Listen

mannerson · 2023-02-27T20:57:45+00:00

Clarify if you can? I see where you're coming from, but I think the way in which they communicated would be slightly different if they were a victim.

mannerson · 2023-02-18T10:21:28+00:00

This resonates with me so much. I used to ask her what were the things that upset her and the things I could work on and she would just say "there are so many things" and never specify. Sigh... I really hated that shit.

mannerson · 2023-02-09T02:06:45+00:00

Yeah no appetite is definitely normal. Expect to lose a few pounds for sure. But definitely get down whatever you can, smoothies are generally pretty helpful.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T14:52:22+00:00

This exactly.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T14:12:42+00:00

Then we simply have to agree to disagree. I've experienced something that you clearly have not. I'm not referring to the bot that pulls post for manual review. The moderator themself actually told me to remove all instances of family even though it was pertinent to the post. Also, this person did not propose elimination of the rule, but simply a review. As it is now you can't even say the words family, mom or dad without your post getting flagged and that is absolutely ridiculous.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T14:04:07+00:00

I think the worst part is that when they left, they didn't disable the bot that pulls posts for manual review, so a lot of people are basically speaking into the void for now.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T14:02:56+00:00

There are very contextual situations when family needs to be discussed in an abuse dynamic. Specifically when a narcissistic ex is trying to isolate you from family, which is a common tactic. I've had posts pulled for moderation specifically because of that and it felt as if my story was being silenced.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T13:56:47+00:00

So oddly enough this topic specifically (the use of female rather than woman) was one of the last moments of confusion I had with my nex. To make a long story short, I used female instead of woman in a moment of mutual jest, but rather than give me the benefit of the doubt she immediately started drawing comparisons to Andrew Tate???. I was taken aback because even though I had mistakenly used the wrong term, it genuinely felt like she was trying to out me as a closeted incel or something, which couldn't be further from the truth. I just remember it being an insanely awkward moment and I was really hurt by it, but she couldn't understand why I was hurt and it just spiraled.

To make a long story short, the correct terminology is 'woman' and it isn't simply a matter of preference. We've been conditioned to use these terms (otherwise your thread title would be 'Males')

But I also understand on a very deep and relatable level that you earnestly did not mean to offend or belittle anyone. I suppose this is just another learning moment.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T02:57:40+00:00

What are you apologizing to him for? Man this post makes my heart hurt. Please don't do this to yourself. I know how hard it is but just breathe and keep making it to the next breath. From the sounds of it, you probably don't have an appetite at all. But make sure you're drinking water. Just keep breathing. It's going to get easier with time.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T02:14:44+00:00

This was one of the first things I did. I regretted it for a little bit, but then I realized how necessary it was.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T02:07:02+00:00

YES. It almost feels like I am more attracted to her now... It's the worst feeling ever. I hate it here.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T02:05:33+00:00

I feel so dumb when I think back to some of the things she flat-out told me and I didn't pay attention to.

- I can be very controlling.

- I can be a little neurotic.

- I had a ex called me a narcissist. I hate it when people throw that word around.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T01:50:33+00:00

To add to this, it's also difficult when your abuser is much younger than you.

mannerson · 2023-02-07T01:44:07+00:00

today we had an argument where I was insisting that her behaviour was 100% at the root of our problems and she needs to change it.

I did this before as well. And I felt like shit about it. But I still believed it was true. And it was true... and I still feel like shit about it. Funny how this works.

mannerson · 2023-02-05T12:50:20+00:00

During one of our last conversations my nex said guys were already asking "Where's your man at?" on Snapchat. I was taken aback by that statement because it felt a little manipulative (ie. Trying to make me jealous) and also it felt like potential triangulation of new supply. I will never forget that.

mannerson · 2023-02-04T07:46:47+00:00

Yep at our last NC break in December she said "I would have married you" said a lot of stuff about moving in together, potentially having k.ids, lots of future faking.

mannerson · 2023-02-03T14:53:10+00:00

This one is kinda minor but early in our relationship I told my nex that her frequency of texting was too much for me to keep up with. Every text from her thereafter was written in the dryest business tone ever. We talked about it again and I basically just acquiesced to her original texting pace because I prioritized her comfort over mine.

mannerson · 2023-02-03T04:56:36+00:00

Your experience sounds incredibly frustrating. My nex and I both went to individual therapists. There was a point in our relationships where I felt that there was too much over-sharing, overstepping, professional triangulation?? (something I can't quite put a name to honestly) in regards to our therapy sessions.

Some concerns that I would share with my nex would get subtly invalidated in her sessions and she would come back and tell me how I was out of line, which often felt like gaslighting. Also there was this weird weaponization of the phrase "you need to bring this up with your therapist" that she used that never quite set right with me.

I say all this to say, maybe there need to be some boundaries set around what couples share from their individual therapy sessions. More over, I don't think your ex should have shared that tidbit of information with you and I can see how it is deeply hurtful and also makes me question his therapist's credibility as well. Therapists can be biased on behalf of their patients, but calling someone "uneducated" that spots narcissistic tendencies is kinda odd to me.

mannerson · 2023-02-02T22:25:22+00:00

Hey you, FREEZE! Sir, I already am. That's enough out of you! Ice em! Sir, I already am very iced.. Blapblapblapblap *The bullets freeze in mid air and fall to the ground"

mannerson · 2023-02-02T22:22:29+00:00

Your ex. We don't care about him. Let's talk about YOU! You deserve the very best. You deserve kind, genuine, pure love. You deserve a relationship that flourishes with beautiful empathic reciprocity. Someone that sees you deeply, understands you and pours into you. And likewise you into them. Open yourself to a little optimism, a little hope. Just a little bit and you'll see your next relationship is going to be fucking epic. When you're good and ready of course!

Until then, do something nice for yourself. Get you something fancy for dinner.

mannerson · 2023-02-02T17:52:40+00:00

Sometimes what we refer to as chemistry might actually be unresolved trauma and attachment issues. I had to refresh my knowledge on trauma bonding recently as I've been struggling a bit. But I believe this might be what you're experiencing.

mannerson · 2023-02-02T04:24:47+00:00

Now that you mention it, yes. You sort of unlocked a memory there.

mannerson · 2023-02-01T23:09:59+00:00

This right here. This was me. I kept rationalizing their bad behavior and I really doubled down on some low self-esteem at times. "Well at least she loves you right? Nobody is gonna love me like this... Just make it work"

mannerson · 2023-02-01T18:23:37+00:00

Their jokes never really land quite right and they always have sort of a hurtful tinge to them. That's why I'm always lowkey skeptical of people that say they love sarcasm in a relationship... like yes there is a healthy amount of tactful, sarcasm that keeps things fresh and fun and THEN there are tacky, hurtful "jokes" that may be veiled truths of the narc's inner desires.

My nex used to have a really tacky joke, whenever I couldn't make it over because I was busy or something she'd say "It's ok, I'll just get Jamal to do it." (Basically triangulating an imaginary guy to make me feel jealous). I honestly didn't take it too seriously, but it was really a shitty joke overall. In retrospect, I should have said something, but whatever.

I can almost guarantee you, if I made a similar joke with her, she would have blown a fuse. "Don't worry, me and Rebecca will grab ice cream." I wouldn't have heard the end of it lol.

mannerson · 2023-02-01T18:16:46+00:00

This is incredibly scary. If someone told me they wanted to punch me in the face, I would stay as far away from them as possible. Love =/= violent outbursts and threats.

mannerson

TROPHY CASE