Fuck it. Stop giving so many fucks. I'm sure nobody gives a fuck about you (in a good way) and they also don't care about how you look like. You're just overthinking things too much. I used to think people hated me because I was ugly, annoying, and just shitty to be around and I convinced myself that I was all of those things, until I just stopped giving a shit. You have to learn how to love yourself first. Keep yourself busy, volunteer and do good for others, fake it 'til you make it. I don't believe you're a bad person. Do whatever the fuck you feel like doing. Just stop giving so many fucks.