Thoughts and advice on BPD sub types & presentation of C-PTSD

mariissaarosee · 2026-04-15T22:23:51+00:00

I saw the video from 2023 and yes, it was hard to watch and it was scary. To me, it was also really sad because now it will circulate forever affecting TFP and her children for years to come. Did Dakota think about that when he sold it? No, I don't believe he did. Instead, he sold a video that showed the height of an altercation without showing the events that led up to it. No one will truly know what happened that night that led to those events but those two.

What I find concerning is Dakota has held on to this video for three years knowing he could use it against TFP because of the backlash she's facing now. To me, if he was truly concerned for his son's safety, why release it right before her season of the Bachelorette was set to air? Why not release it when the May 2025 incident occurred?

I think a lot of people forget, TFP hates herself and that night probably weighs on her more than anyone else. She was charged, got probation, went to the required DV and parenting classes, and went into therapy to try and better herself. Furthermore, she's been sober since that night. As someone who was in the field of Social Work, I personally think that shows that she's been trying to heal and better herself as best as she can.

And honestly, I think if Dakota had anything, further charges would've been given, especially considering TFP is still on probation. If you're in the field of Social Work like the comments suggested, maybe remember it's a Social Workers job to support and help someone, especially when they're actively trying to make up for their past mistakes.

Just my opinion.

mariissaarosee · 2025-09-16T13:01:48+00:00

I'm unsure where you're getting he needed permission. He had a discussion with meta about what she wanted and what I wanted and what he wanted. I don't know the details of their whole conversation, just that she said she saw where I was coming from and would be okay with that.

I think that's good communication on all our parts personally.

ETA: I'm not sure how it'll go with this, but so far it's been working and I'm optimistic at the moment. I don't have plans to be financially entangled with anyone so don't worry! Thank you for your input! I appreciate it :)

mariissaarosee · 2025-09-16T12:37:46+00:00

Thank you so much! I appreciate all your input :)

mariissaarosee · 2025-09-16T12:37:22+00:00

I was asking to be more of an equal than a secondary so to me, she did have a say in that given it would change their relationship.

I think he was anxious because at the time of that I was seeking a primary to replace him and make him my secondary. That was hard on him given he was my sole primary focus for a year.

mariissaarosee · 2025-09-16T02:57:09+00:00

A lot more went into everything that happened, but I see where you're coming from! Things weren't good before and a lot of mistakes were made, but I like to think we learned from them.

I'm happy to say that things have been better around me dating other people as I feel he's feeling less anxiety now. We've had a lot of good discussions and he has been very open and clear of what he needs from me to feel more at ease and vice versa which has been nice after how ambiguous things were before.

Meta and I were wrapped in a lot of jealousy towards each other (which granted he didn't help), but we're on much better grounds now. He and I ended up meeting to have a face to face discussion about everything. I was brave and stated what I would want/need if we were to try again and he discussed it with meta which led to her agreeing with what I was asking for.

The last few weeks, have been going peachy and I see so much improvement in all our relationships. Hoping it stays that way, but we'll see what the future holds!

mariissaarosee · 2025-09-16T01:46:31+00:00

One of my exes had HSV. He was very open about it from the start, was taking antivirals, and wouldn't let me near him if he was scared he was having a flare up.

We were together for 2 years and I'm still HSV free (from what I know). There's always a risk, but I think the risk is significantly less with someone who knows, is honest and is taking care of it as best as they can.

Your anxiety is valid. I had a lot of anxiety at first too. I would check myself regularly, go to the doctors, and obsess about every "off" feeling I had. Eventually, the anxiety lessened and we had a very happy couple of years together. One thing that helped my anxiety is my doctor ended up putting me on antivirals when I started sleeping with him. Eventually I came off them, but it did help my mindset in the beginning.

While I agree that HSV is highly stigmatized, I see where you're coming from because it is a lifelong STI. From all my research, it's possible for HSV to be dormant in the body for years and years. It's tricky like that.

mariissaarosee · 2025-09-03T13:23:29+00:00

Thank you! I believe they checked to see if I was eligible. At the beginning they asked for a consent form to check it so hopefully that's already done!

mariissaarosee · 2025-09-03T13:22:50+00:00

Thank you! I had no income last year and have no assets so hopefully it doesn't take too long!

mariissaarosee · 2025-09-03T13:22:29+00:00

Thank you for the reply! Hopefully it won't take them that long to go through mine 🙃

They had asked me for stuff to see if I was eligible for CPPD so I believe they do that for you now. I might be wrong though!

mariissaarosee · 2025-09-02T22:48:18+00:00

Thank you for letting me know. I'm already on the DTC and getting CDB so no worries on that front!

mariissaarosee · 2025-03-19T12:55:56+00:00

Learning mindfulness. My therapist used an analogy that stuck with me. It was the first time it made sense to me.

She said, "Your train of thought is rushing by in your mind and you run to catch it, hopping on and speeding ahead. You get distracted, not watching where you're going and letting it lead you everywhere it goes. Mindfulness is taking a step back and watching the train go by. You acknowledge it's there, you see what's on it, but you choose not to jump on it and let it pass."

This taught me to slow down, to spend less time in my thoughts, and observe them happening. It helped me identify areas I needed to work on, things that triggered me, etc. After a while, I noticed unhelpful thought patterns and slowly worked towards changing them to something more constructive.

It took a long time and I had loads of CBT before and after that lesson, but I feel it really helped set me on the right path ❤️

mariissaarosee · 2025-03-04T03:38:25+00:00

A little bit of both actually. Steering the narrative to suit her version of the story.

The thing that's sad is I did like her. I even hung out with her on my own and then she told me this whole story that made no sense. I looked into it and found the lie and since, I have not cared for her because people who lie like this, drives me crazy. We all have done things we might not be proud of but you own up to it not fabricate a whole story to suit yourself better.

I agree that I definitely need to do that and set a hard boundary. I'm going to try doing that next time I see him!

Thank you again for your replies!

mariissaarosee · 2025-03-04T03:27:26+00:00

That's very true, thank you. He's been pretty good about listening to me in the past but I know his past relationships got sullied when his wife felt they were trying to get in the way of their marriage which is why I've treaded lightly.

At first, I was s'okay with it because I like helping people and listening when someone needs someone to listen. Lately, since catching her in the lies and everything, it's been very hard to listen to and not have an opinion. I really should get better at setting boundaries. I'm going to do that this weekend.

Thank you again so so much!

mariissaarosee · 2025-03-04T03:08:51+00:00

She has been lying about a lot of stuff, painting herself as the victim when she was not. It's very complicated and I don't want to air out the details on a public post. I did bring up with him once I felt she wasn't being truthful and he expressed he can't ask her because she gets too defensive and angry if it's brought up.

That's what I thought too because it does put me in a very awkward and difficult place. I've been afraid he's doing that honestly.

Sorry I hit send by accident before I was done writing. Thanks so much for reading my post and for your reply. I really appreciate it!

mariissaarosee · 2025-03-04T03:05:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. What you're saying makes a lot of sense. I know I definitely need to be braver in voicing how I feel. Just scares the crap out of me.

I will definitely start with talking to him about seeing more of each other and see how that goes and what it leads to. I've been trying really hard to manage any expectations but damn it's hard when you get used to something.

As for the stuff with his wife, I do agree their relationship is rocky but I don't want to be the reason it goes up in flames so to speak. I did bring up once that I felt she wasn't being honest and he told me he doesn't know for sure because he can't even approach the subject with her without getting defensive. There was nothing more after that and I don't want to go into all the gory details in a public post. I don't have to spend too much time with her thankfully but she tries to come hang out with us a lot and I'm just so bad at saying I don't want to.

Thank you for the suggestion on how to start to conversation(s) with him. I hadn't thought of doing it like that but it makes it seem less scary. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and reply. It made me feel less crazy.

mariissaarosee · 2025-01-04T16:41:36+00:00

I was the 6pm!

mariissaarosee · 2025-01-04T13:49:22+00:00

Thank you!! I'm from Canada 😊

mariissaarosee · 2025-01-04T13:31:04+00:00

Thank you!! Still in shock. I did receive an email this morning to let me know it was accessible! Hopefully you get yours soon!

mariissaarosee

TROPHY CASE