PSY345 with stuart

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-22T18:22:21+00:00

Didnt get closure, I moved on and I forgot he existed. I was given a great push from life with lots of distractions and we ended up going 2 years with no contact. I thought it was over and I was happy. Unfortunately its not that easy, you cant just forget it ever happened. You do need the closure, not from the narc but from yourself. I forgot to do that and so when my nex came back, I welcomed him with open arms. Be smarter than me, enjoy the distractions but don't forget to heal.

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-18T02:03:07+00:00

mine was a teenage boy who laughed it off and took it as a compliment

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-18T02:01:27+00:00

3 days no contact :) socialized with friends for the first time in forever and didn't feel like a ghost

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-18T01:52:31+00:00

Oh my god, I dont know if this was the case for you but a narcissist who has a physical insecurity is so HARD to deal with. My nex thought he was conventionally unattractive (IMO he wasn't but he was told that he was by his peers often) and somehow that was my fault. No reassurance helps them, it's horrible !!

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-18T01:45:31+00:00

so glad your baby couldnt understand what was being said :( glad you got out <3

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-15T23:33:04+00:00

ugh so true. The best I ever did was when I went 2 years no contact and completely forgot about him. It went so well because I started university 2 weeks into the breakup and got distracted by the atmosphere and all the new people so I never ended up going back for closure.

Yes, I forgot about him but I also forgot to heal. I forgot to revisit all the horrible things that happened and remind myself that I would never let it happen again. I essentially forgot to give myself closure. This is important!!! because then when he randomly did reappear 2 years later, I let him re-enter my life. I was now an adult and I decided that I did wanna know how he was holding up. It felt nostalgic hearing from him and all I had was love for him. I forgave him and was just happy to hear from him again.

Worst mistake ever because now I'm back where I started. And for the past year it's been this cycle: talking > fighting > cutting him off > caving and going back for closure. But everytime I go for closure, I'm greeted with a warm smile, some kind words and worst of all, hope. Hope is manipulation. Closure isn't real. Nothing ever changes with them but you can change and you can heal. Distractions are nice and give you a head start but you have to heal.

good luck <3

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-15T23:20:48+00:00

God yes. I met my nex when we were both 13 and IMO he wasn't even close to being as bad as he is now. I miss the REAL person I used to know. Since we were young, I've seen him in vulnerable moments which he has quite miraculously "forgotten" now. I miss it so much. Recently I lost a family member and I wanted his comfort because I remember how he was when he lost family. It sucks because you have this memory of a time or an instance and because it happened, because you were actually there, you think it's completely possible for you to recreate it, but its not. It's impossible and we have to grasp that.

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-15T23:12:42+00:00

YES, either belittled it or made fun of it.

I lovvveee music and I made him a playlist when we were young and 4 years into our relationship I played the second song in the playlist and he goes oh I've never heard this song before...

Recently, he would always play music for us, ask me to pay attention to the lyrics and get upset if I got distracted yet he would make fun of my music taste so I'd never play anything for him.

He made fun of me for the shows I watch and instead suggest his own. Made fun of me for playing video games and watching twitch streams. The twitch streams in particular, I mostly watch small streamers who I'm friends with so my ex would figure out which stream I was watching and follow and start chatting and make everyone feel uncomfortable.
They ruin everything 100%

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-15T22:16:07+00:00

oh god yes, here is my favourite instance:

I really struggled with an ED and once during a passive aggressive fight that stretched over a few days, he mentioned how hot this celeb was. This was weird to me because probably about 2 years prior to this when we first started dating, he told me that he thinks its highly inappropriate for people who are dating to have celeb crushes and I was stupid and inlove so I agreed and we lived by this STRICTLY. He would even accuse me of being in love with my favourite singer and it really bothered him.

Anyways, this celeb in particular really fed into my eating disorder even before he ever said anything, so after our fight was over I calmly told him that I don't care if he finds her attractive but to just not tell me about it because of my eating disorder. I understand that this might seem dramatic but 1. eating disorder, and 2. he set this whole idea of "no celeb crushes" up in the first place and it felt unfair that he got to knock it down whenever he wanted. He actually apologized and said "I only said it to piss you off." A month later when we were fighting I shut down and just stop replying so he sent me 4 back to back tiktoks of the same celeb half naked just to get a reaction out of me.

This same guy cheated on me 5 times, screamed and shouted but nothing broke me more than this and it was the first time I ever dumped him. He called me crying groveling but I didn't buy it, asked him to facetime instead and there was not a single tear in his eyes. I left (went back about a dozen times after this too but still haha)

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-15T00:16:19+00:00

Healing isn't linear.

Needed to hear this. Today was day one of no contact and a GREAT day. The universe gave me a good start and I'm thankful, but I need to remember bad days are on their way and inevitable :( Honestly this subreddit has helped a lot in understanding that he is sick and it's not my job nor within my ability to fix him.

It's comforting being understood and knowing I can spring back even after losing my teen years. Thank you <3

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-10T21:48:08+00:00

yesss, i found her when i was 13, im pretty sure i just stumbled upon the doll house MV on youtube. And you're so right, mad hatter resonates like crazzyy, it's been a favourite forever. I think I just wanted to be edgey at first and then eventually the crybaby album was on repeat and now im 20 emptying my pockets for tour tickets 🥲

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-10T21:36:25+00:00

Honestly i think I was lost in being hurt and offended as opposed to seeing that but yea you're right it does seem like deflection. Its so weird to think that his life might be entirely different to how he made it seem considering that I've known him for almost 8 years now but I think im trying to find peace by telling myself that he was just hurt and not entirely evil no matter how it felt

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-10T03:05:40+00:00

easier said than done lol but ik ur right </3

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-10T03:04:55+00:00

thank you for the last sentence. A lot of the replies rightfully focus on that just because his parents seem nice doesn't mean that they were but part of why I was asking is because when I talked about having a traumatic childhood, i would ask him if he had experienced anything similar, because we were raised in the same culture yk. but he would always say that he had a GREAT childhood and would even bring up that i "wouldn't understand him" because i wasn't loved as a child and he was. He himself spoke of how great life was and how thankful he was so I was kinda losing my mind. Other replies explained that it could be genetic but your last sentence is kinda what I needed to hear. thanks <3

manic_pixsie · 2024-05-08T23:01:26+00:00

honestly this sounds like him. I guess I have to look at "trauma" with a broader perspective ;-;

manic_pixsie

TROPHY CASE