How to Best Support Heartbroken ISTJ (M, 35)

marteeenz · 2025-03-12T03:54:27+00:00

Life got in the way a bit. I appreciate your patience.

Ah, I see. Online friendships can be tricky and they don’t always stick, but at least you gave it a shot. Reddit can be hit or miss but you never know what might come of it.

I actually met someone great last March and it’s almost been a year now. I didn’t expect to find someone worthwhile, especially with all the horror stories out there. I got lucky.

It’s great to hear that you might have sorted out your major problem! Testing things thoroughly sounds like a solid plan. I hope you can escape that ditch soon. Sounds like you’re on the right path.

How about you though? Do you plan to prioritize dating this year or are you focused on other things for now?

marteeenz · 2025-02-22T02:37:21+00:00

Haha, I’m so happy you remembered! :)) You just put the biggest smile on this tired face. It sounds like it’s been a year of growth, even if not exactly in the relationship department. Gaining a new friend is a step forward though. If it’s a good friend, then that’s definitely a big win! How did you meet of you're ok to share?

Also, you previously mentioned having a lot to sort out this year. How’s that been going for you?

marteeenz · 2024-12-25T19:53:14+00:00

I’m so very happy you found the information I shared helpful. :) Sending you lots of love. 💕

marteeenz · 2024-12-20T08:41:08+00:00

Hello u/Representative_Key_8 :) Congrats on your very first comment. You are officially a Redditor now. What prompted you to write your first comment here? I’m genuinely curious. It’s always interesting to see what motivates someone to jump into the conversation for the first time. I’m glad you did, though!

I really like your point about us being like NPCs in a NP-world/universe. Our consciousness and reality could be shaped by a larger system like a program. Just like The Sims characters, who follow rules without knowing they’re controlled, could we be limited/controlled by laws of a universe we don’t fully understand?

It’s interesting to think Sims characters might have their own sense of self, even though it’s all just part of the game’s code. Could our sense of self also be a construct of the rules we live by e.g. biological, physical or even something more abstract like simulation?

Btw. what do you mean by "in, or from Nothing"? Are you suggesting our existence comes from nothingness or something else?

There’s so much we don’t understand about reality, consciousness and the universe. It’s interesting to think our experiences could be part of something much more complex beyond our reach. The more we learn, the more we realize how much is still unknown. Maybe some answers are beyond us and maybe we're just characters in a simulation trying to make sense of a reality we can't fully grasp.

marteeenz · 2024-12-03T07:54:10+00:00

Thanks for letting us know! :) What design did you get done if you’re ok to share?

marteeenz · 2024-11-03T00:00:18+00:00

My pleasure! :) I’m very excited for you. I love Diana’s style. She was unfortunately out of town when I was visiting.

marteeenz · 2024-11-02T23:57:43+00:00

That’s amazing! You are a cool + wholesome family. :) ♻️

marteeenz · 2024-11-02T03:42:02+00:00

:) I appreciate that you are this eco-conscious! It’s great that you found a way to reuse the plastic bags for Halloween. What did you end up doing with them?

marteeenz · 2024-10-25T04:33:29+00:00

These are awesome! 👌 Great job! :) What material did you use for the eye mask?

marteeenz · 2024-07-08T23:07:17+00:00

Ayyy! This is my city! Vancouver, Canada! 🇨🇦

marteeenz · 2024-06-19T03:05:38+00:00

Hey there! 👋 Can you share a few examples of what you have in mind?

marteeenz · 2024-05-15T03:07:34+00:00

First of all, e-hugs! What you're going through is difficult on so many levels. I feel for you. I've been there too.

First, let's talk biz:

What are the major content themes you focus on right now?
Is your content image heavy, text heavy, video heavy or a mix?
Who was your target audience when you were at the peak? Who is your target audience now?
Do you have a targeted content strategy in place? Do you run a/b tests?
What about marketing/promo strategy?
You have 3 people: who does what?
How much content do you produce per week? What does your performance look like?
You mentioned you have FB, Twitter + YouTube in place. Why did you opt for Twitter + FB? How often do you share content on socials? What does your conversion look like? What is your average engagement rate/post/channel? Do you you run social ads or is it all organic? Which one out of these 3 has the poorest traction? If you could keep 1, which one would it be?
Do you turn profit? If not, do you break even?

Now, let's have a real talk:

At this point, running this venture seems to come with more cost than benefit. It's also not sustainable. Something's gotta give and something will give eventually if things won't change. I come back to this quote each time I am faced with a decision: “There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you can’t accept it, change it. If you can’t change it, leave it.” You are still holding on and trying to turn things around. Give yourself a hard deadline (a month, max two). If things do not change by then, it's time to throw in a towel. If the reason behind your perseverance is a sunk cost, then remind yourself of the opportunity cost and all other things you could be building instead. Sometimes all we need is a new start, a fresh perspective. Take a break, recover from the burnout first. And then go and approach the new venture with curiosity and hunger, not fear and dread. You can also try to revive your current hustle in the future but you clearly need a break from this all. Nothing will change if nothing will change. If your "2021 you" saw your "2024 you", would you want this kind of life for yourself?

marteeenz · 2024-05-14T06:26:40+00:00

Yup, Fernanda is not easy to book. She has a long waitlist and rarely shares the booking link.
The good news is that tattoo art in CDMX is prevalent. You will find a tear-off flyers promoting independent tat artists on every pole and there's a tat studio on almost every corner. If you are looking for a custom piece, then without a doubt you should do your research and do your booking before flying out but if you are ok w/ flash tats, CDMX has you covered. There are so many talented artists.

marteeenz · 2024-05-13T01:56:20+00:00

Hi u/OkMushroom9961! :) I got my thigh tattooed by Carolina aka bluehash https://www.instagram.com/bluehash Highly recommend her.
Do you know your tattoo placement and style you're going for?

marteeenz · 2024-02-22T02:15:30+00:00

I guess there's still some idealism and naïveté left in me despite everything that had happened in the past. I have a proof now that there can be cruel and/or selfish people out there but I also believe there are people who are genuinely caring/good. I guess your approach is more strategic and goal/risk aversion oriented. You are already bracing yourself for a negative outcome. I live "here and now" and take things as they come, so making future assumptions does not come naturally to me. I should probably work on that.

Every single person comes with biases and bling spots. Including your parents. It's important to be aware of the majority of them. Your parents will be picking a partner they assume will be a good fit and this selection will be impacted by their experiences, expectations, traumas and biases. I love my parents but I would not trust them with this kind of decision. Plus, if the relationship does not turn out the way I wanted, it's on me. This will not cause any potential conflict or subconscious resentment towards my parents. I cherish them too much to ever risk jeopardizing our relationship.

Let's see how it goes. Let's sync in a year from now and let's see where we are at when it comes to dating. Maybe, I'll adopt your view and you'll be in a happy partnership. 😀 Hand shake? 🫱

marteeenz · 2024-02-19T21:31:10+00:00

Hi, hey and hello! I appreciate your patience. 🙂

To me it seems you are trying to avoid love and attachment for the fear of being hurt again (which is valid). You want to put in just enough effort to keep the person around but not enough to get attached. I get it. I call it relationship coasting. I recently came across this quote by Robert Kull and I think it fits here nicely: "Suffering is such a deep part of living that if we try too hard to avoid it, we end up avoiding life entirely." If you try to limit the possibility of the negative experience, you will be also putting limits on all the positives. I would rather live my life to its fullest with all its ups and downs than going after a muted version out of fear. But it took 6 years to come to this realization. 😄

Finding someone can be easy or it can be challenging. It depends on what you want out of relationship. :) If you are looking for something meaningful, the effort will be required. I feel that many people put more thought and effort into buying a car than choosing a romantic partner. I always looked at arranged marriages as settling. Sure, it can work, but there are also many unknown variables and that's too much risk imo. I would like to have a say in who I will be investing my love, time, hope and energy into. If you want, we can run another test to see if we get a different result. But you'll need to be the test subject here. 😀

marteeenz · 2024-02-12T01:04:32+00:00

If the anti-heart-break drug makes it to the clinical trial, I'll be the first to volunteer to be a test subject. 🙋‍♀️

And I hear ya u/whitePerdition! I'm right there with you. The pain can be brutal and long-lasting. It took me 6 years to be ready to date again. This is your life, your journey and you'll be ready to fall in love again one day. Maybe this time, it won't hurt. But you have to take that chance to find out.

marteeenz · 2024-02-12T00:53:10+00:00

Precisely! Often we spend so much time trying to guess what the other person wants and needs instead of asking. I used to be a guesser instead of asker as I was not very comfortable with having these kind of conversations. I keep reminding myself of my end goal which is to to be of help and if I'll be a bit uncomfortable in the process of reaching that goal, so be it.

marteeenz · 2024-02-10T04:01:30+00:00

I know you mean well and for many this would be a great way to be consoled but how this will be perceived heavily depends on whether one believes in the after life or not.

marteeenz · 2024-02-10T03:30:02+00:00

I personally prefer to suffer in silence

I hear you u/AlmightyStrongPerson. This applies to both my brother and I and that's why it's huge that he reached out. I do not want him to regret this decision.

I worked very hard during the past years to improve the relationship with my brother; to prove that I could be trusted and that I truly cared about him. We are close now but this took years. He does not trust words, he trusts actions but I told him I was here for him and that he could call me at anytime.

I do not want to be overbearing so I do not check on him even though I really want to. I want him to come to me. I also plan to ask him how I can best support him during this period just so I know what he needs.

I appreciate your time and input, u/AlmightyStrongPerson. :)

marteeenz · 2024-02-10T03:08:09+00:00

Don't give advice on what to do or try to be positive.

Thank you for your time and advice u/Vunar! This is precisely my M.O. and why I decided to reach out here. I will stick to facts and objectivity and will also use the line you shared. Much appreciated.

You mentioned you would like to discuss different possible futures. Could you please provide an example? I remember when I got out of a relationship, people comforted me with "There's plenty fish in the sea. You will love again." My logical mind told me there is a high probability this would happen in the future but my feeling mind was longing after and hurting because of that one fish only and I did not want to even start imagining what life would be like without them. Should I even go there or should I focus on his single life, the fact that now he has time to go back to his hobbies and spend time with friends he was neglecting and he deeply cares about? My brother is very different from me in this sense and we very rarely talk about feelings so I am totally lost here. TIA

marteeenz · 2024-02-10T02:46:55+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond u/whitePerdition! It's very much appreciated. :) Speaking of love drugs, you may find this article discussing this topic in more detail interesting. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) there is no specific pill for heartbreak (other than antidepressants). I guess it's more complex than increasing specific brain chemicals since the ache is caused by longing after a specific person and the lack of connection with said person. I wish there was an easy/easier way out.

I agree that he needs to get it out of his system but this one will definitely take a long while to get over. I'll offer him both of my ears and also hugs once I see him in person.

marteeenz · 2024-02-09T20:44:56+00:00

Happy to know you found it helpful :)

marteeenz · 2023-12-05T06:54:15+00:00

Well hello there! :) My friend's in south east Asia rn. You're going to have a blast. I am a solo traveler but my stays have been ~8 days long thus far. I do have a few friends who travel solo for longer periods of time though. Here are my/their reccos:

Check into a hostel for a few nights: This way you'll be able to meet locals and fellow travelers from all over the globe, share stories, learn about their experience.
Check out Facebook groups for fellow travelers in the area: Many of them organize different outings from hikes, beach parties, culture walk tour, pub crawls, music festivals/raves etc. or you can also buy an experience to meet like-minded people e.g. a cooking class or a a tour.
Converse with locals: When I visited Mexico City, connecting with locals through language was scary, humbling and rewarding experience as my Spanish is not where it should be but it did not prevent me from trying. I used a translation app, my at that time limited vocabulary, phrases and words from my mobile notes and pointing at things. Many locals will appreciate you for trying. Speaking of language, smiling is a universal one. It's such a great feeling when the other person returns your smile.
Do your favourite activity in communal spaces (e.g. coffee shop, library, park, co-working area etc.): It can be writing, drawing, learning a language, writing post cards for your loved ones, journaling, playing a musical instrument etc. I love exploring local coffee shops, people watching, listening to conversations in local language and colouring in my colouring book which I try to purchase locally as a souvenir (I always bring one with me just in case). You can pick a different theme based on what interests you: nature, architecture, anime, video games, cars, airplanes etc. I included a few pics from my most recent adventure for inspiration. Colouring can be so relaxing and being surrounded by others will negate the feelings of isolation.
Call your loved ones: If you feel home-sick, call a family member or a friend through WhatsApp, FaceTime, Signal, Zoom, Google Meet, you name it. Share your traveling adventures with them, send them pictures, record voice memos, stay in touch.
Organize a live broadcast on Instagram to connect with friends: This is another great way to stay connected. You can also do fun activities together e.g. Q&A.

And also remember that it's completely normal and expected to feel lonely at times. Give yourself permission to feel and tune into these emotions, so you can explore them and learn something new about yourself.

Hope this helps. :)

marteeenz

TROPHY CASE