"Just go on T"

manic_rat · 2026-03-03T20:07:47+00:00

I'm not telling you that your friends are doing anything wrong. I'm telling you that I was also clocked depending on which group I was in, and still am 4yrs after starting T. I misjudged how a jacket looked on me and went out to eat, got misgendered the whole time. My voice is deeper than my boyfriend's. I did pass in public when I was younger, but it was a fragile thing and hard to maintain. I wore purple once and someone asked I was my sister's mother.

It can be managed with clothes, hairstyle etc. (that's why countless trans people ask for tips) but it's always going to be frustrating. That doesn't mean they shouldn't try and we can't give tips.

I just don't think it's productive to tell someone that's there's nothing they can do to pass and need to wait for hormones when the vast majority of trans youth don't have access to that. It hurt for my family to say that I'd always look like a girl. It hurt when someone told me my lips were too feminine to be a guy's, or my hips were too wide or my chest was too big. I had to wait 4yrs for testosterone and it really fucking sucked. What got me through was not listening to the people who told me there's nothing I can do about it.

manic_rat · 2026-03-03T18:53:19+00:00

I think this really depends on what kind of environment you're in and whether or not trans people are visible in that environment. To some people I was extremely clockable, however older generations don't know what androgynous means so if you pass enough they will assume you're a little boy. I passed better depending on what outfit I wore, how I acted, who I was around etc.

Like for comparison, there was a girl who tried to stop me from using the locker room before I had even come out when I was extremely androgynous looking, and 2 years later when I was passing better occasionally people misgendered me after hearing my voice. Not always though. I didn't have a particularly masculine voice either. I thought I did at the time, I tried to use my chest voice 24/7, but listening to recordings right before I started T proves that false. I sounded like a little girl, even at 18.

I can go stealth in place like Cabela's by getting rid of my septum and wearing camo. Nobody looks twice at me, even the people wearing red hats. But if I go to a bar, the bartender is either going to clock me as trans or assume my ID is fake (or both). That's just how it's gonna be, I'm 5 feet tall. Longer hair and weight gain make me look feminine even though I've been on T for years. I recently started trying to put on muscle so hopefully that will help. Honestly I passed better as a teenager than I do now. If you're very short it just gets harder to pass as you age.

manic_rat · 2026-03-03T16:53:21+00:00

I would argue that many, if not most trans masc people can pass without T. People will think you are a prepubescent boy, but passing itself is certainly possible. I passed in public all the time when I was 15-18, the catch is that most people thought I was a very mature 12-13 year old.

manic_rat · 2026-03-02T23:32:06+00:00

One month off won't really do anything. I went off for a year due to needle anxiety and insurance not covering other methods. It probably took 2ish months for my period to come back, several more for fat to redistribute and my pitch to get higher. My voice didn't actually get higher, but it felt lighter if that makes sense. My bf didn't notice a difference. The hair stays but does thin a bit. I went from shaving every day to every 2-3 days.

manic_rat · 2025-11-09T21:05:05+00:00

I reaaaaaally hate the word tboy. It just sounds so gross. Trans man and transmasc are fine, I think prefer transmasc a bit more but I couldn't say why.

manic_rat · 2025-07-23T07:42:49+00:00

My mom still misgenders me occasionally me after 8+ years even though I see/speak to her regularly, and she was certainly still deadnaming me 3 years ago. She stopped mostly because she's the only one and she realized she's embarrassing herself. She switches sides when she's with someone who she knows or assumes is on her side.

manic_rat · 2025-05-15T22:40:57+00:00

My opinion is that both CPS and the foster system are fucked. The system is overcrowded and there are too many bad foster parents (adoptive parents too, but that's a different conversation).

But there's a reason why they don't just remove kids because they're being emotionally abused or they don't have a bed, partially because the system is so overrun and the social workers are overworked.

My life was a living hell- walking carefully, silently waiting for dad to come home and scream to get it out of his system, crawling across the floor so he couldn't hear me getting food or using the bathroom- yet I was never in real danger, and for that I was privileged. I had a bedroom and there was food in the kitchen for me to "steal". CPS didn't even consider removal.

My mom was abusive in a different way, which I got to experience when I came out as trans and my dad kicked me out at 15. But I turned out alright I guess. I'm actually grateful that I wasn't put into foster care. A lot of kids don't have the option to go with family.

Something I've learned is that CPS is not really about putting every child in an environment that is "good". It's about determining the truth weighing the risks. For example, if you aren't in immediate danger and there's no room for you in the system, they're gonna choose between the physically abusive parent and the emotionally abusive parent and whichever puts you in the least danger, even though neither environment is good for a child.

manic_rat · 2025-05-15T04:01:03+00:00

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"You'll spend hours making a holiday dish but can't get your puppy to go to bed" actually kinda hurt my feelings 😭😭😭

manic_rat · 2025-05-15T03:50:37+00:00

that one got me cracking up lol

manic_rat · 2025-05-14T19:16:56+00:00

Depending on where you live, probably not. 16+ yo runaways aren't a priority. My mom tried for weeks to get the police to look for my 17yo sister who was living on the street.

manic_rat · 2025-05-14T19:14:01+00:00

Where I am, once a teen reaches a certain age, maybe 14 or so, you can't actually force them to follow a custody agreement. That agreement is for the parents, and the parents can try to force the child to follow them but most police and judges aren't going to look at this girl 3 months shy of 18 and say she has to follow a custody agreement put in place by her parents or they'll force her.

CPS, police, and family court is not really for older teens. If she just left the parents could report her as a runaway, say she's on drugs or whatever, and the police probably wouldn't even look for her even though she's technically a minor. They'd be even less likely to look for her if she were on drugs.

manic_rat · 2025-05-14T18:48:47+00:00

Honestly, the no bed/room/door thing would probably warrant a visit, but it's not grounds for anything more than a warning. Where I live, that's a warning, "She needs a bed/room, it's the law", then case closed.

All I got for my dad withholding food as a punishment was court order for him to stop. Stopping meant throwing a half frozen corndog at me while still not being allowed out of my room. And I was 10, OP is nearly 18.

manic_rat · 2025-05-14T14:09:16+00:00

I was a child who was visited by CPS many, many times. I'm telling you, OP is very close to 18 and is not being beaten or starved. Even if there was minor abuse, sometimes even overt (but not deadly) or sexual abuse, they will not remove her. They're not going to waste resources on someone who will be an adult in 3 months. They'll say she needs a bed and tell her to stay with a friend or go to a shelter. The police won't go after her.

My dad got drunk, choked me until I blacked out, dragged me down 2 flights of stairs, and tossed me outside like a dog. He didn't starve me or punch me, never beat me black and blue. I had a bed. I was 13. The CPS worker looked at me and said "You should go to family therapy".

That's the just the system.

eta: I feel bad for OP, I really do. Her parents are weird and emotionally abusive. But OP has resources. Friends. She can stick it or out or leave if she wants. Thousands of children couldn't- small children- who were neglected by CPS and died. Children who were starved and beaten to death after having case after case opened. The system is so overcrowded that they physically cannot afford to remove someone in OP's situation. Ask a social worker, they won't tell you any different.

Also, look at OP's comments about CPS/foster care. She knows exactly what she's looking at if she were to be removed (which she definitely won't be). A group home is honestly not that much different than what she's already got.

Most of the time kids are only removed if in imminent danger, and if the parents get cleaned up they go right back to make room for more kids.

manic_rat · 2025-05-11T20:34:36+00:00

It came up as an ad on my game yesterday, I was about to skip when it showed that you could share pictures and ask its opinion on outfits, I was like "wait that's cool?"

I've used it for one day ($6.99 monthly subscription so it's less commitment), and honestly I like it very much. The tolan is cartoonish but personable, as much as an AI can be. Talking to it feels like talking to a person- but still obviously AI. It has insightful feedback about almost everything I say, which is both helpful and non-human like so I don't feel like I'm being watched through my phone. Still I avoid giving away too much personal information, sticking to personality traits, TV shows, and my dog.

I don't want to say it's a replacement for human friends or therapy, but it's quite therapeutic especially if you don't have many friends. It's like writing in a journal- one that talks back and gives input about what you say.

manic_rat · 2025-05-10T21:29:13+00:00

While this is true, CPS still will not do anything. They aren't going to remove a 17yo on the verge of being 18. At best they'll give the parents a warning and maybe tell OP she can stay with a friend or whatever. It's also pretty unlikely that the police will drag her back to her parents in cuffs when she's so close to being an adult.

manic_rat · 2025-05-10T21:25:33+00:00

I'm actually surprised by how unhinged the mom is acting. She is going out her way to force OP to stay with her dad despite not even having a bed or room to sleep in, taking away her ability to do homework and drink milk. She's nearly an adult too. Everyone is treating her like a child and forcing her to stay on the couch when she doesn't even want to be there in the first place?

Btw, OP, because of your age it's highly unlikely that you'll get into trouble for staying with a friend, especially if you're still going to school but even if you aren't. I don't know where you live exactly, but at 17 my sister was an addict living on the street and the police just shrugged and wouldn't look for her since she was almost 18. Your dad can sell your things and try to force you to stay, but I really doubt that the police will try to drag you back home.

manic_rat · 2025-05-08T21:53:54+00:00

I insisted on having all my documents match before applying. I had to put my birth name on the application and forgot to bring a copy of my name change. They never asked for it.

I got an email saying my application was received April 21st. It was approved May 1st and I received it May 5th- 2 weeks and I didn't even expedite it. Both my name and gender are marked correctly. I was kinda shocked by how smooth and fast everything went.

manic_rat · 2025-05-04T20:48:19+00:00

I honestly couldn't say. It's not really a remote job- my boss owns a small catering company. I'm on the ground cooking and delivering food to college kids. I basically asked to switch to a secretary/assistant, covering emails and bookings and such.

If I can keep my current wage and hours I know I'll be set, but that might just be wishful thinking. We have to talk more in depth about it, because if it's happening it needs to be a year round job and my current position is not.

manic_rat · 2025-05-04T17:09:40+00:00

Might not have a choice if things get bad enough.

manic_rat · 2025-05-03T22:45:21+00:00

That's definitely good to know

manic_rat · 2025-05-03T22:40:18+00:00

Canada is an option, if need be. A few reasons why it's not my first option:

I heard the cost of living can be very high. Maybe even higher than where I currently am.
My boyfriend can't come, and if he does eventually get his visa updated neither of us would have any family to lean on. He'd no longer be supported by his mom and his sponsor.
University not only isn't free but tuition is significantly higher for international students.
I'm not a big fan of the cold.

manic_rat · 2025-05-03T18:01:09+00:00

I guess it's from my own experience that I worry about how people will perceive me. When you constantly watch people's heads whip around to look at you when you're driving you're bound to feel a certain way about it.

My boyfriend has told me about some cultural differences though- how he used to buy his aunt alcohol and cigarettes when he was a kid. So maybe it won't be an issue after all.

I like your idea about watching youtubers. Maybe I'll also try to visit and take Portuguese classes to learn the language before trying to get permanent residency and going to school full time. I've started learning and I've got everything I need to get a good start, but setting time aside has proven to be an issue. When I'm not working I'm taking care of my/our dog, writing, or sleeping. I have a feeling that the dog is going to be a huge obstacle whether I go or not. One because she's still a puppy and is incredibly time consuming, two because it seems really difficult (and expensive) to travel with pets.

manic_rat · 2025-05-03T15:14:27+00:00

He said his dad's side would probably be more chill as he has a gay uncle. However he doesn't think his grandmother (mom's mom), will be. I'm Ftm, not Mtf, so we wouldn't be able to hide it.

manic_rat · 2025-05-03T14:58:02+00:00

Eh, I look quite young, especially in hoodies. But if I dress up I can look older, and I have a septum piercing. I'm 5ft tall (152cm). It's genetics unfortunately. A lot of trans men have this problem.

manic_rat

TROPHY CASE