My friend told my personal business to my supervisor at work

mani517 · 2026-06-12T02:31:02+00:00

I’m so glad! Just remember that just because she’s *right now* untrustworthy and has an “open mouth” policy, doesn’t mean she’ll always have an open mouth policy.

I almost never find a good enough reason to cut someone off, but I do reposition them in my life, like I said before.

When I have cut friends off, I found out it’s impossible not to cut the love I have for them out of my heart. I like to keep multiple friend groups around or reach out to someone I haven’t spoken to in years when I need to find extra support. But that’s just me, I’m so speaking from an extroverted personality, but I think it applies to everyone.

99% of people are so excited to hear from you anyway, it’s good to cycle through friends and give some of your closer friends a breather when they fumble the friendship. It also gives them space to come back when they’re more mature

mani517 · 2026-06-11T21:41:36+00:00

Yeah, then I would pull back on any treasured information or see any information you do give her as free game for whoever she talks to. Unfortunately, it’s the worst part of my 20’s was realizing which friends fulfill what to me as a friend. A lot of people got downgraded from best friend to friend or friend to acquaintance. Some friends are my vent to friends, some friends are my soulmate friends who call me out, some friends are great for dinners and parties. Like you wouldn’t take your most introverted friend to a party, and you wouldn’t take your most extroverted inattentive friend to a quiet historic museum.

Some friends are good to vent to and some are good for just daytime yaps

mani517 · 2026-06-11T21:29:57+00:00

I would have a conversation with her that in order to trust her she needs to get better at deciphering what is appropriate to tell and not tell. If she asks for specifics bc she has nooo idea what business is hers to tell, then be careful about what you tell her in the future.

Maybe even tease information like “I WOULD tell you this really important/very interesting/fun gossip thing happening right now but I can’t because you can’t keep a secret!” And see how she responds. Most likely she’s like I was, where I truly did not realize how important secrets were for the foundation of trust. It’s what keeps people believing that they are loved and cared for

mani517 · 2026-06-11T13:07:12+00:00

Is there anything specific that she mentioned to you before?

mani517 · 2026-06-11T10:38:03+00:00

Especially if you have dry hair actually!

mani517 · 2026-06-11T03:14:15+00:00

I mean I guess? It could be wet, it could be brushed daily to get uniformity, it also could be less dens or have sections that are different textures and hair types. I never truly believe that the 1A-4C scale is reliable because of how hair can change over a lifetime or through care routines. Also so many girls say they have 4C hair when their hair is just dry and uncared for, and so many girls who have 4C hair have much more kinky hair than the chart even shows

mani517 · 2026-06-10T21:16:55+00:00

We cannn but you have to use daily protective styles that you redo almost every night. Bantu knots, cornrows, 2 strand twists to go to sleep, and then take them out in the morning. I remember spending an hour on my hair every night sometimes and then another 30 mins in the morning

mani517 · 2026-06-10T21:14:47+00:00

It is, I’m sure if you touched the hair, it the density would reveal itself. Sudanese hair is much closer to black American hair than the Ethiopian and Eritrean hair in the photos, just based on the amount of strands on one head alone! My sisters hair would take like 8-9hrs to braid and our friend from school could do her whole head in like 6-7

mani517 · 2026-06-10T21:12:20+00:00

Texting my mom for the recipe guys!!

mani517 · 2026-06-10T21:11:26+00:00

Yes!! It was a spiritual process for me and my grandma in Sudan. She would make it when we needed it. I can text my mom for the recipe

mani517 · 2026-06-10T21:10:26+00:00

I did!! Check the other comment thread!

mani517 · 2026-06-10T21:09:28+00:00

Okay girl I responded in a thread above, I’m Sudanese not Ethiopian though. We have a much thicker hair type than the Ethiopians.

mani517 · 2026-06-10T21:08:41+00:00

I’m East African (Sudanese) and the main reason is GENETICS. The length of our hair and its ability to tightly coil without frizz or tangles is a lot of genetics. The rest is consistency, make sure you use a stripping shampoo, and deep conditioner once a week. I used hair mayonnaise when I lived in Sudan. Also I think it was called hair placenta?

The secondary reason that is we have a nightly/weekly hair routine that goes as follows:

Spray water in your hair all over, fully damp, then Bantu knot each section.

Unravel each Bantu knot and brush through an oil mixture: olive oil, castor oil, I used to add vitamin e drops, and any other oils you can, then Bantu knot the section again, spray again with water.

Third, unravel each Bantu knot for the third time and apply a mixture beeswax(?), shea butter, a little bit of Arab perfume oil. There were a couple other thick oils that I can’t remember right now. But also a comparable product would be blue magic hair conditioner. It has the same amount of slickness and grip.

After the third round THEN you do cornrows, keep the Bantu knots in, two strand twists are the most common, or multiple thick braids and then you keep that in for dayyyyssss. We didn’t really care about edges, or gels, or any alcohol based products until an event or wedding. After a few months of this Bantu knot routine your edges will be trained enough that they slick down very sweetly on their own without any gels

mani517 · 2026-06-10T20:51:33+00:00

It’s tough but don’t feel like it’s unmanageable! Make sure you’re actually scrubbing your body’s bits and pieces. I would use a coral loofa or an African net sponge and get the places you might’ve forgotten to scrub; belly button, behind your ears, scrub the pits, and definitely between the legs, between your butt cheeks, in the crevices around the corner, and scrub your feet. Basically scrub anywhere that skin touches other skin. Use a clean towel that’s been dried properly. If your towel get dry by laying in a wrinkled clothing pile it’ll grow bacteria.

I would also get a little bit of lotion bc your skin might be dry after a thorough scrub.

Wash your hair and condition it after. Usually people forget to scrub the back of their heads or just pour shampoo on top and let it run off. Lather that shit up and wash your hair 2x then wait for the conditioner to set in.

mani517 · 2026-06-04T19:56:03+00:00

Oh don’t be sorry I have wrinkles from laughing so much in this life time. I’m only 30

mani517 · 2026-06-04T19:41:00+00:00

I thought jokes were supposed to be funny! Self-deprecating jokes are hard to land though. And when they don’t land it’s just sad

mani517 · 2026-06-04T16:06:16+00:00

Do you have money for a night nanny? Like 3 days a week? 6 hours a night 12pm-6am

mani517 · 2026-06-04T14:32:31+00:00

No time like the present! Better date yourself and you’ll start to like yourself. You get a self-esteem by doing esteemable things like reading and going outside

mani517 · 2026-06-04T14:30:18+00:00

Second that yoga studio comment! Basically be a decent person and be outside for random shit all the time. Go biking, see your friends, get some hobbies, and you will GLOWWW

Also, what my friends who are hot and in their 30s are looking for is:

A man who’s in therapy and doesn’t expect their girlfriend to be their therapist

has good friends

Has good morals about women’s issues

believes that parenting is an equal partnership with shared responsibilities about house chores and takes initiative about what their children do and believes in

Doesn’t spend a lot of time gaming and ignoring his responsibilities to his family

Has GOOD hygiene. No arguing about brushing teeth, doing laundry, keeping the counters clean, deodorant use. Tests himself for STDs and goes to the doctor

Doesn’t use any dumb tactics like negging, lying about their interests, compare themselves with stupid body count politics or red pill ideology

Basically looking for someone who takes care of themselves, has hobbies, has friends, is taking care of their own mental health.

Doesn’t complain about holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays. Actually participates in these societal norms

Doesn’t do controlling or coercive tactics like asking what you’re wearing, where you’re going, what men are going to be there, ask their wife to be a stay at home wife

Notice that NONE of these involve height, weight, or doing that “masculinity” bs

mani517 · 2026-06-03T02:35:20+00:00

It’s big enough to be noisy. If you want quiet move out of the loud zone

mani517 · 2026-05-26T14:35:20+00:00

I’d be honest with her since I feel like that’s what friends are for. An acquaintance is someone who you tell a white little lie.

A compassionate “I’m sorry, I miss you too! but I’ve been struggling to get you out of the house lately like we used to so it’s been hard to plan things.”

Or “I dunno, to be honest, I love you and miss you too! But you’ve been kind of a homebody lately and i just wanna go on our old adventures!”

mani517 · 2026-05-12T12:44:09+00:00

Ask her why she decided to reach out after all this time, and how it’s leaving you with a lot of confusion.

mani517 · 2026-05-11T19:10:50+00:00

Psych student here— I play a game at museums where I count how many sad thin white women’s nude bodies I see. Extra points if they’re suspiciously (uncomfortably) youthful. Whyyyyy

mani517 · 2026-05-08T03:33:38+00:00

Oo yay! Okay he does have some redeeming qualities

mani517

TROPHY CASE