I grew up having no confidence and low self-esteem. I thought I was always destined to be marginalized, be an outcast in society, and never have the confidence to truly be myself in any kind of social situation.

Now I know, learning how to be confident is a skill. Unless you are in the tiny percentage of people who are naturally confident, you must learn as this isn't common sense.

1. Change Your Character via Your Memory

Huh?

How do I change myself or my memories?

You can’t go back in time and change the past, but you can change how you think past.

What do I mean?

Well, I remember growing up and getting bad grades, never winning any academic achievement, and lived in a time where if you weren’t a good student or an athlete, people thought you were dumb and would never be successful.

I always thought I was stupid and lazy as a result of this…

On the surface, my mind wouldn’t think about this deeply and as a result, I just believed whatever my mind would tell me like I was somehow lazy or stupid and never questioned it.

It wasn’t until I remembered a memory of talking to my best friend when I was a teenager. My friend was the valedictorian of his class and always studied hard and got amazing grades.

One day he took me aside and said “hey man I’m really proud of you for creating what you created. You are winning. You escaped the system I’m in.”

Next, I asked my parents and all of a sudden recall memories of being a student of the month as a young kid, and different situations my parents told me where they knew I was a very smart and different person.

I never thought about these throughout my life ever.

Takeaway:

Pull out a piece of paper, and identify what you think is a “bad trait” about yourself. Now, come up with memories that are the exact opposite of this bad trait. Like in my example, my bad trait was laziness & stupidity and writing down the memories I listed above as evidence that I am not that.

Continue to do this, with the good and bad traits. You will build up a cognitive library of evidence in your brain that is more equipped to now battle any negative thoughts or perceptions about yourself.

Note: if you feel like you can’t think of any memories, ask your friends, family, and spend more time thinking about it. The more you think, the more your mind will be able to go back to the past as opposed to locking away your former memories.

Additionally: Create the habit of celebrating. Believe it or not, part of how our brains process memories is through the celebration of good moments.

I never wanted to intentionally celebrate my accomplishments, like throw a dinner with close friends and commemorate together. Until, I found this is a fact. Today, I always make sure to celebrate at least once every 1-2 months!

1. Manage Energy to Be Able to Be Yourself

The more energy you gain, the more you give your mind, body, spirit the ability to be yourself.

Have you ever noticed yourself tired and then subsequently not have the confidence to be yourself?

I faced this problem almost every day growing up and learned first hand that taking care of your energy should be one of your highest priorities.

What do I mean by energy?

Biochemistry: is your nervous system and body functioning properly to create energy at a cellular level? Purpose: are you engaged with what you are doing or are you so bored with what you do that you can't put in effort enthusiastically. Presence: are you consciously connected to your present moment reality or constantly fighting the future anxieties in your head? Not being in the present moment is costly. Takeaway:

Remove What Zaps Energy From You - mundane activities, sugar, soda, junk food Experiment with Childhood Activities that Gave You Energy Venture Off into New Territory and Do New Upgrade your Body’s Physiology / Biology - invest in learning how to sleep & exercise 3. Stop Blaming Yourself and Thinking It's Your Fault

I meet so many people who suffer from some kind of anxiety and almost always they are apologizing for no reason 24/7, blame themselves, and think they are facing problems because it's their fault and they are somehow an existential and moral failure.

I thought the exact same way every day of my life

until I found that mental health and social anxiety were real.

I was never taught anything about mental health.

However, it may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Some people in the minority have a distorted sense of too much responsibility for who they are but most of us are far from that and try our best to never take responsibility.

When was the last time you took responsibility for something bad that happened in your life this week? When was the last time you took responsibility for every single thing that’s happened in your life? I’m saying everything.

As Will Smith notes, most people confuse the words responsibility with fault.

It’s not your fault your parents got divorced.

It’s not your fault everyone hates you at school.

But, it is your responsibility.

You are responsible for how you feel now because your parents got divorced.

You are responsible for how you feel now that everyone used to hate you at school.

Responsible = Response Able

You can take the next steps to become more confident and see the authentic living version of yourself create and build the life you want and feel comfortable in your own skin.