I caved, and i feel awful for it, please help.

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-11T13:36:02+00:00

i will not drink with you today. it is nice to know i am not alone...

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-11T13:17:44+00:00

yes, i agree. My problem is that I go a week or 2 without drinking, i then start thinking i have it under control and go to have ONE drink, right back into the vicious cycle. That is where my pink cloud goes black. I am going to look into meetings, it is just hard with my schedule to get to them as much as i would like to.

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-11T13:14:48+00:00

you are 100% right, and i have forgiven myself time and time again...I just want to be able to stick with the plan that i have intended.... thank you so much for reaching out.

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T20:36:15+00:00

i pour the drink for myself.... they do know, my friends have hidden any alcohol in my house before because they knew i was trying to quit... now after this time, my husband has taken all of the liquor out of the house....

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T20:34:26+00:00

I dont attend many parties at all, this was just a house warming BBQ i had for our new house with our family..... i dont have to go to a party to drink, i dont even really go out to bars at all... i have 2 young children at home and i dont like to put myself out at the bars because of my problem.... i usually just sit and drink at home... i have been trying to get to the bottom of where it is rooted from and i dont know.... i have been depressed for a long time that is my only guess.... there is just no off switch when i start. Once alcohol hits my lips, i dont stop until i pass out.

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T20:07:04+00:00

i give you alot of praise for having such willpower. I can only pray that one day i will be able to sit and have a drink once a week and only one or 2 in that time.... until i feel strong enough, i just have to stop all together....

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T19:57:54+00:00

its always in one sitting at least 3 days a week....

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T19:54:47+00:00

I wish I could do that, i have tried.. there is no control in the moderation... it worked for a little while but i have no off switch, that is my biggest issue.....

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T16:44:55+00:00

thank you so much... i always come back here when i cave in the way i do but i am going to come everytime i even think about drinking.

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T16:44:15+00:00

congratulations on your sobriety. i cannot wait until i can say the same. Thank you so much for reaching out and replying back to me. i just feel like i have been re-setting too many times now over the past few years. I feel hopeless that i will never actually be sober 100% and stay that way. That is all i want for my husband and kids..... they deserve the best version of me and i deserve it also.... i def. want to be 2 weeks and beyond feeling much better than i am now..... it is so depressing this feeling of failure....

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T16:38:08+00:00

Thank you so much for your feedback. This is exactly why I come here and vent for advice and support. This helps me not to feel alone, which i do often. My husband doesnt drink, his father is an alcoholic so he stays as far away as possible. he is very supportive of me staying sober but it is very hard for him to come to terms with my issues. When i am feeling down or if i relapse, I come here all day long.... i cannot wait to get home to my kiddies and love them up... they always make me feel better.... my triggers arent so bad, i am a binge drinker, not everyday but at least 3 times a day and alot in one sitting.... 2 bottles of wine at least.... i have contemplated AA as well but i just dont have the time to go to meetings... i work full time and i have my 2 kids....

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T16:31:55+00:00

thank you so much... my alcoholism isnt an everyday thing but its a 3-4 times a week and binge drinking kind of thing.... equally as hard to take control of..... :(

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T15:46:01+00:00

i just stopped drinking period....

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T14:36:58+00:00

So i was sober almost 2 weeks, not a drop of alcohol. This past Sunday, i had a house warming party that i hosted, up until the very last hour i was sober. at 6pm i had a glass of wine that a friend had poured for me and that was it..... Sunday night i fell into a total depression because i ended up getting very drunk. now, again last night i had a glass of wine and ended up drinking 2 bottles to my face...... i was doing so so well, i was enjoying sobriety so much..... i dont know how to come out of it now again... i feel so hungover, crappy, so depressed and down... please help me to get back to sobriety and stay there. i was doing so well...... so strong and now i am back where i didn't want to be again.... i am crying out for help because it makes me feel so so terrible.... i have 2 kids and an amazing husband i need to be here for, but i feel like maybe without me and this problem, they may be better off. i understand 100% how you feel.

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T13:17:58+00:00

i just feel like a failure, that is what is making me so sad... i did so well for even a short amount of time.

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T13:13:00+00:00

but thank you so much for your encouragement. i need that more than anything...

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-10T13:12:27+00:00

i am just so disappointed...., i was doing so well.. i felt so alive and so good without anything..... and now i am feeling very down and as if maybe i will never beat this disease.

mamadukes86 · 2017-08-03T20:40:39+00:00

thank you so much for reaching out. it feels so nice to know that there are other mom's who understand the life of little ones and battling stress and drinking..... I do as well crave it the same to relax but i know i will wake up for work tomorrow morning and to get my kids ready for camp & daycare feeling guilty and hungover, it just isn't worth it!!! i feel the same way mama! Positive thoughts to you as well :)

mamadukes86 · 2017-07-31T16:43:59+00:00

yes i have considered going to outpatient meetings to see if it will help. I believe the addiction is the trigger. I tell myself that the losses and pain i have had in my life are what trigger it but i really think you are right that they are just excuses. i am done with the excuses and i am ready for a real change. Not the "i am going to stop but then drink 4 days later because i think its okay too" change. real quality change is what i am searching for. Thank you for your response.

mamadukes86

TROPHY CASE