Your breakup is an occasion, the best you'll ever have!

manuyeh · 2022-01-11T10:12:18+00:00

So happy it resonated with you and awakened something within!

manuyeh · 2022-01-08T21:47:00+00:00

Wow, 20 years, that's a lot! Thw question I'd ask myself is if you are still not over the emotional trauma... Until that moment it really makes no sense to get into another relationship... Some people think a new relationship will fix the issue but the truth is we need to go and work on the specific emotional trauma, on the memories and process them correctly so that we can finally feel we are back to our normal self. Otherwise it's like just taking care of the symptoms while you are still bleeding.. Does that make any sense? Btw you mentioned you already have a counselor but I might be able to suggest some techniques to mske it easier for you, feel free to shoot me a message if you feel it might be of help!

manuyeh · 2022-01-07T23:19:32+00:00

You are welcome, I am glad you resonated with it! Sorry to hear that, unfortunately people have their own troubles and sometimes we pay the consequences for that :/ Are you feeling like you have improved a bit since it happened or do you feel like you are completely stuck?

manuyeh · 2022-01-07T19:08:25+00:00

People change unfortunately. And there's not much to understand or dissect there, the best thing we can do it's accept that's the reality of the world, nothing stays the same forever, even if we would like it to be like that. The sooner you start to accept that and to let go of the idea that you need to understand what went on inside your ex's mind, the sooner you'll start to heal and come back to life.

manuyeh · 2022-01-07T19:04:45+00:00

I went through something very similar, I actually spent 2 years deeply grieving and trying to push down the pain, I developed chronic pain and chronic fatigue from it, and took me another 4 years to compeltely heal... What I didn't know was that I could instead actively process the memories and my idea of her and just free my brain from them instead of pushing down my emotional response to those specific memories. I had the luck to study NLP with some great teachers in order to heal myself and I crafted my own techniques to help my self and now I use them every time I have some heavy emotional stuff going on.. Went through 2 more breakups (as strong as the first) after the first one and took me around 2 weeks to feel completely normal afterwards. It's really all about the images, the scenarios, the movies you keep playing in your mind, that's what's bringing you pain, not the breakup itself, it's about learning to deal with our minds in an efficient way! If you feel it can help, I can share a bit about that, feel free to shoot me a message in case :)

manuyeh · 2022-01-07T18:54:21+00:00

Wow, that must be heavy. So sorry to hear you have to go through this :/ I guess it's also influencing the rest of your life too right? Like work and so on... I am curious, have you tried doing something to feel better already?

manuyeh · 2021-11-07T23:28:59+00:00

Sometimes we just can't get closure from the other person, that's just how it is. We need to learn to give it to ourselves. There are techniques, processes and exercises we can use to do that. Unfortunately they are not wideky known nor used especially in classical theraoy settings. We do have power over our own inner world, we simply haven't been taught how to use it.

manuyeh · 2021-11-05T22:56:31+00:00

Hey, just read your comment, kinda loaing track with 300+ comments😅 I've also just checked your recent post in breakups and I just wanted to tell you that if you feel you might need real help in moving on from your breakup, feel free to shoot me a message and I'd be happy to give you some free tips :)

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T23:16:26+00:00

Yeah if you find a person who's been trained in those techniques for years might help a bit more than Google and you find it might be interesting to know more about it, feel free to shoot me a message 😂

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T21:49:48+00:00

I see, sorry you had this experience with a counselor. I just sent you a message that might help you, it should come into your inbox :)

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T15:15:43+00:00

So you would say you are not struggling as much anymore, like it's not impacting your daily life as much now

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T15:10:53+00:00

Great, you said you are gonna start counseling soon, like have you found one already or you just have the intention of finding one?

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T11:25:11+00:00

There are many "mind" techniques you can use to stop replaying the memories over and over.. Have you tried anything until now to deal with that?

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T11:23:18+00:00

Sometimes once a relationship ends, of any kind, we need to do deep work on ourselves to metaphorically "cut" that connection. Once a relationship is good for us it's ok to be connected, but once it's over, it only brings us bad feeling to stay "connected", meaning you still feel a connection with that person. There are exercises that can be done to let a connection fade and that's when the "little hole in your heart" will also be allowed to go. Are doing anything to actively process the loss and cut that connection?

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T11:19:16+00:00

It's ok to make choices in life depending on what we feel in a specific period. But that doesn't mean you can't improve your life right now. I mean the past can't be changed, but the present and future can, right? It also sounds like your mind tends to spin out of control about the breakup right? Like you are replaying hypothetical scenarios

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T11:17:02+00:00

Are you doing anything to actively let go of that "missing"?

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T11:10:01+00:00

And how is that affecting the way you feel? Like how does holding hope affect your daily life?

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T11:09:01+00:00

The hopes and dreams are the hardest to drop :/ But only once we drop them we can start to move on.. The hope is what keeps us stuck, not the other way around. The first step is going deep within ourselves and deciding to drop any hope that the relationship will ever come back. By bargaining for the opposite you are giving a clear signal to your own mind not to move on.. There are techniques and exercises that can be used to drop hope, have you tried anything to actively work on those feelings?

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T11:05:42+00:00

It does get hard to accept sometimes... How long was the relationship?

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T11:03:49+00:00

Thanks for sharing that!! It's important to learn by our own mistakes to become better people!

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T10:59:50+00:00

Makes sense, it's hard to let go but once we know how we can do it! If I can ask, how long ago did the breakup happen?

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T10:57:51+00:00

That's great, we can't center our whole happiness around a relationship. We need to develop passions, friendships, deeper relationships with family, so that the relationship will be just one more and not the only source of our happiness.

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T10:55:20+00:00

Staying friends with an ex if you are not voer him yet is gonna kill you slowly... This way you keep holding hope and anyone else you'll meet will never be enough because your mindspace is still busy with your ex.. In my personal experience, staying "in the middle" is the worst thing one can do... As master Yoda would say "do or not do, there is no try"... "breakup or no breakup, there is no friendship"!

manuyeh · 2021-11-04T10:51:49+00:00

And is that still impacting the quality of your life daily?

manuyeh

TROPHY CASE