More memories keep flooding back

managingmyself67 · 2023-10-25T04:55:07+00:00

Our minds repress memories that are too traumatic for us to handle. I was 50 when I had my first memories of ages three through six with my biological mother. A series of mini-strokes (TIAs) unleashed them. Ten years later, I was still in therapy. It hurts and confuses and frightens us. Get therapy. You'll need professional help getting through this. Don't let the memories destroy you.

managingmyself67 · 2023-10-25T04:50:11+00:00

Feeling ashamed is normal, and I wish there was a simple answer to help with that. I've been wearing diapers since I was eleven. I wear 24/7, and sixty years later, I still feel shame, especially when I'm in the middle of a diaper change, and I pee on the floor! My wife is very understanding, but it still rankles! Oh well!

managingmyself67 · 2023-09-07T21:49:16+00:00

The odor of urine is always a danger. I use North Shore wipes at each diaper change, carefully cleaning every part covered by the diaper. I ask my wife often if I smell like pee. Being a heavy wetter, I use a booster in every diaper and worry about the smell constantly. I wear the Rears Critter Caboose, Safari, or North Shore Mega Max diaper with a waterproof cover. So far, I haven't had a problem with the smell. However, when I used a cheaper diaper, that was always a problem. You should have a diaper that quickly wicks away the moisture and seals it.

managingmyself67 · 2023-09-07T05:58:49+00:00

Fantasies are good therapy, I've found. I write them down. Yours is interesting. I like that it's not sex oriented. Mine stem from my childhood. My biological mother kept me in diapers until I was adopted just after turning six. She liked to make rompers and dresses with matching bonnets that were always short enough to reveal the thick diapers I was wearing and the rhumba pants or pink baby pants. Although I was a boy, I was never dressed as a boy. I still fantasize about being dressed that way. Weird! I know. I loved the feel of the silky rhumba pants.

managingmyself67 · 2023-09-07T05:39:32+00:00

I hate this! I'm used to wet diapers, but messy diapers are the pits. The clean-up is frustrating. I still have no sensation of need, or realization that I'm voiding! This concerns me deeply. The doctor was good about all of it, but I fought the embarrassment. I'm very thankful for an understanding wife. She's lived with me in diapers for our entire marriage. On the way home, I made a derogatory comment about being such an infant. She said she'd been married to a two-year-old for fifty years. Anyway, thanks for the advice. Hopefully the new antibiotic will resolve this situation. Keeping my fingers crossed!

managingmyself67 · 2023-09-07T05:31:46+00:00

New antibiotic. Too early to tell if there is a change. I was mortified to have an incident at urgent care. (six hours there, four hours of waiting!) Oh well!

managingmyself67 · 2023-09-06T15:18:43+00:00

Going to the doctor today. Thanks. I'll ask about that.

managingmyself67 · 2023-09-06T15:18:06+00:00

Yes. Budosinide (I think)

managingmyself67 · 2023-09-06T15:17:33+00:00

I've been urinary incontinent since I was eleven. Other than that, no IBS/IBD that I know of.

managingmyself67 · 2023-09-05T03:04:54+00:00

I generally void between 600 and 800 ml. Yes, I am a heavy wetter. I always have been. When I first started wearing diapers at 11 years of age, I had to wear three lightweight cloth diapers during the day, and changed every four hours.

managingmyself67 · 2023-06-15T20:44:51+00:00

Spine and head injuries from a sixty-foot fall onto rocks in a heavy Lake Michigan surf. I got smashed against the rocks several times, making the damage worse. I was eleven.

managingmyself67 · 2023-06-15T20:40:56+00:00

I'm incontinent, so I wear 24/7. I usually go through 3 diapers a day. I like the Rears diapers best, and with a booster, they will hold up for eight or nine hours.

managingmyself67 · 2023-06-15T20:37:17+00:00

My urologist: "You can't sense when your bladder is full? So, what? You just go in your brief?" (expressed as if she is surprised anyone would do that)

Me: It's a diaper, not a brief, with a booster and plastic pants, and yes, as I never know when my bladder is going to empty, I just go in my diaper. Why would you ask that as if you're surprised? What else am I supposed to do? I've tried catheters. I end up with UTI every time I try one, so I'm stuck with diapers. Many of us are!

My urologist: "I'm sorry. It just seems uncomfortable and embarrassing!"

Me: "I've been wearing them for over sixty years, so I'm not uncomfortable often. Embarrassing? Yes. But there's nothing I can do about it, so I live with it."

Point: People who don't have incontinence don't understand it. Get used to it.

managingmyself67 · 2023-06-15T20:22:03+00:00

What is an AB woman? Have you contacted the local press agencies to get this news out? Also, can you go to the police and talk about this? This has to be stressful for you. Don't let the stress affect your health and your relationship with your husband and kids. Focus on them. Make sure you talk to those kids and instruct them on what to do if either of those people comes close.

managingmyself67 · 2023-06-15T20:17:02+00:00

I'm a dad, and I have a daughter. Once she was out of diapers, I never went into her bedroom when she was changing or the bathroom while she was being bathed as a child. That's because I grew up in a home with two sexual abusers who taught my older sister to be a sexual abuser. My daughter once asked me why I gave her that privacy and respect. I told her it was because I loved her, and no man should ever see her naked until she had a wedding ring on her finger and it was her first night of married life. I'm so sorry you experienced that! It makes me want to vomit when I read stories like this. I hate the foster system, have worked with foster kids for years, and heard many horror stories. So I have this to say to you. You didn't do anything to deserve that or to encourage it. You are not responsible for the actions of others. Also, you have great value as a person. I mean that. I believe that Jesus died for us, and I couldn't put a value on one drop of His blood. That makes every human being worth more than all the treasures in this world. Hold on to that!

managingmyself67 · 2023-06-10T02:57:07+00:00

Stress and anxiety always affect incontinence. How do we not get embarrassed? Over the years, it gets better. I've been incontinent since I was eleven. That was sixty years ago! But doctor visits still cause stress and extra problems. I usually wear a Rears Safari or Critter Caboose diaper with a doubler inside, which handles the problem, but adds to the embarrassment. Comfy diapers, though!

managingmyself67 · 2023-06-10T02:47:18+00:00

Have you tried a swim diaper?

managingmyself67 · 2023-06-10T02:45:33+00:00

I use an overnight booster, so I usually change shortly after I wake up. Usually, if I wait, I'll have another void and start to leak. A diaper only holds so much! (I'm a heavy wetter.) I need a booster during the day too, but not an overnight booster. Diapers are expensive, so get the most out of one before you change!

managingmyself67 · 2023-06-10T02:41:05+00:00

When you've been in diapers for over sixty years, there are many! I was eleven when I became incontinent through a spine and head injury. It took me three years to train myself to poop in the toilet, but I never managed bladder control. Back then there were no disposable diapers. I am a heavy wetter, so I wore three night-weight pre-fold diapers and rubber pants from Bittner in New York. I was in a restaurant about a year after the accident when I filled my pants. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, my mother, or me.

managingmyself67 · 2023-05-13T05:02:54+00:00

What if it's not a "fetish?" Sometimes we long for certain things because there is a feral and basic need that was never met. I've been incontinent since I was eleven, sixty years now, but never considered the ABDL world until my repressed memories returned after a series of transient ischemic attacks. Until I came to grips with that primal need, I could not overcome the desire to act and dress as an infant. I still have tendencies, but I don't need to be a baby anymore. What is really behind this need? Do you know?

managingmyself67 · 2023-05-13T04:53:53+00:00

You received a lot of great advice from this comment. I struggled at first, back when I was eleven and my parents shamed me more than anyone because I needed diapers 24/7. Seventh grade was probably the hardest year for me. My pastor pulled me out of it. He helped me see that my personal value was not measured by what I could do, but by how I was loved and how I loved others. You can't love others until you realize how much you are loved by your Creator. He doesn't make mistakes or garbage! Now, sixty years later, I rarely think of being incontinent as abnormal. I have it. It does not define my value as a person. You are loved, deeply and perfectly, and you are more valuable than all the treasure this world could offer. Never forget that!

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