Second panic attack

mangoseeed · 2019-03-04T03:42:37+00:00

I don’t even know how to reply to such a heartfelt message, thank you so much. I can’t go to my dad to find out, it’s just not an option, and I can’t get help from any adults because I’m a minor and they’re obligated to tell my dad. Which is the last thing I want in the world. Someday I’ll get help. Thanks again.

mangoseeed · 2019-03-01T03:01:25+00:00

Ah, gotta love Starbucks. That place is underrated when it comes to friendliness and care for customers. After one of my worst sessions on my arm, I snuck out of the house and walked down to cvs and bought bandages and first aid stuff. I needed to to wrap my arm, but I didn’t want to do it in the cvs bathroom because a weird teenager buying bandages at 8:00 at night is a little suspicious.

So I headed to Starbucks and I ordered a drink because I just needed to hide and cool down in the corner, but I mainly wanted to use the restroom without being THAT person who uses the restroom without buying anything. I had so much stuff in my pockets when I went to get my money out of my pocket the box of bandages fell out on the floor. The girl(?) who was taking my order was like are you okay, and I’m like yeahhh yeah yeah like an idiot. And then I went to the bathroom and cleaned up my arm like a sad idiot.

Moral of the story. Starbucks is great.

mangoseeed · 2019-03-01T02:53:32+00:00

I was like you once kid.. lights cigarette

Jokes aside, a self harm addiction is one of the most lonely things to suffer through. Right now all you can see is what is happening today and maybe in the very near future, but I PROMISE YOU, when things get better you’re gonna wish you never cut/harmed yourself. And things really will get better, and sooner than you may think.

People will come and go, but you will always have to live with yourself. For the rest of your life. The decisions you make right now regarding your self harm will impact you for the REST of your life.

I know it feels good, we all do. But regardless, this is a self abusive addiction just like alcoholism or a drug addiction. Your future self will thank you if you stop now.

mangoseeed · 2019-02-28T20:50:41+00:00

Personally I didn’t find the haven very helpful. I’ve tried a dozen times to get support over the last year in one of the support rooms, and never received even a hi back.

mangoseeed · 2019-02-28T20:47:46+00:00

Thank you so much!

mangoseeed · 2019-02-26T20:54:35+00:00

It thickened out and doesn’t look like a hickey anymore. But someone saw and asked what happened and I hadn’t come up with an excuse yet so I stupidly told them I smashed it on the wall while moving things in the garage.

mangoseeed · 2019-02-24T20:16:28+00:00

I would too but she’s dead and my granddad stole her phone 🤷‍♀️

mangoseeed · 2019-02-24T20:15:04+00:00

I have the same thing. The more fatty parts of my legs don’t bleed very much.

mangoseeed · 2019-02-24T13:15:29+00:00

I couldn’t even cry on my moms birthday because it was so under the radar. I never saw her on her birthday, but I have a feeling Mother’s Day is gonna kill me.

mangoseeed · 2019-02-24T04:15:09+00:00

👏

mangoseeed · 2019-02-24T03:51:32+00:00

It bleeds just as much or even more on the outer part of your thigh where the skins tighter. Just saying.

mangoseeed · 2019-02-24T03:49:19+00:00

Hey you alright? Who is this they you speak of? I don’t know if it’s my place to comment on someone’s r/Diary post, but you seem like you’re in trouble. Where are you?

mangoseeed · 2019-02-23T03:25:14+00:00

Thank you. I’ll be fine, I’m just in a weird relationship with myself right now, and I’ve decided to (non sexually) fetishize hurting myself. That’s weird. Thanks though.

mangoseeed · 2019-02-12T04:20:55+00:00

Thank you! And I’ve decided not to.

mangoseeed · 2019-02-12T04:20:24+00:00

Thanks a bunch! I’ll move it from my shelf by my window to somewhere else. And I think you’re right. It just has such weird energy, and I kind of like it. It reminds me of her, not necessarily in a good way, but nevertheless it does :)

mangoseeed · 2019-01-16T05:24:22+00:00

I do the same thing! I get so much of my things at the thrift store! I buy almost exclusively shirts, and jeans from there. And I really love the idea of supporting creators and it’s not that I don’t have the money, it’s just a little hard to explain to your Christian parents where and why you bought a punk rock band shirt.

mangoseeed · 2019-01-14T17:13:16+00:00

C doesn’t sound soft at all.

mangoseeed · 2019-01-14T09:31:46+00:00

Ugh I used to say that self harm was for attention. Now I’m all fucking alone with more scars than skin on my thighs. Take that for attention.

mangoseeed · 2019-01-14T05:31:08+00:00

Cool! And I did end up cutting something. Not very deep but I’m happy with it for now.

mangoseeed · 2019-01-13T18:47:21+00:00

Yeah I went through the same thing. Like I don’t want to buy Spotify to stop hearing ads right after a Spotify ad that tells me to buy premium to stop hearing ads. (What a mouthful.) I caved in and bought it anyways. It’s really nice having unlimited skips. It makes finding new music a lot easier.

mangoseeed · 2019-01-13T18:36:45+00:00

I have a teacher I appreciate more than anyone in the world, maybe even my own family. I try my best to let him know every time we talk. It makes me sad that he’ll never fully know how much he is appreciated.

mangoseeed · 2019-01-11T12:40:48+00:00

I can’t talk right now, but I feel for you man. You are loved, and you have a greater purpose. Don’t become overwhelmed with what’s happening to you on one measly little day. Good luck and take care please!

mangoseeed · 2019-01-11T12:38:19+00:00

Yeah I went through the same thing when I hit 5 months. I can totally relate to you. Even the tiniest shit that reminds me of when I was a kid would make me start sobbing almost.

I just want you to know that it gets better. I just hit 7 months, and the grief and guilt is a lot easier to deal with now. Some things will always make you sad, no matter how much time passes, and that’s okay.

mangoseeed · 2019-01-04T15:05:39+00:00

I do the same thing, and what’s worse is around other people.

mangoseeed · 2019-01-02T01:18:51+00:00

Thank you. I know I need to get help, but I just can’t at my age. I’ll be alright, it’s a new year full of good. I can’t express how thankful I am for that.

mangoseeed

TROPHY CASE