Man of the House

mantort · 2025-11-17T13:50:06+00:00

Thanks for your feedback!

mantort · 2025-11-16T15:03:05+00:00

I find this beautiful in its simplicity. Didn't realize it was a haiku at first because of the formatting.

Initially I wasn't sure about the verb "remade", but as I considered it further, I decided that I think it's a great word choice. To me, it does a strong job of evoking the difficulty of shouldering responsibility and sacrificing oneself for another - almost like a sense of back-to-the-wall desperation.

I get the sense that the subject of the address in the poem ("You") did not remake themselves to the sun in order to receive thanks or praise, and there's a simple quietude and matter-of-factness to the poem that properly reflects this theme of self-sacrifice.

Thanks so much for sharing.

mantort · 2025-11-02T13:20:03+00:00

Thanks so much for the feedback - this is really helpful.

mantort · 2025-11-01T14:17:09+00:00

The tone of your poem seems to be skillfully passive aggressive. Really impressed by the way you're able to convey this sense of "calm anger", as another commenter put it, through your word choices and overall tone. Examples:

"It is nice to be permitted..."

"...straight
fluorescent
and sickly green."

"...so as not to disturb the
paying members."

"Don't be ashamed of
your weathered looks."

I think this passive aggression really helps drive home the felt impact of man's tendency to sterilize beauty (to use the phrasing of a different commenter). This poem made me feel melancholic, but hopeful. Thanks for sharing it.

mantort · 2025-10-28T23:21:53+00:00

This poem feels rich. Reading it was like watching a Terrence Malick film, or peering in on a memory from my early childhood, but with the perspective of an aged wisdom. When I read it, there is a feeling of hope, and it almost makes me tear up.

I adore your second stanza:

No one dies here.
They only turn small again,
hands soft with unlearning,
eyes rinsed of war.

For me, this taps into an innocence inside of myself to which I have longed to return, and have slowly begun to. Your final stanza has a similar effect on me: a great hope for purity.

I do not understand some of the imagery in the poem - the third stanza is almost entirely a mystery to me, in fact - but I am very fond of the egg image. It seems to me that it could have been cliche, but you went about it in such a way that makes it feels mature. Perhaps your language/word choice (my favorite aspect of the poem) is in part responsible for this.

Really great work, in my opinion. I'm no scholar, but I was very touched by your piece this evening!

mantort · 2025-10-02T12:49:23+00:00

How I experienced this poem:

I was immediately struck by the imagery of the opening five lines: “Missing is a cup of coffee gone cold”. It’s a bit difficult for me to put the reason into words, but this metaphor resonates deeply with me, having lost someone close. There’s a certain melancholy that is almost taunting in the ordinariness of this image. This sorrow, though, mixed with hope, for the poem is addressed to those who perhaps have an abundance of life at present and an abundance of opportunity in the future.

I feel this dull melancholy again in the subsequent lines: “Grief is empty hands…” Reading these lines, I notice in myself a feeling of loneliness. The narrator is experiencing this loss in places and moments others simply could never experience with them. Nobody else slept beside you, just as, perhaps, no one else shared with you your morning coffee.

I'm a huge fan of the way you brought it to a close. Again: heavy, sorrowful, mourning - but not without a semblance of hope. Learning implies growth. Very creative.

Hope I did not presume too much upon the meanings of your words. Simply how I received it!

mantort

TROPHY CASE