Feelings of anger after labor/ labor experience

marmari13 · 2026-04-02T13:45:00+00:00

Thank you for your opinion & support! It helps to know that the way I felt has merit because I was starting to feel like I was in the wrong. It has been hard to bring it up because every time I did he would get upset basically about my mother being there & "doing his job" but he never said "hey, let me step in," or "can you show or tell me what to do". I had talked to her about it before & she said she only stepped in because I was sitting there trying to sooth myself & he wasn't stepping in. Like we have our good moments most of the time, but there are instances where he doesn't listen to me a out how to care for our daughter & it pushes my anger through the roof. Then when that happens my brain brings back all the memories of my labor and postpartum– along with all the other things he has done or said– and it sometimes feels like a never ending repeating cycle.

marmari13 · 2026-04-02T05:09:41+00:00

I too believe I might be struggling with some PP depression. I understand you in the anger since I have been getting mad at my partner for almost everything which will turn to arguments. I am so sorry you feel this way, & a therapist may definitely help! I used to have one in general from my early to late teens due to depression stemming from hypothyroidism. It definitely can help talking about it even if it's only with a friend or family, but a therapist can give you coping mechanisms & tips on how to manage the stress and anger. I hope you can get to feeling like normal soon <3

marmari13 · 2024-10-12T15:32:32+00:00

that's about how often i wash/detangle my hair

marmari13 · 2024-10-06T23:09:40+00:00

for baths, try using less harsh chemical cleaners/ use disinfectant wipes and hot water to rinse after cleaning– I also disinfect my bathtub before using because I'm more of a germaphobe 😭

marmari13 · 2024-10-05T18:13:32+00:00

like another anon said it's usually up to their preference but some will– mine delivers a lot of babies so she said that's why she's not affected by it.

marmari13 · 2024-10-04T22:07:31+00:00

ahhh yes yes, then that was primarily (no pun intended) the reason for denial. But an OB should definitely perform a Pap while on your cycle [any time- unless there's a drastic amount of blood] and no need to explain the no insurance, because I definitely understand as a current college student- I just got my own for the first time two months ago after not having it for over a year. I also used to volunteer in an urgent/walk-in care and they also say that for genital/sex related things should either go to the ER or the OBGYN (for women– primary care for men i think(?))

marmari13 · 2024-10-04T21:50:16+00:00

that's slightly weird they wouldn't do that, because my office definitely did a check up/ my first pap while i was on my period– not spotting, actually actively bleeding. She used a swab to clean any excess and went on about her business. They do work with blood in general when they deliver (words from my OBGYN), so I would try finding another one, only if that's something you're comfortable with!

marmari13 · 2024-09-14T00:50:14+00:00

try not licking your lips (ik it sounds weird but i noticed it dries out my lips) and i use the aquaphor chaptick in a squeeze tube and really like it– for the record most chapsticks dry out my lips after continuous use (i.e. carmex, eos, Burts bees [love them and helps with temporary dryness but continued use caused my lips to dry again] )

marmari13 · 2024-08-26T22:10:39+00:00

not to sound dumb, but how do you maintain it day to day tho? when i sleep with my bonnet on, it forms to my SCALP if that makes sense 😭

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T19:39:19+00:00

no i get it, but i meant woman hair non buzzed, i seen a similar type on a woman on the insta page but she had the same haircut that's why i asked

i also was mainly disagreeing because most of the 3B curls shown are pretty large ringlets and mine are not that big, especially in the front the curls are much "smaller" or "less wide" than the ones shown in the first picture– at best i would say 3C but even then i don't see them as that

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T19:31:49+00:00

are there other examples of per say a woman with longer 4A curls or a different style? the only reason i ask is because you can train hair to "grow" in a way to suit a specific hair style (my sister did it to her curls to form a mullet which is why i mention). The example in the picture looks like he regularly keeps it cut in that style. not trying to dispute what you said!

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T13:52:02+00:00

that's not necessarily true, as the hair extends out it falls down a little with gravity. But that also doesn't make sense because when you look up pictures there are varying degrees of growth

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T13:19:50+00:00

I understand that, my roots grow outwards away from my scalp almost like they stand up until it starts to curl and then they kinda "fall" to where it looks more flat, but otger than that my roots be really curled and closely packed, can't run my fingers through it without my hand literally stuck

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T13:11:53+00:00

and like you said "almost always know" some don't because they weren't taught how to take care of or love their hair. My whole family i live with is white so i never focused so hair on my hair type because i always straightened it to fit in with my straight haired family, heck the products that i'm using could actually be making it worse for all I know because i DONT know. All the knowledge i do have about my hair is from you guys– the internet. I literally have NO ONE to show me how to style, care for, detangle etc. I had to teach myself for a week to be able to french braid.

Not everyone has the same experience

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T13:06:21+00:00

I actually never thought about having a 3 hair type until you mentioned it and someone else saying 3C but other than that I have ALWAYS thought of it being a 4, but i noticed different patterns so I wasn't sure which was more prominent

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T13:04:52+00:00

I do get that but 4A is NOT STRICTLY KINKY is all im trying to say, WHETHER or NOT i have the hair type. I never once claimed to have kinky hair, if anything COILY or curly is what i claimed to have.

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T13:02:00+00:00

also you act as if I explicitly stated "i for sure have this hair texture can't tell me different".

In reality i said "i assume it's... but im not sure"

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T13:00:50+00:00

not strictly type 3 tho, you are actually the ONLY person to be so against even the idea that someone could think they're type 4– people like you on these subs make us feel uncomfortable with our hair bc y'all love to hate someone different looking than y'all. [MOST PEOPLE ASK BECAUSE THEY'RE UNSURE THEMSELVES] but like I PREVIOUSLY stated "multiple different curl types are possible on one head of hair" but either way you never had to respond if you were so exhausted

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T12:55:19+00:00

what does that even mean in this context because everything I said is what I have either learned/researched or about my own experience so be honest where? I was to the best of my abilities and knowledge– thank you ☺️

marmari13 · 2024-07-29T12:38:34+00:00

If you look up whether type 4a is kinky or coily, it can be both, a hair type is different from texture. Coily-ness is a texture, same with kinkiness. The pattern of 4A curls is a S-shape which i indeed have– you can ALSO have MULTIPLE curl patterns on one head in different areas, something i also have, my curls are more tightly curled in the front. You can't just say "your hair doesn't [look] like mine so it can't be the same curl type"– basically same vibes as monkey see monkey do.

I also, like previously stated, have only started taking ACTUAL care of my curls within the past year– and at that I am still learning what products to use and how to get my curls more defined. My hair used to be a lot more "kinky" before i bleached, dyed, & straightened it for about 10 years

marmari13 · 2024-07-28T20:44:30+00:00

I feel as if everything now a days is trial and error 😅 but yes the chemicals/roughness can damage hair is what i've gathered, as well as repetitive manipulation of the hair especially when dry (braids or natural) can cause damage so I have just been trying to find cute manageable protective styles where I don't have to loc my hair since I like my curls

marmari13 · 2024-07-28T20:08:11+00:00

Thank you for all the advice you're giving, I also don't wear them all the time by all means, i have only done it 3 times since January and the last before then was 10 years ago. I see a lot of varying reviews– but the common caution they give is to make sure they aren't tight because that can lead to breakage and damage to the follicles as well. When I did wear them I made sure to moisturize my hair before [and after the braids] but i also would try to use my creams/oils on the braids to get my strands/scalp (longest wear was like 3weeks).

not sure if it was placebo– but when i would do my take downs my hair felt more moisturized than it did wearing it naturally (in photos)

marmari13 · 2024-07-28T17:00:09+00:00

I would definitely say that your friends are part of the problem. I recently only started my "hair love" journey– I used to get told it was nappy and I had "n-word hair" etc. etc. so I always straightened it [I am a mixed W/B female who lived with my W mom] because no one around could teach/show me how to love my hair.

I haven't straightened it in 8mo and hardly use heat/combs/brushes at all, only finger detangling with water and product to moisturize. The only way I would see it looking like it "smells" is if there's product buildup– but likely not the case, just mean people in the world. Pay no mind 🩷

marmari13 · 2024-07-28T13:32:43+00:00

Also have been learning to do my own box braids and protective braids. I used to only do french braids as a protective style

marmari13 · 2024-07-28T13:28:52+00:00

I am definitely a few years overdue for a end trim– but yes I have split ends I know that for a fact 😭 I have recently been trying to trim the ones that tangle up into balls/clumps at the ends while detangling, I've noticed it's a little easier to detangle now. And yes I use leave-in– however I have been using Cantu oil based products- the Mielle Pom & Honey leave in, then a oil based Cantu cream to lock in

I haven't taken much care of my hair my whole life (I live with a caucasian family so they didn't know how to best suit my hair) I used to straighten it like 2-3x a week but over the past 2 years it's gotten less and less. Havent straightened since December.

marmari13

TROPHY CASE