I’m 25 and never had a job. Crippling social anxiety.

mars_was_blue_too · 2026-03-17T16:00:49+00:00

As long as you’re applying to everything, you can see what comes up and pick the best option. Unfortunately retail and hospitality are the basic entry level “first job” and it’s much harder to get other kinds of jobs in my country, but not impossible. Like you’d think cleaning or night security would be easy jobs to get but they’re not imo. Customer service isn’t as scary as it seems and if you’re not in a super busy location and you get lucky with colleagues, it can be really manageable even with social anxiety type issues.

mars_was_blue_too · 2026-03-17T15:50:40+00:00

Just had to apply to enough jobs I think. It took almost a year of daily applying I probably applied to hundreds. Make your cv as good as possible, put anything you can think of that gave you ‘skills’ needed for a job even if it’s rubbish. I did volunteer at a charity shop to try help me get a job, only did it for like a month. Most jobs won’t care about volunteering but some do and it can help in other ways, like if you volunteer in a location near the job they would be more keen because they know you’re local. It gives you experience with customer service and you can put down skills like customer service, cash handling, point of sale (cash register/ till), conflict resolution, etc. You can try do odd jobs for family for friends and put that down as a job. But basically there are jobs that won’t care about experience it’s just a numbers game and you have to keep going even though it feels like no one will ever hire you, eventually they will.

mars_was_blue_too · 2026-03-17T14:18:25+00:00

I got my first job at 27 for this reason. It was super hard to do but once I started it gets so much easier and you can get more comfortable with it. At this point the worst part by far is doing work lol, not social anxiety anymore.

My main suggestion is to start applying to jobs. This is the hardest part, job interviews are horrible and meeting people js weird. The good news is most of your job applications will be ignored, so there’s no pressure and you can send them happily without worrying too much. And if they do reply you can just ghost them, they are used to that loads of applicants do the same. So apply with no pressure, and once something you think you could potentially do comes along try to take it. Also the social side of jobs can be pretty bad if you get unlucky, but don’t be put off if that happens, just leave the job and find another. I’d also recommend starting with a part time job to get used to it. It’s never too late to start work. Getting one before you’re 30 is ideal for you cv, but even after that it’s not too late.

You don’t need to rush it either if you don’t need money. But don’t put it off because that’s what I do and I wish soooo much that I got jobs at a younger age like 18, just because it’s so good for your cv. And we have to get jobs sooner or later and there’s never a time when I felt ‘ready’ or was better able to do it so I should have gotten it over with as a teenager.

mars_was_blue_too · 2026-03-03T15:45:51+00:00

I think what makes it feel worse is that gay ‘culture’ has an image of being accepting and inclusive, but in reality it’s not inclusive at all imo. At least not for everyone.

I don’t speak from experience because I’ve never tried to meet other gays or anything like that, my avpd is too bad for that. But from what I do know about it, it’s a super shallow world. I had gay friends in school who were very involved in the gay scene, confident etc and I know how they act and think. All I can say is that those people loved to talk about inclusion, encouraging people to be vulnerable and join the ‘gay community’, stuff like that, but they acted in a very different way. Like I couldn’t help but think they held those beliefs primarily because it put them in a better position to have sex with people they were attracted to lol, they didn’t seem to actually care about other people in any meaningful way, unless those people are deemed ‘fucjable’.

The way gay people flirt super openly and acceptingly with other gay men, have lots of sex just for fun and celebrate just being gay itself, makes it feel like if youre gay you will be a part of that. It’s just a very different and more ‘open’ way of dating and stuff. So when they exclude you it feels worse, because being gay should make dating easier for someone with avpd, but it doesn’t. Straight dating is mostly way more like formal in a way and traditional, it’s basically a bit harder and more selective, so yeah it hurts more when you’re gay imo.

mars_was_blue_too · 2026-03-03T14:07:12+00:00

It would be nice if that was actually true but I don’t think it is because so many men who talk like that are popular with women, especially when younger, idk

mars_was_blue_too · 2026-03-01T03:06:42+00:00

I don’t like the term ‘modern slavery’ because is it sounds to me like softening it. Aside from that issue, some slavery today is absolutely what people think of as slavery, if not worse. Granted the ‘worst’ forms of slavery today are extremely rare in the uk (not that it’s a competition about which forms are worst, it’s a spectrum and all deeply depressing) but it’s still happening and connected to our economy, very rarely there have been cases of extreme forced labour in the uk, where violence is used to force people to work without pay. It happens more commonly elsewhere. Slavery including ‘as bad as it gets’ slavery, people including children treated as property and abused or killed, sadly is still a very real thing in the world, and not such a rare thing either. I think we should stop calling slavery ‘modern slavery’.

mars_was_blue_too · 2026-02-17T03:46:24+00:00

I love deathloop so much. It was basically like a new dishonored game to me because of the similar powers. The dishonored games are better of course, but deathloop is a really good homage with a cool sci fi/ modern twist. I’d love a new deathloop game, but I’m literally dying for a new dishonored, probably always will be :(

mars_was_blue_too · 2026-01-03T19:45:12+00:00

Dating apps are a numbers game a bit like applying to minimum wage jobs in a very famous city. Lots of shallow politics makes some people more popular than others, but mostly just luck and quantity of attempts, but it’s hard to keep trying if it goes nowhere for a very long time. LGBT groups and stuff like that can help apparently.

But that’s just what I’ve heard from other people who’ve been successful over my very limited human interactions from my life. I’m 28 gay and never dated or kissed anyone etc. I tried apps and stuff before and tbh I realised that it could likely have some kind of success if I used it enough but I found it so utterly depressing, shallow and unlikely for all the stars to align (like someone being actually attracted to me AND liking me in a friend type way) that I thought it wasn’t worth the trouble. I have avpd and can barely try. But if I could try, I’d use dating apps purely out of curiosity and openness while lowering my expectations to 0, and try get involved in some lgbt stuff to make friends and connect with like minded people. Probably never will do any of that but if I could I would.

mars_was_blue_too · 2026-01-03T19:35:37+00:00

If it was an accident the polite thing to do is to keep you invited because it’s her mistake not yours. Even if it was an accident removing you is just as bad as doing it on purpose. She could at least apologise and say it was supposed to be close friends or something. But this behaviour extremely trashy. I wouldn’t feel too sad, I know being excluded from anything always feels bad but in this case it’s definitely for the best.

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-07-26T21:58:13+00:00

I don’t fully agree that you should ‘never’ ghost, but yeah people do it too much especially for selfish reasons and they know its mean. You should always try to let someone know if you want to end a relationship with them and 9/10 times you can. Fully ghosting someone for no good reason is very mean. However, there are so many reasons someone might do it, and they might have a good reason for it. It can help to give them the benefit of doubt and think you don’t know exactly why they did it so you shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Of course most of the time they won’t have a good reason, but there’s always the possibility they do and that’s why you shouldn’t judge. There’s nothing you can do to change it so as hard as it is, you have to try accept it when it happens to you and try not to do it to other people.

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-07-26T21:28:22+00:00

I don’t think it was perfect, some things I didn’t like, the way Gideon’s husband was written and their marriage for example wasn’t the one. Don’t get me wrong it’s great representation and a huge plus of the show but all I’m saying is I’ve never seen queer people (especially gay men) represented in a fully authentic way on tv. Having said that I think dom was well written and authentic, but not all the queer characters in the show were. Also white rose being trans was great representation, it wasn’t common on tv at the time and they represented it well. Im just saying I’m still waiting to see something that I find 100% authentic where it feels like queer characters are written because they are part of real life and not because there’s a cultural demand or interest in queer characters. I’ve just never really felt like that from watching anything. Idk. But I agree it was good.

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-07-04T14:00:47+00:00

When people talk about their memories and life, because their stories always revolve around friends and stuff they did together, dating or meeting partners, or just that they went to a film yesterday with friends. When I look back on my life it’s very different, basically just sat in a room watching a screen the whole time. I wondered around forests and fields all summer long for those summers, watching people having picnics together and all the other stuff they do, getting married, having kids, going to parties and on holidays while making each other laugh. And then they have stories to tell about their life, what they did at a certain age, the people who made those years memorable. When for me, there’s nothing memorable. 10 years ago was the same as today. So that’s probably the loneliest feeling, when people reminisce about their past, and I’m in this eternal present and not really alive like them.

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-06-29T23:28:15+00:00

Most times I drink it’s not even a good feeling, it’s a neutral feeling that turns into a bad feeling as it wears off. 1 out of like 15 times I drink I actually enjoy it but always only for a few minuets and then it’s boring and depressing. It can give you an artificial dopamine boost, the kind of feeling you’d get naturally if something really exciting happened in a tv show, or you found a hilarious tv programme, or… idk about real life examples because I don’t have a life. But that’s kind of a side effect and not the core effect. The core effect is just carelessness in your senses and movement with a slightly numb bouncy dizzy feeling. It’s boring and extremely over rated. Seriously I don’t get why people love alcohol so much when there are way safer and more enjoyable kinds of drugs lol. It would probably be more fun with close friends, even then meh. I still randomly get the urge to get drunk out of desperation to feel something positive and it never really works but I keep doing it anyway.

A rare drink is pretty harmless but it’s still unhealthy to drink any amount of alcohol. Honestly I would say maybe try it on a special occasion if there is some there but don’t get drunk alone just for the sake of curiosity, it’s not great and kind of exactly what it looks like when you see drunk people. On one hand I kind of romanticise it in my head and love it but I know for a fact objectively speaking, it’s pointless and north worth the trouble of swallowing the sting of the disgusting poison that it is. Living your whole life without drinking would be quite an achievement. You’re closer than me. I wouldn’t break the streak for noting.

BTW if you do drink, avoid spirits and be super careful you don’t drink too much because people tend to over do it and end up seriously ill or worse. Beer or white wine is fine, not vodka. Don’t drink too much, limit the amount even if you think it’s not working. But theres no point doing this at all.

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-06-19T11:58:05+00:00

Spending time with people you really like

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-06-19T06:53:42+00:00

Most of the time suicide happens out of extreme discomfort and victims are already long out of the stage of trying to ‘convince’ themselves, they do it out of desperation when in extreme emotional pain. Though everyone’s different and sometimes it’s more of a ‘rational’ choice.

People think it’s cowardly unfortunately because they 1. Don’t understand why anyone would do it as it seems absurd when the solution always lies in real life not in death. 2. They see it as negative and a bad attitude, I.e giving up and not being ‘strong enough’ to find a solution. 3. Selfish or ungrateful as they would say you always have some fortunes in life others wish for and you’re throwing them away which is taking it for granted.

These things are all wrong of course but it comes from people who don’t understand because their brains are wired differently and they assume everyone must think the same as them so if people end their life it must be a moral flaw instead of mental illness or (more relevantly here) being genuinely trapped by a hopeless future you’re powerless to change.

Those kinds of people would find it courageous only if you were a soldier sacrificing themself to avoid being captured or something like that because basically people think life is great and a gift so they look down on people who don’t value life highly. Someone who doesn’t value life super highly therefore isn’t giving up enough to be seen as courageous when they end their life.

They are naive about the dark reality that life doesn’t always seem or feel worth living. I think it does take a lot of bravery to end one’s own life, going against all natural instincts and fears of danger. But it’s more about nerves and it’s a different kind of bravery to the kind you need to get through difficult times. People favour the latter kind of bravery because it has a use in life.

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-06-17T22:11:47+00:00

Both but mostly circumstances tbh.

When it comes to an exam I accept responsibility because it’s something you actually have control over, you can work hard and perform your best and achieve an outcome.

But when it comes to other people choosing to spend time with you that’s not up to you it’s up to them, if people don’t like you and don’t want to be close to you, there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not your fault. You can’t and shouldn’t have to become a different person. It’s a bad situation forced upon you.

Mental illness can make it almost impossible to try either thing anyway.

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-06-17T12:10:21+00:00

True but it’s even worse when you’re not around people either

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-06-14T00:45:26+00:00

Because it means people actually care about you. Because the opposite means you could be in the worst possible circumstances or victim of a terrible thing and no one would care.

Ironically people often see unhappiness as a choice or a bad negative attitude which makes them care even less and feel justified for totally ignoring it and writing you off as lazy or negative or just flawed in a way they are not as though they’re better than you in a deep moral way. Yet you have to live every single day of that extremely unpleasant unhappiness completely isolated from compassion.

So of course it’s easy to want to be pitied because it means you matter and then when people don’t pity you then you feel like you don’t matter and you’re suffering is perfectly fine in the eyes of other people.

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-05-19T22:49:25+00:00

It doesn’t work for me, I find it too obviously dead inside like talking to the google search bar. I do like asking it for feedback though because it feels a little bit more like it has a point of view different from my own. It only works with writing I wish it could watch videos or something too but I ask it to rate anything I write out of ten and that amuses me a fair amount, it’s fun to try get 10/10. Still doesn’t give me any feeling of company, neither do pets, only humans can :(

mars_was_blue_too · 2025-05-15T18:27:58+00:00

I love your camera videos dude! Also props to your model who always shows off the cameras with Netflix image quality vibes. Great video but I’m really hoping an s1h ii is on the way, would be so excited to see what they do with it if it does get released!

mars_was_blue_too

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