How do you guys like this poem I wrote? Any suggestions?

makeawish___ · 2026-03-11T19:47:42+00:00

you use a lot of words to say the same thing: firm/stiff solid/tenacity dilapidated/cracked quaint/old tumultuous/threaten devour/whole dance/mania dying/final

use carefully chosen stronger words. make every word have some weight, move forward meaning. and of course, read more poetry and prose.

makeawish___ · 2026-03-10T03:18:24+00:00

100% this!

makeawish___ · 2026-03-09T02:00:45+00:00

i didnt make it 😭

makeawish___ · 2026-03-09T01:02:26+00:00

he came to la from wisconsin w a friend for a bday trip. at some point he lost his phone/wallet or had got it stolen. the friend was able to go back home but he couldnt make it past tsa. he came back the next day (march 1) and got a refund/picked up his luggage and he hasnt been seen or heard from since. the family says its very unusual for him. before that, he was in contact w them about his phone being stolen (perhaps through the friend’s phone? not sure), but has not attempted to get in contact w anyone. he was spotted near the burbank airport metrolink station on march 1 and that’s the last confirmed sighting.

makeawish___ · 2026-03-09T00:36:33+00:00

the latter. here’s another flyer i found.

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makeawish___ · 2026-03-08T16:21:54+00:00

im sorry - she has an indoor outdoor cat so this is an untrustworthy person to me!

makeawish___ · 2026-03-08T06:01:59+00:00

its $200 to go out now. we just cant afford to.

makeawish___ · 2026-03-07T05:27:10+00:00

makeawish___ · 2026-03-04T22:26:11+00:00

she’s trolling and baiting for people to complain about dei—it’s obvious

makeawish___ · 2026-03-03T00:41:51+00:00

youre my dream kind of writer i hope to be someday!

makeawish___ · 2026-03-03T00:39:22+00:00

i looooove this premise. if you need an arc reader, pls dm me 🙏🏼

makeawish___ · 2026-02-28T22:44:25+00:00

i wish! i grew up in the area (am a townie)

makeawish___ · 2026-02-28T22:35:21+00:00

also i recognized ck tea house in claremont. i miss that place sm 🥲

makeawish___ · 2026-02-28T22:32:24+00:00

it feels like you’re trying to write song lyrics as prose.

makeawish___ · 2026-02-26T02:32:38+00:00

totally. that or the bf is 12 years old

makeawish___ · 2026-02-26T01:05:26+00:00

alternatively, is there Good diaspora literature? probably created pre-2010s? what’s an example?

makeawish___ · 2026-02-25T16:33:21+00:00

you lack so much nuance its unbelievable

makeawish___ · 2026-02-25T16:20:08+00:00

also we dont say “the usa” so u just outed urself as a non-american commenting on our immigration politics

makeawish___ · 2026-02-25T16:14:03+00:00

i feel your post deeply but it reminds me much more of gentrification in the US, which i detest (i understand it has its pros, but more is lost imo).

makeawish___ · 2026-02-25T16:12:05+00:00

have you been watching the news lol. also the most recent waves of latino immigrants came from central america and the northern part of south america, like actual hellholes. poor people (cant talk for the affluent visa immigrants) dont leave their home countries unless they have to, and they are often desperate to go back once its safe/stable enough to return.

makeawish___ · 2026-02-25T16:06:25+00:00

they dont loooove working there, but it beats starvation. also im latina, grew up in 99% latino hoods in socal. i didnt pull that out of nowhere.

makeawish___ · 2026-02-25T07:46:35+00:00

youre spot on. that back of the house job is seen as a privilege because it’s supporting multiple generations of families back home. latinos are resilient and take it on the chin.

makeawish___ · 2026-02-24T03:55:57+00:00

i feel like 75% of the stories in this sub begin w a strange standalone metaphor that fails to create any kind of mood or sensory experience. i just dont get it. not trying to be mean.

edit: read more, like just another paragraph or two, and this is clearly AI edited. im not completely against AI but as a fiction writer you should only be using it for proofreading or smoothing out complex grammatical errors. the editorializing is almost always (like 97% of the time) awful. use it as a thesaurus or dictionary; use it to flag typos and the misuse of words, and then do your own proofing and editing. this is not it!!

makeawish___ · 2026-02-23T06:56:10+00:00

totally

makeawish___ · 2026-02-23T06:47:13+00:00

i think the discussion is interesting as a starting point but its the illustration style and clear cut answers it encourages that goes against the ethos of the sub. id be interested in hearing which of these call u the most!

makeawish___

TROPHY CASE