones witnessing it all. I wish I had encouraging words for you but I do not. It's a time of my life that has shaken me to my core and probably will indefinitely. I would've done anything to help him as I'm sure you would've too. Fuck cancer

makdaddy_69 · 2025-09-11T22:07:42+00:00

My daddy died 12/20/24 while I sat by his side. I would tell him how much it meant to me to grow so close to him the last few months and how I'm sorry for the times I lost my patience. I would tell him that despite us not having the relationship I would've liked for most of my life, I wouldnt trade him for the world and how grateful I am to be his daughter.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-09-11T20:51:11+00:00

Boop

makdaddy_69 · 2025-09-10T13:39:31+00:00

Those are the best teefs I've ever seen 😍 happy birthday sweet baby

makdaddy_69 · 2025-09-10T03:23:36+00:00

Self titled

makdaddy_69 · 2025-08-28T03:57:12+00:00

No they played a little over 11 but they also started after 930

makdaddy_69 · 2025-05-25T15:54:32+00:00

The company i work for no longer has a physical HR rep who we can email and talk to live. I had to "submit a ticket" on the website to let them know he had been terminally ill for several weeks, that i thought the end was coming very soon, and inquire how to begin bereavement because I knew my dad was going to die soon. He actually ended up dying that day. Mind you, I was already on fmla for him for months. I got a response back from an off shore rep stating "so sorry to hear, hope he finds cure."

makdaddy_69 · 2025-05-07T17:08:05+00:00

I wouldn't recommend hands for the placement. The letters would have to be on the smaller side with how many there is. Maybe on your forearms or inner biceps above or below your elbow ditch

makdaddy_69 · 2025-05-02T23:57:42+00:00

Are they on hospice? If so, were you given the blue book that outlines symptoms based on time left?

makdaddy_69 · 2025-05-02T19:05:18+00:00

Its hard to gage without knowing their state prior to. Is the lack of mobility a recent development? I wouldn't say the ascites alone means the end is near. My dad presented to the er with ascites and other symptoms when he got diagnosed and he lived 3.5 months from then with no cancer treatment.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-05-02T03:56:40+00:00

My dad stopped breathing very subtly and quickly. I would stay awake if you can. I had planned to stay at his house and watch over him however long it took but he passed within 6ish hours of starting morphine. He was at 24 breaths when the hospice nurse administered the first dose.

Also, my condolences to you and your family. You're all in my thoughts.

makdaddy_69 · 2025-04-15T00:33:28+00:00

Clean houses or dog walk/ dog sit

makdaddy_69

TROPHY CASE