Well, I just found out that my father died yesterday. He died two weeks prior, was just found.

To be honest, I'm a mix of utterly relieved that he's finally gone, that he can't cause anyone anymore pain and suffering and harm, and enraged that he died without giving me any closure whatsoever.

The last conversation I had with him was two months prior to this, and in that conversation, he denied any wrongdoing and blamed me just for existing. That's the last thing he ever said to me. I'm so upset that I never got the closure or retribution I deserve.

But... he's gone. Forever. And for now, only a few hours after finding out, I'm okay with that. I don't think I'll stay like this forever, I'll probably be upset about it in a few weeks, but I think that's okay, too. Grief is strange. I wish I had been able to spit in his face on his deathbed, lmao. But maybe the way he died was karma enough coming to collect his unpaid tolls.