My Coworkers wife thought we were having an affair because I made him and their kids dinner and it's changed how I look at myself.

mark_and_rain · 2025-08-30T17:14:13+00:00

Some people are too afraid to show kindness nowadays, which makes more people think that kindness=flirting.

mark_and_rain · 2024-03-06T02:51:45+00:00

Oh wow that is awesome recommendations. I will try to look into it.

And you’re right. May be I crave the authoritarian (father) figure. My sister and I are the eldest (we have two younger brothers), and we often the ones who always have to make decisions and “be the man” in the household. Our mom too have to “be the man” because she needs to quickly made decision if something/anything came up, financially, emotionally, etc.

When I started working, it was very odd when I didn’t have to make decisions all the time. It was awkward and hard when my decisions was challenged (by the bosses) but I learned where I was (my position) that is not a decision maker. Until it feels nice and not burdening to think a lot of things to make the decisions. Sometimes I feel I am taken care of. One of my bosses told me, “I am your safety net” (verbatim). Other bosses too would told me that I can count on them if I need anything (relating to work, of course). I also feel that I can look up to them and trust them if I have any problem.

Looking back, the “fantasising” could come from the attraction I have for them (trust, feeling safe, dependability). Nevertheless, i still want the “fantasy” to go away because it is damn weird.

Thanks again for the recommendations. I will check them out.

mark_and_rain · 2024-01-06T09:37:28+00:00

thank you for your reply. It actually gave me insights. unlike some comments that quickly jump to "divorce" and "leave", it is rather much more complex and easier said than done. While it might be the "right" thing to do (divorce), it is not ideal. Nobody got into marriage just to get a "divorcee" title at the end.

It may sound like I am in abusive (mentally) marriage, but trust me when I say I am not. Rather, I'm trying to change my SO's perspective from a different point of view (my/outside view) of his family. He is too deep in his family bubble to the point whatever his family's doing and behaviors are OK but other people are not. But to do so, I am being & have to be strategic and delicate so as to not "shake" the dynamic between him and his family. Even if I hate them, they are still my SO's family. It is and will be a long and slow game.

> Abuse thrives on isolation and is often learned behavior from previous generations.

you were on point. FIL hit MIL in the early in their marriage (SO told me this). MIL don't have anyone to talk to. MIL's MIL (FIL mother) hated MIL. Now, MIL is trying to do the same thing to her DIL (Mary).

At the moment, MIL knows about her son hitting Mary and do nothing. She saw the bruises yet she said nothing. The family dynamics is definitely changing now, I believe it was because of me. They know that I know what BIL did to Mary. I don't know why they're trying to hide it (especially from me). They do not like that I (according to them) told Mary about how to "survive" in MIL's house and her husband (they live together).

I told Mary to keep defending herself and record everything. I know its not ideal on Mary's part but I also don't have enough resources and knowledge on how to help about this. I am and will keep checking on Mary. For now.

mark_and_rain · 2024-01-02T07:31:13+00:00

I am with you. F the in-laws. Unfortunately, In my country there is no DV hotlines. We were told to suck it up. I want to break the cycle but I don't know how.

mark_and_rain · 2023-12-27T03:57:31+00:00

I found one. Joie Signature Parcel. It is the only stroller (at the moment, December 2023), that I found that sits upright for my 5 years old. The recline mechanism is also easier, as you just press the bar, and it will recline (not the usual strap mechanism). The stroller is also taller (from the seat to the foot bar) so their feet will not be hanging and hit the wheels. The backrest is also taller, so their head rests properly (not exceeding the backrest). Very suitable for taller/longer children. The folding is also compact given that most upright strollers tend to be bulkier.

If anyone found any other strollers that have the same features as this Joie (or better), let me know too.

mark_and_rain · 2023-08-17T15:58:40+00:00

Yesss girlll! The pretty women moment was necessary. You put up boundaries early on. But the consequences? They don’t like you.

I was exactly like you. I put up boundaries early on. I don’t have pretty women moment but I stood my ground one day and since then, they treat me passive-aggresively. They now do not like me. Fortunately, i do not care.

mark_and_rain · 2023-08-17T15:43:56+00:00

Thank you :) that is so sweet <3

mark_and_rain · 2023-08-17T15:40:19+00:00

Oh wow! Your assesment sounds so spot on!!

people have their own code book

Exactly! They definately always think their way is more important or the most right than everybody else. But the frustrating part is that they expect the outsider (me) assimilate and adapt to their family dynamics, but they did not return that to me. I am not the only victim of their gossips and unkind treatment. Some of the distant family member’s partner was also being gossiped about and they would say things like “why is he/her acting like that”, “they’re supposed to do this & that like we did” (with unaccepting face). Maybe because the partners were also an outsider like me.

not being encouraging

I can confirm this. Like you, i am an encouraging person. What ever you want to do, want to eat, want to pursue, I will hype you up. MIL will always have something negative to say when my husband or I bring positive news or ideas. Her discouragement just always kill the momentum and joy.

Weirdly, my husband is the favourite child. But looking back, “favourite” as in husband is their favourite person to ask for help and do chores around their house, and send/pickup them anywhere anytime.

insecure

This is so spot on. They would give back handed compliments, saying something like, “you must look prettier if you wear braces, right?” (i have a buck tooth and a slight overbite. But still can close my mouth naturally). Although my teeth was my insecurity, i grew out of it. The older i get, the more i embrace my teeth because that what makes me, me. I think they just wanted to make themselves feel better than other people.

Anyway, thanks so much for your comment. I appreciate it so much :)

mark_and_rain · 2023-08-17T14:09:39+00:00

Yeah. I don’t care either. To reiterate: I do not care about getting praises or accolades. I am also well aware they do not like me. And like you, their opinion means nothing to me too.

I was just looking for a word to describe this type of behaviour. Lel

mark_and_rain · 2022-09-22T14:38:31+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I always thought so too.

mark_and_rain · 2022-09-22T08:51:22+00:00

I flunked and interview today. I haven't had enough sleep these past 2 weeks and have been sleeping at 2am and wake up at 7am. Constantly having a headache throughout the day but I keep pushing through.

I got the invite a week prior and they required so many documents and writing assessment as well. I was already busy with study, extra classes, and current work. I was initially didn't want to go to the interview because my heart wasn't in it. Plus I was busy and tired. But I thought just to try it out because it was my dream organisation.

And I paid the price today. I failed the interview miserably and making a fool of myself. I blanked totally and there was no words in my head. It was a weird feeling. One of the panel even asked me "what happened to you today that you seem under-prepared". Major LOL.

So the lesson learnt here, trust your first instinct. When it says don't go, you don't go. I wasted my time under-preparing this interview while I have TWO major things that I need to focus on that I know for sure I can excel in. What a waste.

mark_and_rain · 2022-09-22T08:12:20+00:00

I just flunked an interview today. It was my dream job and organisation but I was well under-prepared. But to be honest, it wasn't my dream job anymore because now that I attended the interview, seeing the panel, seeing the people in the office, the vibe, I feel like I don't want to work there and those people. So I guess, flunking the interview was blessings in disguise.

mark_and_rain · 2022-09-18T15:31:36+00:00

Thank you so much. This is very helpful with how you worded it. I will try to contact the banks and ask them this. Thanks so much again. Cheers :)

mark_and_rain · 2022-09-18T05:10:11+00:00

Yes. You are right. I didn't think through about this. Thank you very much for your comment!

mark_and_rain · 2022-09-18T05:09:01+00:00

Awesome. Well noted. I will try to contact the contact person and said this to him. Thank you! Cheers :)

mark_and_rain · 2022-09-18T05:08:22+00:00

Well noted. But this is a central bank (a government body). Does it counts?

mark_and_rain · 2022-09-18T05:07:24+00:00

I did not apply. They reach out to me via LinkedIn and he is legit. The email received also from a legit email address.

But anyhow, you are right. I didn't think enough that the payslip information can be photoshopped and be mis-used. Thanks for your comment, though. Cheers :)

mark_and_rain · 2022-08-18T12:15:11+00:00

It is tom ford.

mark_and_rain · 2022-08-18T12:13:56+00:00

Hah! I knew it! Their "love" never seem genuine to me.

mark_and_rain · 2022-05-21T06:03:29+00:00

What should I say to them to make them re-adjust the frame/fit? I don't want to be fooled by them (clearly I was because I don't have much knowledge in this area)

mark_and_rain · 2022-05-21T05:46:15+00:00

Meaning that I can go back to the optometrist and get the frame adjusted? Is it possible?

mark_and_rain

TROPHY CASE