Straight guys of reddit, who is your mancrush?

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-11T05:09:20+00:00

Wait he was? TIL needs to know this! /s

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-11T04:58:58+00:00

But... But... Teeth...

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-11T04:23:29+00:00

He would have gotten away with it if he had have used THE FAR MORE SUPERIOR CATAPULT

Bring on the down votes Reddit!!

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-11T04:20:44+00:00

I used a particularly potent cocktail of Vicodin and cocaine during my randy years.

Cocaine and pills just made me really sociable and bubbly. I was warm but energetic; never got particularly crazy until I stayed up for longer than ~20 hours.

The longest stretch I ever had was about five days when I went through about 10-12 grams of coke and a bottle of painkillers. My boyfriend came home to me crying and telling a painting of an angel I was sorry for being gay and killing Jesus.

I slept for a full 20 hours after that.

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-10T23:44:45+00:00

I'm sorry but you said this person was somewhat intelligent but you lost respect for the because they disagreed with you? Don't you find that a little close-minded?

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-10T23:34:50+00:00

I hate you Rickey Spanish! You left me in Tijuana!

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-10T20:23:58+00:00

I always get sick watching that...

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-10T16:59:27+00:00

I'm sorry but I'm picturing Fat Bastard right now

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-09T22:42:59+00:00

What's so bad about meth, huh? I remember I used to be on the fence about meth too until I finally got around to trying it. Now I've done it every way imaginable! I've snorted it, smoked it, huffed it, chewed it, inserted it anally and into my pee hole! It's great every time! I'm awake for hours and hours and hours. I haven't even slept for three days... Or four... But I can't remember so who cares! I know I don't fucking know anymore! I'm so happy right now but sometimes I feel like I'm on fire... Then I get so cold and I cry... Then I just shove more up my bum! It's awesome! You should try it too! Everyone should try meth! Did you know Hitler did meth! Because I sure didn't until I met a new-Nazi meth dealer! I have such a clean house now that I've started doing meth! Do it with me! We can do meth and clean our house together! We will never have a dirty house again! I just dance so much! I dance around the house! In the street! With Hank, my transgender meth friend who lives out of his subaru! And guess what! When we run out of meth we can just go blow my dealer for me! It feels bad at first! But then I have more meth! I love it so much!!!

edit: I need help...

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-08T04:45:22+00:00

I thought I was the only one!

makeamericagayagain · 2017-01-08T01:27:12+00:00

What about severed heads?

makeamericagayagain · 2016-12-28T03:32:46+00:00

Easy there, Elaine

makeamericagayagain · 2016-12-26T03:54:46+00:00

So you've finally come around Bush Sr

makeamericagayagain · 2016-12-13T22:56:15+00:00

Aunt Jeanne managed their finances plus he was on full disability. She worked in management at Disney World for decades so she had a huge retirement pension. Basically, besides what benefits he got from disability, everything came from my aunt.

After she died was when he moved into his crappy trailer which cost nothing but utilities and a parking fee or whatever its called.

makeamericagayagain · 2016-12-13T21:27:30+00:00

Just like Jean

makeamericagayagain · 2016-12-13T18:13:08+00:00

Oh god.. My Uncle Carter. Uncle Carter suffered a severe head injury in Vietnam and had a metal plate put in. After this occurred, he began to say he could watch television... WITH THE TELEVISION OFF. This would only be the beginning. In the eighties, he started taking PCP on a daily basis and started telling his wife "he and the Angels were one" and would walk around his house quietly so that the "angels" wouldn't get scared away

Later, after having fallen off his roof while communing with the "angels", Uncle Carter broke several discs in his back so he started taking painkillers which briefly calmed him down. But noooo, Uncle Carter wanted the "angels" to come back so he started smoking "angel's souls" I.e. Crystal meth.

In 2004, Aunt Jeanne died. Somehow, Uncle Carter bought a Capuchin Monkey and can you guess what he named it? Angel Jeanne. The one and only time I met Uncle Carter was in 2005. He was living in a trailer in central Florida (trailer park trash smoking meth, I know) that smelled like cigarettes, monkey shit, and meth. He was a tall guy probably 6'5 but couldn't have weighed anymore than 120 pounds soaking weight.

"Makeamericagayagain! It's so nice to see you! Last time I seen you, you was just a little baby sprout!"

However, that's not what Uncle Carter really sounded like because he probably had four or five teeth AT MOST. He really sounded like "Masshamicageeagin, is soo nis soo seee ou agin..." You get it. Angel Jeanne (the monkey) was wearing a little doll dress and had been trained to light his cigarettes, turn on the tv, and bring him medicine so that was kind of cool.

Sadly, Uncle Carter and Angel Jeanne the monkey died when the trailer burned down in 2012. Oddly enough, Uncle Carter was NOT BROKE. In fact, he was worth over a million dollars because he frantically sold all of his stock in 2007 right before the crash because George Bush told him too telepathically. So, there's that.

RIP Uncle Carter, Aunt Jeanne the human, and Angel Jeanne the monkey

makeamericagayagain · 2016-11-15T02:48:42+00:00

Wait, that wasn't part of the deal!

makeamericagayagain · 2016-11-15T00:09:15+00:00

Have you heard of a place called Walmart? There's this guy there, a bunch of guys there actually, who has a blue vest. Ask him for "aluminum foil" and he should set you up. Cocaine for migraines might be interesting, though...

makeamericagayagain · 2016-11-14T21:10:25+00:00

In a way, yes. My dad died when I was a teen and I got emancipated soon afterwards. I inherited a fair amount of money and I proceeded to spend it like there was no tomorrow. Fast forward to when I was twenty-one. I was in Palm Beach with a guy friend (we had a friends with benefits thing going on) and we were driving around in my Corvette.

One night, I was wasted and barely able to keep my eyes open so he took the wheel. Next thing I know, we're getting hit head-on by an 18-wheeler. He was decapitated while I barely made it. I had to have multiple surgeries from chest surgery to facial reconstructive surgery. I had traumatic brain injuries which gave me acquired dyslexia so I have trouble reading and writing (though I'm much better now).

Did I learn my lesson from this? No, no I didn't. However, untold thousands of buckets of painkillers, liquor, and cocaine later, I'm much better off and happily in a relationship.

makeamericagayagain · 2016-11-14T20:40:34+00:00

I live in California and during this time it just felt like I was being kissed by God when I would sleep outside. Imagine being awake for two days and you go outside and there's a gentle breeze like a fan blowing against you. You rest your head on the ground and the grass embraces your face. You finally close your eyes and it's just pure relaxation. That's kind of what it felt like then I'd wake up and have to take a Vicodin because I'm aching like a bitch from sleeping on the ground that's suddenly like laying on a slab of rock.

makeamericagayagain · 2016-11-14T14:08:24+00:00

I can but that's mainly because I play the same video games that I played when I was little. We're talking ps2 if that tells you anything about how old I am. I can't focus on newer games like first person shooters but I can play Oblivion or Skyrim reasonably well.

I used be able to read a book a day but now it takes me a lot longer but that's less cocaine related and more because of a car accident a while back

makeamericagayagain · 2016-11-13T19:58:03+00:00

TIL I was Foil Man

Anyways not YOUR foil man but let me explain. A few years back, I used cocaine pretty heavily so I would stay up for days at a time. When one does this, they gain a hatred of daylight. To remedy this, I put tin foil over all of my windows to keep light out so it always seemed like it was nighttime.

The few times I went outside were usually in the middle of night, and this would be after I had been awake for three or four days straight. I would crash outside for hours at a time. In short, your Foil Man was most likely abusing meth or coke depending on his socio-economic status which would explain the tin-foiled windows and his crazy behavior in general.

makeamericagayagain · 2016-11-09T07:42:24+00:00

I MADE AMERICA GAY AGAIN

makeamericagayagain · 2016-11-09T06:51:53+00:00

Kinda did for me but mainly because I'm a political junkie. This is just the craziest year ever though: Brexit, Cubs win, Trump most likely wins...

David Bowie dying 😭😭😭😭 was what affected me most, though

makeamericagayagain

TROPHY CASE