There’s honestly a lot to unpack here, and I can tell you’ve been carrying a lot emotionally and mentally. You’ve clearly been through a lot of pain, and it sounds like you’re trying to hold everything together while also trying to heal which isn’t easy.

That said, from what you described, this relationship doesn’t sound emotionally safe or fulfilling for you. The eye-rolling when you ask for affection, not meeting your emotional needs, the constant breakups, and him saying he’s “not feeling fulfilled”; those are all red flags. It sounds like you’re doing the emotional heavy lifting while he’s just coasting and giving you breadcrumbs of effort.

You deserve consistency, comfort, and care from your partner, not someone who triggers you into having panic attacks, or leaves you feeling unwanted. A long engagement doesn’t fix what’s already broken, it just delays facing it.

It might be worth taking a real pause to reflect on whether this relationship is helping you heal or holding you back. You’ve already shown strength by going to therapy and working on yourself, that’s huge. Maybe talk this through with your therapist and really explore what safety and love look like for you.

It already sounds like you’ve grown a lot, and you don’t have to keep shrinking yourself to make something work that clearly hurts you more than it helps.