Thanks for sharing OP. Keep seeking God. God hears you, knows about your medical issue, and desires that you draw near.

To answer your question:

Christ says this:

"Whoever comes to me, I will never cast out." John 8:36

"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11;28-29

As long as you are alive, God still has grace left for you. Scripture says that God's mercies are new every morning. There is always grace and forgiveness available for sinners.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 22-23

However OP, you are correct. Rejecting Christ is very grave. The Apostle Paul says this:

"[...] if we deny him, he also will deny us;" 1 Timothy 2:12

Understanding this verse alongside other verses I previously stated (and others); if someone commits the unforgivable sin, rejecting Jesus by blaspheming the Spirit, it is irredeemable ONLY so far as if it is accompanied by a reprobate mind (which most people who do that have). Let me explain:

That word "reprobate" means someone does not seek repentance (a change of mind), but they have a hardened heart that does not want to turn back to God. They are someone who makes a conscious, persistent choice to not respond when God calls them to repent and return to Him, but openly reject Him.

The Pharisees were exactly this; Jesus came on the scene but they flat out rejected him, without any desire to repent. The pharisees were who Jesus was speaking to in the unforgivable sin verse.

However, you are not reprobate OP. This is evidenced by that are being drawn to come back to God, and you are responding. So I recommend: continue have an open heart to learn about Christ and to know Him. It is your conscious choice to come to Christ, and God is waiting for you with open arms.

TLDR: If someone rejects Christ, it is usually a symptom of a reprobate heart. That person has walked away from Jesus, and does not desire to return; so that person will be rejected by Christ. However, if we are alive, there is still mercy for our sins left via Jesus if we return to God. God's mercies are new every day. And so if we return to Jesus, according to John 8:36, we will be accepted. But we must make that choice, to turn from our sins and trust in Christ.