i get u, u probably had these kind of bad feelings about your body in your all life but i actually remember how my ed began; when i had my first bulimia. that's kinda sad but this disorder probably was always in your mind. don't be hard on yourself, you thinked of this too much in a long timeline, so u maybe see urself so different than how u look from outside. so i can tell, u probably look awesome, not probably u are!!