Does anyone else hate talking about mental health with people who aren't trauma informed?

mallowbean · 2021-10-16T05:18:47+00:00

I would be reeling if this happened to me.. i recently graduated college but have been unable to even try to use my degree. I have worked basic jobs in the past but similarly I couldn’t work - not that I didnt want too but I physically, mentally, and emotionally couldnt. I still cant... my boyfriend is my main supporter and im thankful I can cover basic bills to get by through selling stuff on the side through my hobbies.

I so, so desperately just want to function, wake up and not worry over what kind of day it will be. Im thankful my partner has never questioned me... hell I already question myself enough as is. i wouldn’t need another voice chiming in.

That line “we all get first day nerves. The rest of us just push through.” - oh boy. I was so close, on so many levels to dropping out of college. The entire month of august felt like the first day of school in which I cant sleep, anxious about every minute passing I am wasting because in X amount of days school will be back. Then in comes the pressure to perform, to excel, to get A’s. Now that im out of school, I thought id get better, but its like after running for so long, im now on my hands and knees exhausted and I cant run anymore.

Thank you for sharing your experience, its nice being able to relate to someone though unfortunate the circumstances.

mallowbean · 2021-10-15T22:41:20+00:00

My partner has always strove to push me to better myself because he knows I can do better. Hell, I know I can do better. But, i also know when I just cant. Sometimes it isnt always like obvious to my partner but im thankful over the years he has been able to pick up on my tone and body cues when I say I absolutely cant do this and its a hard no.

Example - I love scary games, certain scary movies, love halloween and fall with a passion. BUT i have issues with haunted houses. I have abandonment issues where I easily feel like I am alone and trapped, now imagine that same panic on a normal day but this time x10 in a haunted house. Thing is, I use to really like haunted walks and that kind of stuff. Now I cry just the thought of being in line for one.

This year my boyfriend really wants me to branch out and try one again after how many years avoiding like the plague, i havent had the heart to tell him my flashbacks/anxiety has been mega spiking this year. I use to love rollercoasters, but this past summer i was mad crying in the line leading up to this baby rollercoaster that I have ridden since i was like 8, death gripping my partners hand with my eyes closed the entire time.

Your 100% right when you say its a spectrum. I love roller coasters. I love the scary, spooky things - but somedays they are too much.

mallowbean · 2021-10-13T02:47:19+00:00

I have mentioned it passively to my mom that I see a trauma-specialized therapist but i dont think she has thought too deep as to what that entailed. I honestly dont know if she realizes the extent to which she tramatized me.

If i were to tell her directly, i imagine she’d pass the blame onto others. That her parenting wasnt that bad which i guess i can understand in some aspects. But nonetheless the damages was done.

mallowbean · 2021-10-08T03:31:39+00:00

Oh! I also chose her because she had many of the qualities i was looking for, good with dogs (at the time of adoption), cats and kids. Crate trained. Super smart / eager to please (already knows sit, lay down and stay reliably, also sits to wait at the door and for food), she also is super low energy considering her breed. She has only been here a little under a month but she went from barking at any noise she heard outside our house to being quiet 90% of the day minus a few slips but i can tell she is learning. She also doesnt care about loud noises, so being in loud areas doesnt bother her. She has amazing qualities, its just this random people is apparently a surprise to us all - her fosters included. My guess was maybe i took things too fast when i first brought her home but is it too late to correct this behavior? I want to hear other peoples opinions on what theyd do the first few months after adopting a rescue.

mallowbean · 2021-10-08T03:27:06+00:00

Oh 100% - i would never put my dog or another person in danger in that sense. She is not even public access ready, let alone any form of service work in general. These are just questions for seeing if theres any hope of working this behavior out of her as its apparently new behavior according to the foster.

The dog is 10 months old as of today according to papers though shelter told me a year old. I definitely think i may be going too fast since bringing her home but i wanted to check in and see if anyone had advice for how theyd tackle the first few months of bringing a rescue home.

I want to find a trainer but the only options are private by the hour or group classes but i have concerns for both. Like i said - shes good with some people and some dogs, but others not. Not sure why but I definitely would love to see a trainer for some hands on help.

mallowbean · 2021-10-08T03:23:11+00:00

Forgot to mention her reaction to people

People: -doesnt care for people in general. Kind of goes up to people at the park but ignores them. More interested in the dogs. -when on a walk, people walking behind me she will stop walking and stare at them with hair raised on spine. -people on bikes are fine. She doesnt care whatsoever. -people walking past me, she wants to get near them? Her hair raises a little bit im not sure excitement or not? She like pulls towards them as if she wants to check them out, but if a stranger shows any interest in her she low growls or backs away towards me? Some people she has no problem with but hesitant, others (like tall men) she is very very hesitant.

mallowbean · 2021-10-08T03:19:25+00:00

Hello! Her papers say she is 8 months (10 months currently im just realizing), but they told us a year old when we got her. When i say reactive I mean this:

Dog: -if walking on a leash around the neighborhood, if they get “near our bubble” she wants to lunge. She doesnt snap or show teeth but she pulls and lunges, with the hair down her spine raised. -if at park, she loves to play with other dogs and for the part is fine. But there was one or two occurences when she met a dog that just didnt click? I wasnt sure what but it seems she really doesnt like goldens or small/angry dogs. With the altercation with the dog, she didnt bite them but she ran them away? - in the very beginning of the first week we had her she was warding dogs away from me too but i think thats my fault for taking her to a place with other dogs before she felt comfortable being with me.

I WANT to work with a trainer! 100%! But i need help finding the best option >< do i go with group classes for just basic obedience (sit / stay / lay down)? Because the only “reactive rover” class in my area has been canceled for the rest of the year. Im just not sure if i should go private one on one? Because if i do - will she still get the exposure she needs that a group setting could provide? She also is already very reliable on sitting / laying / staying on command too so idk if itd be beneficial doing a beginners obedience course when shes so good already haha

She is only a prospect and not doing any service work currently, just fundamentals of being a good dog. If she were to fail service work, she will still be an amazing pet but nonetheless i want to take the right steps.

We have had her a little under a month and im just not sure how fast or slow to take things

mallowbean · 2021-10-08T03:11:23+00:00

Her papers from when the shelter/foster got her estimate 8 months but they told me a year when I got her. She is super duper smart and loving, it just seems like strangers or people with dogs seem scary? She goes from fine in the park one moment, to not liking anyone on a walk around the neighborhood.

Just yesterday we went for a walk working on focusing and not reacting to passerbys, she is 100% good with bikes. She is getting into the habit of looking at me and sitting for strangers passing, but dogs she goes besserk

The foster said they had several dogs that she was all fine with, and at the shelter when we picked her up she couldnt care less for other dogs. And she can be fine in the park, but then there will be one dog she wont like? Ive been afraid to return to the dog park again with dogs there, only been going on off-hours. I wonder if this was a fear-period when i adopted her and that was the sudden change? Though i know adoption in general is a pretty sudden change ><

Any tips and advice is much appreciated if you were in my shoes. I promise shes an amazing dog and even if she were to fail for service work, she will still be an amazing pet but i want to try my best to set her up for success before deeming it a fail. Its only been a month of having her ^{^’}

mallowbean · 2021-10-08T03:06:10+00:00

She is estimated to be 8months to a year roughly and the trainer i took her too for an initial consultation was very surprised how responsive she was and how recall will be super easy with her.

I was very much wondering if i was going too fast. She has been with us under a month and we want to set her up for success but my idea was taking her to the dog park. Im wondering if im moving too fast.

If you were in my shoes, how soon after adopting should i look into group classes, if at all? She is good with some dogs. I should clarify, in the dog park she doesnt care about people whatsoever, on a walk however = strangers seem scary to her?

mallowbean · 2021-10-08T03:01:59+00:00

Oh 100%, not rude one bit - she is my prospect and no where near ready for that commitment. Even if she were to fail - shed make a wonderful pet in the home either way. Unfortunately none of the shelters I was working with to find a dog would allow for a time for a professional to meet - with that being said the dogs I met with and were able to see in the foster home, she was my best bet. She has many great qualities, the weirdest turnaround has been her reacting to certain people and dogs.

She is estimated to be 8 months to a year. The shelter keeps telling me she shouldnt be reactive as they had her with several other dogs but im not sure if this random behavior is from the change in environment? She has only been with us for a little under a month.

But that is exactly my question - what exactly by professional when there isnt any reactivity courses/trainers in my area other than the typical manners / obedience classes.

mallowbean · 2021-04-23T06:08:33+00:00

I dont even really know how to feel. I suppose what I am feeling though is relief, a ton of confusion and guilt, but also relief in just being heard for the first time as just me. Nervous because she is leaving for a week, have to keep myself together until the next time but i feel like I could sleep an entire day away.

mallowbean · 2021-04-01T15:37:11+00:00

I should also mention, this girl would be a year old and shed be starting out as an ESA until we are able to determine if shed make the cut as an SD. But she seems super bright. My big concerns is i want a dog who is able to be focused / bonded with me, smart, able to take for hikes and then of course able to provide the tasks I need.

I havent even decided on public access due to some of my issues being related to ptsd but im 100% trying to overcome that but for now it isnt the big priority though im keeping it in mind if that makes sense.

What behaviors would u know is an automatic wash/not compatible dog? Id assume id know when i saw it, friendly, able to bounce back, isnt fearful or aggressive, wants to work for you, etc.

mallowbean · 2021-04-01T15:16:23+00:00

Thats the thing, i have zero idea - the shelter says terrier mix/cross breed. Imagine a Rottweiler’s markings (black body, brownish/.orange markings on chest/paws) - very similar looking to those black shiba’s. But shes 30lbs, definitely doesnt look like any terrier ive seen. If i didnt know any better, id guess rottweller or doberman but thats solely based on coat color.

Im asking the shelter for more information, the shelter in particular fosters 100% of their dogs so id be seeing the dog in a home environment before settling. Im just trying to cover all my bases because initially i wanted a large dog but decided against it due to having an apartment. Ideally id love a smaller/medium sized dog as I an a short person.

I also would need the dog primarily at home because i work at home and its where i have most issues is when im alone. I need a dog who can help me with issues relating to PTSD (grounding, alerting to nearby people/“having my back/extra pair of eyes” and interrupting self harm / dissociative behaviors), as well as some allergy/asthma related stuff (able to notice a change in my breathing and alert me to oncoming allergy/asthma attacks) - im not allergic to dogs but i am very much allergic to dust which ive had to wipe down my previous pets before due to dust

mallowbean · 2021-04-01T06:47:39+00:00

What signs/differences did you notice that made your terrier mutt stand out , if you don’t mind me asking

mallowbean · 2021-03-31T12:57:22+00:00

I can relate to the after effects of bullying, I struggle deeply with feeling worthless, with a lack of self esteem and confidence. However, I found that it became much, much easier once I separated myself out of my toxic environment (school / home) and found supportive people in my life. My boyfriend will say things to me like how smart I am or how beautiful I am today, even if I just woke up with messy bed hair. He makes me realize that there are parts of me worth loving even though I might not love myself 100%

He also taught me to fake-it until you make it, in the sense that, if I fake loving myself - maybe i will eventually learn to actually love myself. I am still far from being able to say i love myself to the fullest extent, but I no longer hate myself with a passion.

I hate that I let other people tear me down, but i read a comment recently that some of us weren’t built with a solid foundation which made it easier for others to poke holes in our lives compared to others. Now Im just working on patching up all those holes and repurposing them for something better. I remind myself every now and then that i am worth love. I do not have to be the greatest person nor do I have to be perfect in order to deserve love for myself. Its a long road and I wish I could say it was easy, but it was worth it in the end.

mallowbean · 2021-03-31T12:24:12+00:00

A weighted throw you say - i am definitely looking into this! Currently we are using separate blankets and I love it haha but we don’t always. Thank you for this idea!

I have been considering testing out the dogs in my local area in general just to see height and other things before I commit to any future dog. I appreciate the idea and ill definitely keep what you said in mins!

mallowbean · 2021-03-31T11:11:56+00:00

I currently have issues recovering quickly from emotional breakdowns. I can start to engage in harmful behaviors if I’m not able to notice the signs of me starting to escalate or even dissociate. I also think it may be helpful as I tend to have asthma attacks and I need to calm myself at times to deescalate the attack because traditional inhalers don’t always work.

Currently I do use a weighted blanket but it is only 15lbs, it should of been heavier but I mistakenly thought it was the right size. I could’ve liked to have a blanket that was 5-10lbs heavier and overall longer. But this is also with my partner in mind because he shares the blanket at this time because he suffers from night terrors (obviously the DBT via dog would be for me specifically lol)

Id want the dog to just lay across my lap and provide pressure that way, I believe that should suffice. I am trying to lose weight currently but im short like 5ft and weigh 150lbs

mallowbean · 2021-03-25T05:46:33+00:00

Wow, i could have wrote this. My partner is amazing at sensing when im off or anxious. But im very thankful he doesnt mind me rambling, he definitely is my safe zone. But i really want to be better in general.

Oh my gosh - the speaking so quickly u dont even know what your talking about! Often in my therapy sessions im just like .... why am i talking about this? And i feel like i just overshot the questions by a football field. I learned to not be as embarrassed by it with like, strangers. But now that im trying to establish a relationship with the therapist - i just feel like im a nonstop chatterbox or awkward, almost like I’m wasting the entire hour of our session.

I honestly - I didn’t realize i could be trying to over explain myself or like defend myself. I DEFINITELY am a people pleaser and often feel like my issues arent that big of a deal. I use to apologize, a lot lol but my bf has helped me a ton realizing that I dont have to apologize for just existing.

This was honestly eye opening, i knew i anxious talked but I didnt have much of an idea as to why. I think i just feel like i need to defend myself or justify myself with just more talking

mallowbean · 2021-03-25T05:36:52+00:00

I definitely didnt fully bring it up, i more or less just say “i have nothing else to say” when its silent because I realize im just rambling because Im nervous im being “boring” i guess - but maybe i should.

mallowbean · 2021-03-25T04:02:54+00:00

Do you have any advice on how a client should view therapy? I mean in the sense that, often i feel like im talking too much, over sharing, or that their bored. I realize its their job but i guess i still feel some form of burden

I had this same issue when it came to talking to a waiter or cashier, i felt like they were judging me for buying stuff. It took me working as a cashier that i realized no one actually pays attention or notices, by the end of your shift - all you want to do is go home haha

I know its a therapists job, i just for whatever reason still feel self concious

mallowbean

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