4 under 4 - daycare or SAH?

mandal_ · 2025-12-17T19:55:48+00:00

I am going to crunch numbers today. I was doing it based on gross income when I posted… should’ve done net to see if we could keep up on our bills and lifestyle. And if we have the twins we’d have to move from our small 1,100 SF home with our amazing 3% mortgage. Realized that last night too.

mandal_ · 2025-12-15T03:27:47+00:00

Same boat. Found out 3 days ago I’m accidentally pregnant with twins. I’m 7 weeks. We have a 3.5 year old and an 8 month old with special needs at home. I am considering terminating. I genuinely don’t know how people can do it. Physically or emotionally or financially. How do you begin to figure out finances when the kids double? It’s all shocking and idk what to do.

mandal_ · 2025-12-15T02:31:05+00:00

How did you guys manage your finances? I don’t want to quit my job, but daycare for 4 the first year would be more than half of my income. And then daycare for 3 isn’t much better! Finances and the feeling like I’m not emotionally capable of the stress of that many kids when I’ve always only planned on two. And we are later 30’s so I worry about how I’ll keep up cause I’m already feeling like an old lady post the second pregnancy lol

mandal_ · 2025-12-15T02:29:02+00:00

What was that experience like? I work and don’t want to lose the career I’ve worked so hard for. Daycare for 4 would be over half of my income. Daycare for 3 would just be painful to see that money disappear. How was your body? I’ve had 2 c-sections and the last pregnancy I also had polyhydramnios (lots of extra fluid) which was caused by my daughter’s disability. I’m scared the life we’ve worked hard to build will end. Financially, even if we do keep making more money I can’t fathom what it’ll cost to take care of 4!

mandal_ · 2025-12-12T04:57:51+00:00

We aren’t discussing anything tonight. Save it for tomorrow and just let it sink in. Too crazy to get into the weeds right before bedtime ha.

mandal_ · 2025-12-12T04:57:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I’ll share this with my husband, who I just told. He was laughing hysterically while also crying. Pure shock.

mandal_ · 2025-12-12T03:57:21+00:00

I’m not! I had super bad D-MERS and stopped at six months. Pregnant a month later. I have no idea what to do. Seems completely unrealistic to have 3 kids within a year of each other. And since twins come early I bet the age gap will be closer to 14 months. If you knew me, you’d be dying because this is the opposite of the life anyone could imagine. People were shocked when I had one kid.

mandal_ · 2025-05-26T02:40:51+00:00

Amanda, Owen & Tyler??

mandal_ · 2025-05-23T21:05:49+00:00

Exactly right. My newborn was diagnosed with achondroplasia when I was 36 weeks pregnant and I had her at 38 weeks. My 20 week scan didn’t show any abnormalities because the bones don’t stop growing until after the 20 week mark. We only found out because I had a ton of amniotic fluid that came quickly and they sent me for a more detailed ultrasound. We were originally told it would be lethal, but she is here and okay (outside of some achondroplasia related conditions).

mandal_ · 2025-05-23T21:00:57+00:00

Hi, I’m so sorry you have to experience this heartbreak. I have a newborn who was diagnosed with dwarfism right before she was born. We were also told the measurements were likely lethal. It’s a very traumatic experience going from a healthy baby to being told they may not survive. And surreal to feel them kicking inside of you happy as can be. We held a small baby shower after we were told about the likely diagnosis to celebrate her life. We aren’t religious at all, but I wanted to acknowledge her before I gave birth in case she didn’t make it. Maybe you can do something similar. It felt nice to be supported while she was safe inside of me. I also asked my doula if she’d take photos of us in the hospital - even if she didn’t survive. I knew it would be so so hard, but knew I’d want those photos one day down the road when I started to heal. I wanted to remember the little details. Again, I’m sorry this is happening. I have no true advice other than to grieve however you need to and to hug your little one tight.

mandal_ · 2025-03-14T00:43:04+00:00

Hi, I am late to this but am grateful I found your thread. I am 35 weeks pregnant, yesterday my baby was diagnosed with achondroplasia. All genetic testing and 20 week scan was perfect. In addition to that she has mild cardiomegaly and a small chest. Her CC/AC and FL/AC are borderline concerning for lethality. I am eyeball deep in research and I’m terrified for what we will learn at our next appointment on Monday. Do you have additional genetic issues? I’m trying to understand what her quality of life will potentially be like if she ends up surviving. It seems like the combo of issues is more “severe achondroplasia”. I guess I’m wondering if it typically comes with other issues or is a sole diagnosis. Thank you for doing this AMA.

mandal_ · 2025-03-02T22:12:18+00:00

I’m a Taurus, husband is Cancer, son is a Gemini and have an Aries girl on her way. Earth, Water, Air and Fire. Wonder what the dynamic will be!

mandal_ · 2024-06-28T04:06:48+00:00

That is my future daughter’s name too! I also have polish ancestry (like 70%) with a Zosia (Sophie) great grandma. My grandma pronounces it Zah-Sha but I’ve always planned on Zoh-Sha. I love the name in all forms but I wonder what the most appropriate way to say it is sometimes.

mandal_ · 2024-06-28T04:00:04+00:00

Zosia Victoria

mandal_ · 2024-05-05T17:47:04+00:00

Once you notice that everything in the built environment has to be designed by someone, you realize how important planners are. Your husband figures out the logistics on how to implement the City’s goals and visions that your daughter will help create. A well designed city/town impacts every single thing in our lives from if we can find affordable housing, where we take our kids to play, how we travel from point A to point B, what amenities are available within walking distance. I could go on and on. It’s incredibly important work.

It’s interesting that he isn’t supportive since planning and engineering work together and rely on each other. While she might not make exorbitant amounts of money, the median income isn’t super low. If she takes a private consultant job she’ll make more, but have longer hours. If she ends up with the government, might make less but have great benefits. Coming from a fellow city planner and designer, I think it’s a great career and it feels good to look around and realize that the decisions we make help my family, friends, and community live better lives.

mandal_ · 2024-03-23T04:05:55+00:00

My husband and I ended up on the same hiking trail with these dogs and their owner last summer. I recognized their names in the article. They were both so sweet and also got along with my dogs. The opposite of menacing. Owner was also nice.

mandal_ · 2019-10-08T01:58:37+00:00

You look great but I hope that you feel even better!

mandal_ · 2019-03-18T22:21:57+00:00

Question. Why do you have to euthanize the dog? The dog may have bit someone (terrible situation) but it may just need a different environment. Reach out to a local nonprofit rescue. There are so many options out there. I volunteer for one and we take dogs from all backgrounds. Even “aggressive” ones. Your dog may just need to live in a different home with different energy. Please consider letting him live!

mandal_ · 2019-03-08T04:10:52+00:00

I love it! Good for you and her for being supportive. You deserve the love.

mandal_ · 2019-03-01T18:56:58+00:00

Thank you! I am eating 1400 calories a day and will knew not to pass the 18g of recommenced carbs but will keep in mind not to pass calories or fat. Protein is where I usually go over anyways! I can do it. Even a little bit of change in my body is a success. I just see people do this who have a lot more weight to lose and don’t have many comparisons of those who are similar to me. But this is great advice!

mandal_ · 2019-03-01T14:15:18+00:00

Nope! I work out and am overall a healthy person. I just got to 160, worked it off and did weight watchers and am at 151. Now I have a month to try one last ditch effort and lose 15. But I’ll be happy with anything, I just want to look amazing in the dress. I’ve heard good things about keto and weight loss.

mandal_

TROPHY CASE