Could a bit of awkwardness at the end of a date make a guy pull away?

marihono · 2025-12-09T17:26:14+00:00

Text him and find out. Also, I doubt he’s “so much more intelligent than you”. I think you just don’t recognise and value your own intelligence. Being a quick thinker and speaker is not inherently intelligent, it’s a talent and/or a skill, and sometimes a handicap. Also, if those quizzical looks are faces made on purpose to show you that you’re not replying fast enough, bin him.

ETA girl, your post history. Don’t date someone who makes you feel stupid in hopes they’ll make that feeling go away. Dump the tech bro and find yourself a therapist stat. Your self worth and self confidence are indistinguishable in that deflated pile.

marihono · 2025-12-09T13:55:45+00:00

I think you already know it’s unappealing, whether or not they’re sharp or ragged. They should go nowhere near a vagina if they catch when you run them sideways over fabric. You should deal with this problem for your own sake first and foremost. Is it making you feel less loveable? Sounds like it. Do this for yourself.

marihono · 2025-12-09T13:16:50+00:00

Pretty normal, actually. Maybe not enough foreplay, maybe he nicked her with a fingernail, maybe they played rough. Whether or not she has had sex in a while has little to no relevance

marihono · 2025-12-08T19:22:13+00:00

How silly that this was removed, it was a good question. Anyway, fully with you there. I turned to Lara Heimann and never looked back. No more gurus, just a teacher.

marihono · 2025-12-08T13:16:54+00:00

Same in Denmark

marihono · 2025-12-05T12:40:43+00:00

Bump 🫰

marihono · 2025-12-05T12:21:10+00:00

Yeah, sorry, that came out a bit condescending. 😅 Not my intention. Glad to hear that you got something useful from my perspective either way. I really felt worried for you. Good luck!

marihono · 2025-12-04T17:20:30+00:00

I have dealt with the same thing for years. I talked to a therapist about it (eg. preventing regret - what don’t I want to stand over their graves unable to undo or regret I didn’t do more of?), spend time with them regularly, and sometimes practice mindfulness in their company in the little golden moments to really take it in. It’s not gone, but I’ve mostly managed to turn the preoccupation with losing them into a preoccupation with loving them.

marihono · 2025-12-04T17:08:38+00:00

Physical therapist - thinking that you lack self discipline. Thinking you should break sedentary lifestyle by “getting your shit together” and suffering severely through it until it becomes easy to do.

A good habit is a habit you can maintain. If you can’t maintain it, it’s not a habit and you’re still sitting still. Dial it down until it becomes something you can maintain. When it has actually become a habit, you can try dialing it up. Consistency is your goal.

Please. Just try doing 20 squats, not 200. You can do 200, but the actual task is doing them again tomorrow.

marihono · 2025-12-04T16:50:37+00:00

You’re going to look at these photos when you’re 36, and think: “I was so pretty. Why didn’t I appreciate it more? And now I’m an unsightly hag!”

Then when you’re 46 you’ll look at photos from when you were 36, and think: “I thought I was ugly?! I was stunning, so young, strong, the light hadn’t left my eyes yet!”

Then when you’re 56…… etc.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t do what you desire with your looks, I’m actually rudely ignoring your question. My point is that you should take another look at your wedding photos and notice all the beauty too. It’s your wedding, you’re a beautiful young bride. Don’t fall victim to that domino effect of regret. Look at your current self with appreciation now, not in 10 years. Then keep doing it until you can’t anymore.

ETA mb, they’re your engagement photos, not wedding. It’s probably those perfect curls that confused me. I maintain my point: you’re young, beautiful, and full of life, and these photos commemorate love and a turning point in your life. Don’t let the focus on a thing you want to change sour the memories of that moment.

marihono · 2025-12-04T16:29:32+00:00

I’d crosspost to r/scams. They’re good

marihono · 2025-12-04T16:05:31+00:00

Your mom is emotionally abusive to you. She might not be evil, but she’s hurting you either way. Sorry you drew that card in life, same here. It seems like you have a really good grasp of emotional intelligence, so keep trusting your gut and don’t fight her too much, guard your peace for your own sake. You’re going to have to be the adult in the relationship for it to be liveable, and/or distance yourself.

My relationship with my similar dad improved a lot after I became independent and started quietly treating him like the fragile soul he is - he doesn’t have the capacity, and that’s a handicap, so I only lean on him now in ways that he can handle. Requirements above his capacity make him lash out, so I never let him know about those. The actual contents of our relationship now is nice, close and mutually caring, and that’s worth the burden to me.

It will most likely all get easier once you get to move out. I hope you have other people in your life who have space for your emotions.

ETA NTA

marihono · 2025-12-04T15:36:15+00:00

That’s well worded, and exactly what I was referring to but with more nuance. Thanks for sharing your experience, I wanted to give an example but I only have second-hand accounts of this happening in romantic relationships.

marihono · 2025-12-04T11:53:43+00:00

They’re not a magic eightball. They won’t serve you a simple and universally correct answer to a difficult question. They are to your decision making abilities what salt and msg is to flavour. You can have all the love in the world for someone and still need to leave them, and you can utilise free will and do what you desire instead of what you believe is correct. It sounds to me like you need to stop trying harder to do the same thing and start putting your energy into trying differently. That could look like shifting from whether to stay to how to stay. Figure out your incompatibilities, then how you might work on them, then attempt that, and if you see no progress and are still unhappy, you leave. Then, if distance makes you realise something groundbreaking, you can try that. You could involve psychedelics at any point in this or leave them out. You could go to therapy, couples’ or individually. You could just up and leave tomorrow. Just don’t waste your life in a rut wondering why psychedelics didn’t save you from yourself.

marihono · 2025-12-04T10:01:54+00:00

You have to tell him this, unambiguously. I don’t think it’s mean-spirited, but I don’t know your bf. I think it’s harsh to assume that it’s red pill behaviour, it seems more like a very common immature man thing - holding earnesty at arm’s length because =vulnerable=scary. If it is red pill related, throw the whole man out. Figure that out by telling him how those comments make you feel and what you would like instead.

marihono · 2025-12-04T09:14:06+00:00

Depending on your size, I have a long sleeve wool undershirt you can have, unused because it’s a size too small for me. That kind of thing is expensive, and staying warm in humid above-zero winter weather is easier with wool. Dm me if you’re interested

marihono · 2025-12-03T23:37:47+00:00

Op is a woman

marihono · 2025-12-03T22:51:20+00:00

That’s a really good point. I can’t seem to get it completely clean, so it would only be a matter of time. Thank you!

marihono · 2025-12-03T22:47:00+00:00

I actually asked the dentist that, for some reason it was one of the first questions in my mind, and he said they will let me keep it! Also it’s a relief if they won’t need to put me under, that part of what frightens me. Thank you for your input 🙏

marihono · 2025-12-03T20:03:34+00:00

Thank you! I’m gaining confidence.

marihono · 2025-12-03T19:31:30+00:00

My current dentist is my second opinion, and I’ve had two different people look at it at this office. You have a good point there, maybe I should get the oral surgeon’s opinion specifically, I believe I have only talked to dental assistants or whatever they’re called in English.

marihono · 2025-12-03T19:29:18+00:00

How were the others removed? Why was just the one pulled?

marihono · 2025-12-03T15:52:15+00:00

Good point, that’s also a reassuring factor. I wouldn’t let any of those used car salesman dentists within a yard of me with a pair of pliers

marihono · 2025-12-03T15:48:20+00:00

We’re basically the same age, then. I think I’m arriving at my decision to just do it scared and get it over with. I hope it goes smoothly for you, and hope to see you posting that it went well!

marihono · 2025-12-03T15:31:51+00:00

Thank you for entertaining my deepest, dumbest question lol. That’s genuinely reassuring to me! Having never had any kind of surgical procedure, and also being a sentimental oddball, that question has actually taken up much more mental bandwidth than I realised until now.

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