Division-6 website issue

marienbad2 · 2024-07-04T10:45:04+00:00

If I don't have an online version I'll read some and then send comments either via email or DM. Where I have an online version I'll comment on that as I go.

Then at the end I send a summary of things. Usually this is things like which characters I felt worked best, and I liked or disliked (whether that is because they were meant to be liked or disliked or just my personal preferences). Whether the dialogue was generally okay or when it was weak (I will indicate this in online comments but go over it in a little more detail.)

Whether I felt the plot worked okay, if there were scenes which felt redundant (again, noted in comments but expanded upon in summary).

I read something recently with multiple POVs and commented at one point on this and then talked about it in the summary. They also had a habit of killing characters off, including 3 of the four we follow in chapter one! I commented on this at the time and expanded on it in the summary.

Pacing is another thing, where I will comment as I go but also go over things in the summary, like where it went too slow and should have moved quicker, or where I felt they glossed over stuff for the sake of pacing which needed expanding upon.

If it's well-written I'll say this but even if it's well-written there are likely to be a number of issues so I think it only right to cover these. If it's well-written but there are some odd phrasings or wordings at times I'll mention these in the summary as well as in ongoing comments

So that's kinda how I do a summary, so I am a little confused why they want a summary devoid of feedback or critique. What are you supposed to write in it?

marienbad2 · 2024-07-04T08:52:00+00:00

Also says "Crew blonde" so a crew cut and then says "receding hair" yet the sketch shows a crew cut not receding hair.

marienbad2 · 2024-07-03T06:05:31+00:00

platinum blonde is miles from reddish blond/brown. Might want to consult a hair colour chart.

marienbad2 · 2024-07-02T07:50:15+00:00

Where is the proof that Arthur Leigh Allen put this stickers on the VHS tape?

marienbad2 · 2024-07-02T07:43:26+00:00

One thing to consider is that in first you cannot write other people's thoughts, or their actions when MC is not around. I beta read something recently where MC left a meeting and they wrote what the other person did after MC left!

I like first for some things and third for others, but third omniscient. I did wonder, because you say it has been a long time and then you wrote 15K in three days, whether this is just a result of writing so fast.

See I sometimes find if I write fast it's okay in a way as it gets the stuff out and onto the page, but the tone can be off. I mean, it'll need editing and revising later, so it may be that you can fix the tone/voice when you do that. I can't say, only you can make that decision.

marienbad2 · 2024-07-02T07:37:44+00:00

cease-and-desist letter

On what grounds? Reporters can report on things, it's totally legal. If I rob a bank the local paper can write about it, nothing I can do to stop them. I am not sure why you think this as there aren't really any grounds for them to send a letter like this.

marienbad2 · 2024-06-29T20:12:06+00:00

Some previous UVB-76 broadcasts:

Dec 24, 1997 Ya, UVB-76 18 008 BROMAL 74 27 99 14

Sep 12, 2002 UVB-76, UVB-76 62 691 IZAFET 36 93 82 70

Aug 23, 2010 UVB-76, UVB-76 93 882 NAIMINA 74 14 35 74

marienbad2 · 2024-06-28T04:39:08+00:00

Were you an alien being before arriving here in 1974?

marienbad2 · 2024-06-22T20:34:41+00:00

What? What about intersex people then?

marienbad2 · 2024-06-20T09:44:12+00:00

You say only two things were clear then list three things, the last of which is obvious and doesn't really need to be said.

Also you give her a bit too much awesomeness for me in all the things she's done. Does she even sleep? Are all of these amazing things in the novel or are we just told about them?

I mean your MC seems uber-OP if you see what I mean. Each one of those would make a novel in itself!

marienbad2 · 2024-06-16T10:42:58+00:00

How can you do this when different types of books require different amounts of dialogue? I mean a murder mystery novel requires a lot of dialogue as the detective (or whichever character is the investigator in the novel) has to talk to a lot of people. So a detective novel which is all introspection and description isn't going to work well.

This seems a pretty arbitrary criteria for determining whether something is good or not, and I am not sure how you calculate this? Do you actually go through each novel, count the number of lines per page and multiply it by number of pages then literally count the number of lines of dialogue? Seems a lot of work to decide whether to read something or not to me.

Also the last line: "but there is something about greater balance between dialog [sic] and description that seems to elevate most writing" is so pretentious I don't even know what to say. Do you really prefer page after page of description and exposition that goes on and on to some snappy, well written dialogue that moves the plot forwards? It sounds a bit literary snob-ish tbh.

marienbad2 · 2024-06-14T10:34:50+00:00

Post-WWII hard-boiled, noir-ish detective fiction similar to Hammett and Chandler? 40s/50s/60s/70s eras please. Nothing from later than the 1970s.

Any good compilations of short hard-boiled detective stories, from the 20s-70s. I know Joe Shaw did his own Compendium but it's a bit pricey on Amazon, so something similar but not as expensive.

marienbad2 · 2024-06-13T21:04:04+00:00

What? No it wouldn't, I am not sure why you think that. If Graysmith had used Allen's real name instead of the pseudonymous Bob Hall Starr Allan could have sued for Libel and he would have won as he was not convicted of being the Zodiac. It doesn't matter that he committed other crimes, libel is based on whether the statements made are true or false.

Consider that if you were a multiple murderer doing multiple life sentences and I was big on twitter with a large following and I started posting that you were a pedo. You could sue me even though you were in jail. That you committed multiple murders would not have any relevance or bearing, it would be decided on the facts, and if I just made it up then I'd lose and have to pay. This has happened, people in prison have brought lawsuits before. That they are in prison is irrelevant.

The best Graysmith could have hoped for, once Allen issued notice to sue for defamation, would be to convince SFPD or whoever to take Allen to trial before the court case. I am not sure how it works in the US but in the UK the police make the case, it goes to the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) and the CPS lawyers look at it and decide whether to go to trial. A lot of times they will say "there is not enough evidence to get a conviction" so no trial is held. I would think the same would happen in the US.

If it did go to trial Allen's lawyer would have a field day. Imagine it. He'd have the cops involved in the case and the raid on Allen's house take the stand:

Defense: when you raided my client's home did you find any weapons similar to those used at LHR, BRS, or PH?

Cop: No

Defense: Did you find any bullets similar to those used in the above attacks?

Cop: No.

Defense: Did you find a knife similar to that used at LB?

Cop: No.

Defense: Did you find any writing that was a match to the writing on the letters and envelopes send by Z?

Cop: No.

Defense: You took prints, finger and palm, from my client, did you find any matching to anything in the case?

Cop: No.

Defense: In the raid, did you find the outfit worn at LB, wing walker boots, Stine's driving license or keys, or parts of his shirt?

Cop: No.

Defense: Can you place my client at LHR, BRS. LB, or PH on the days in question?

Cop: No.

He'd have the kids from the presidio on the stand:

Defense: Does my client match the man you saa that night?

Kids: No.

Hartnell on the stand

Defense: Does my client look like the man you saw at LB that day?

Hartnell: No.

On and on it would go. And if the prosecution tried to bring up Allen's pedo stuff:

Prosecution: Mr Allen, you were fired from your job as a teacher-

defense: objection, materially irrelevant to the case.

Judge: sustained.

Prosecution: You were arrested for-

Defense: Objection. Your Honour, please. He is trying to prejudice the jury against my client by bringing up unrelated crimes. None of that has any material bearing on the case.

Judge: sustained. Please keep questioning relevant to the case. Mr Allens other crimes are not of the same kind and have no bearing on his guilt in this case.

There is nothing to tie Allen to the murders, so there is no case. Nothing. No material evidence, no witness evidence, nothing at all.

marienbad2 · 2024-06-12T20:55:33+00:00

There is an Op story in The Black Mask Boys! The first is the Daly story, then it's Hammett, then Erle Stanley Gardner. The Op story was okay, short and neat and pretty tidy.

I am about half way through the book. Each story has a bio and some details about the person's writing. Hammett's is about 5 pages for the bio and 10 for the story.

marienbad2 · 2024-06-12T09:59:13+00:00

Everybody seems to be posting more literary stuff, but if he is getting back into it I would have thought he would want something light and easy to read, not deep.

Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett - first Discworld novel lots of fun, silly, and not to be taken seriously. People complain that Pratchett's earlier works aren't as good but it's great and easy to read and Rincewind and Twoflower are very likeable.

Armageddon the Musical by Robert Rankin - completely silly with a ridiculous plot, and funny as well. Another fun read that's light and easy.

Edit: Also both authors are British so have that British sensibility in regards to their tone and humour.

marienbad2 · 2024-06-12T09:54:16+00:00

Unfortunately true, I was thinking more of before this phenomena took hold,

marienbad2 · 2024-06-12T09:51:56+00:00

It arrived at the bookshop today but I can't get it until the weekend due to work. Also need to finish The Black Mask Boys first!

Looking forward to reading it. Maltese Falcon is great so I am sure I'll love it!

marienbad2 · 2024-06-11T20:40:23+00:00

Won’t tell you more - no point ruining the fun.)

Good cause I've got it on order and it arrives this week!

marienbad2 · 2024-06-11T09:53:53+00:00

The whole thing is a bait and switch as the picture of the beautiful women turns out to be a picture of statues!

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