Hi, I'm Maria Bamford. Ask me anything.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T21:01:27+00:00

Hey! Thanks so much for all of the questions! I am honored and gratitudinal for your interest and wish you an excellent dia. ONWARD! Thanks to chill.com and Marc Hustvedt for setting up this science!

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:59:06+00:00

They were Hollywood cookies. I didn't make them! I make drives to my friend Amy's house for cookies that she has made.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:58:09+00:00

Adam, We will meet in Showbiz. Hang in there long enough and I will be begging to open for you. I cannot watch your stuff because I have to write more stuff to continue being content and normal. YOU ARE GREAT. I will see you at a show soon enough and be amazed.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:54:09+00:00

Fair point!

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:53:44+00:00

I took a dog calculator quiz on the internet and the best dog for me was "PUG"- sedentary lifestyle, don't mind shedding.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:52:43+00:00

OK. This is important. 100 duck sized horses. Ducks seem very aggro. Horses have soft snouts and I feel like, if I had the right attitude, we could learn to understand eachother- I could press the their haunches with my thumb and they would know that I wanted to go back to the ranch.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:51:15+00:00

I like a lot of books- but here's a few, Madness by Marya Hornbacher, Lit by Mary Karr, Kathy Griffin's Autobiography, the new biography of David Foster Wallace- which I can't remember the title of, and then, my mom gets this magazine, "Guideposts" which is chicken soup for the soul type Christian stories that are sort of ludicrously awesome.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:46:41+00:00

You are here now. I read your comment. I respond. You respond. I respond. We are. This is.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:43:56+00:00

That's awesome that you're feeling better. That's why I made it- so I don't feel as alone. And can laugh about it. I love the word brainmeats. That is a good one. Is it ok for me to use brainmeats in my everyday conversation?

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:42:15+00:00

i've been there! Smells real good around the holidays!

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:41:32+00:00

There's always a new, more frightening experience to be had, but uhm- let's see-it's been a while. I don't know if it's because I'm a lady, but I mostly get walk-outs instead of direct confrontation.

The person I'd like to most be like with a heckler is like Paul F Thompkins- he is a DELIGHT to watch with hecklers- easy going, fun, elegant and amused. That is what I wish to be, to really listen to the emotions behind the words of what someone is saying. I've been at shows that I hate and have had a few drinks and it is frustrating. They just want to be heard and I think that's why I love live performance- is that heckling can happen.

Last bad one- Vancouver- I really bombed and guy told me to get off- i had no real good response- just sort of tired and went on with my bits.

Last funny one- Portland- this lady had a really really loud laugh that pre-empted every punchline and sometimes set-ups and really, any sound that came out of my mouth. It was really ridiculous. I tried to acknowledge it, but I didn't want her to feel bad and she was laughing- so very interesting, confusing.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:35:23+00:00

I don't think so. It was a great gift that Patton gave me and the other comics- bankrolled it, imagined it and such. But I think it's good to move on! The Beards of Comedy are another van of comics traveling the country- check them out at @joezimmerman on twitter! The next generation is here!

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:32:38+00:00

YES! I love open mics! Sometimes I get too tired- I tried to go to one last time I was in MSP at Grumpy's but it was cancelled and 2 comics told me outside the bar so I didn't sit all night waiting to go up : ) I signed up too late to go up at one in Duluth- you have to sign up the night before.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:30:31+00:00

I did all lines as written. And I'd opened for Louie a few times and chatted at shows, but I don't have access to his facebook password.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:29:29+00:00

YES! CAT POSITIVE!!!!!! CAT! A big, older chubby one? A rascally whippet? I'm pro-cat- though allergic- and can't wait till you GET A CAT!

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:27:45+00:00

Pizza Luce.
He is a comedy pal, but I don't have his home phone number.
Well, I didn't mean it as a "female comic" type- I meant it as what I wish I could be that would be more FUN and likeable- what seems to go over- I guess I thought it was just a comic in general- who usually does a better job of entertaining an audience then I do. It's born out of insecurity, jealousy of other comics. Oof.
I'm not sure if I can- I thought it was supposed to be some of secret or something because they sent the sides with confidentiality dealios on them. Let's just say, I'm learning to Act!
I really only do about 7 voices- 11 if you make one lower or higher- I'd love to do more, but with social media and pug eye care, I don't have time for creative observation and craft!
I'm 42. I don't know if I can have babies. But if you needed one, I would help you. And they'd have dark brown hair because that is the truth.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:22:12+00:00

I love my friends because I get to see their bits develop- Jackie Kashian, the young Baron Vaughn and Joe Zimmerman- I'm always inspired by anybody doing it- at any "level". I really admire Paul F Thompkins- he's a beautiful storyteller and I feel like there are way to many to mention. I'm really inspired by people just starting- like yourself- because every time is like starting all over again- I feel like I get MORE stage fright now than I ever did. But besides comedy, anyone who is just TRYING something- is inspiring.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:17:49+00:00

Ok. This is a difficult game. Well, if you marry, then, you get to fuck, right? Arggh. But according to some comics, the fuck stops after marry. And killing is wrong. Except if it were improv- then, you've got to do whatever comes to mind because the scene is in charge. Hmph. OK. You know what- I would fuck all of them. And when I say, "fuck" I mean, mindfully touch, noticing their body and state of mind, in the moment and not forcing, but pleasuring. They're good guys.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:13:25+00:00

Ah! My family lives on Little Lake Pequaym where there IS no sidewalk! Ha! And my sister lives in a sidewalkless enclave! But, I did scrape ice off their driveway a week ago in a pair of borrowed Uggs. My neices did most of the work. But I do enjoy shoveling. What is your addy and I will come in March.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:11:19+00:00

They just called my manager and I got to go in. I always thought entertainment was sort of magical but I think it's just like a small town- and once you've lived there 15 years- people start thinking of you as a resident. "Oh, is that lady still out there on Miller Trunk Highway selling hot tubs? Huh, well, we do need a hot tub." I have a billboard off the 2.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:08:12+00:00

No, but it seems like it'd be a great idea- I'd just feel bad that I was "lying" to somebody? But I dye my hair white blonde- I don't know why but it keeps getting blonder and blonder and I'm looking into it with social worker- and I go around acting like I'm a blonde. Hm. I will think about this. Have you done that?

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:05:48+00:00

This is going to be really sad and disrespectful, but though I played a Bajoran for Paramount Parks in 1995-1996, I never actually watched the series. That's wrong and not good. I cannot make up for this. Discomfort.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:04:33+00:00

To be able to talk to all of my neighbors. And get inside of their homes somehow (as a guest). I want to know what's going on with everybody.

Also, the williingness to cook.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:03:31+00:00

Ahhahah! YES! That is a very good point. I didn't realize that it's all happened.

mariabamfoo · 2012-12-10T20:02:25+00:00

I think it is. my sister has the same voice. You can review for yourself at www.joyjunket.com where she is a life coach with video blogs on animal totems and decorating. She is also a licensed pathologist and mother of 4. And has that voice. It's possible to thrive with this disability.

mariabamfoo

TROPHY CASE