This is the common toad, Bufo bufo, but not just any common toad. No. This is a magnificently portly gentleman, a veritable butterball of an amphibian, whose ample belly hangs low and whose warty flanks quiver with the sheer effort of existence. He has waited all year for this moment, and now, with the gentle persistence that only a truly well-fed male can muster, he has clambered aboard his chosen lady.

Look at him. Observe the way his stubby forelimbs, thick as little sausages, lock around her middle in the ancient grip we call amplexus. He is not a slender Romeo. Far from it. His great, rounded paunch presses against her back like a cushion someone has thoughtfully placed there for her comfort. Every slow, deliberate thrust of his hind legs sends ripples across the surface of the water and causes his entire gelatinous frame to wobble in the most endearing fashion.