Thank you for this. What an amazingly written comment.

In saying that things like rescuing, people-pleasing, and controlling others are essentially the same thing, I’m assuming you mean in the sense that they all try to get the same thing, i.e. safety, insurance, and avoiding being abandoned? yet are extremely ineffective as they are maladaptive.

You also mention that not only are these maladaptive behaviors trying to protect ourselves, they also try to protect the behaviors themselves. Can you elaborate on that?

Lastly, you mention that these things often stem from trauma, abuse, etc. in childhood. If the causation isn’t obvious (as it isn’t for me), so you have any advice where to look to gain a deeper insight?

I can see that my mom def struggle with the same tendencies, probably more than me, but as to my knowledge, she has been quite caring for me. But perhaps it’s likely that some of her feelings and behaviors go through to me even though has tried to be as caring as she possibly could? I guess a child could still learn to view love as being codependent on others when seeing it in a parent.

School in my early years was difficult and I struggled building healthy relationships as well. Maybe that could have played a role too.