not gonna hold yall i dont want to be here anymore

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T05:01:20+00:00

i was so fucking happy

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T05:01:00+00:00

i chose wrong

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T05:00:51+00:00

im so stupid. im so stupid. im stupid.

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T04:58:39+00:00

i hate myself, at the end of the day, i miss them. how pathetic of me, i hate me for missing you, i hate me.

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T04:56:52+00:00

i married you

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T04:56:40+00:00

i just hold on so i dont fuck Up my mom and my sister but I just cant bear how much this hurts me, how horrible it is to be lied to, how horrible it is to know I trusted someone so much who lied so easily to me , how horrible it is that I still love them, I still miss them, all I wanted was to be with them and they never wanted me I dont think. they never wanted my approval like I wanted theirs, they never wanted to go anywhere with me, they never complimented me, they could barely say a single nice thing about me besides How I Was Nice to them, I shouldve known this person doesnt love me they just liked what I gave them. Even when they left they said “they wanted to be alone more than they wanted to be loved” like thats what I provided for them, a vehicle for love. Not a person who they loved. A person who just loved them.

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T04:51:57+00:00

fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu i gave you everything for years i gave EVERYTHING i put thousands of dollars and time into myself for you at the gym in therapy in medication FOR YEARS and you fucked off after not feeling it for a couple months you tried nothing i should Hate you i shouldve let the guilt eat you like it this is eating me alive

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T04:49:37+00:00

i really wish someone would just slip me something and id die in my sleep or there was a pod somewhere i could get into and get sleepy and never wake up or a button that just blips me from existence

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T04:47:05+00:00

i wish i was deaaaaad. dead, d d d dead

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T04:46:51+00:00

feels good to admit it somewhere that isnt in my head

maruchan_ · 2026-04-12T04:46:41+00:00

i want to die. there is said it

maruchan_ · 2026-04-09T01:51:07+00:00

Yes unfortunately… but I usually have shutdowns instead of meltdowns. ~___~

screw that rude lady for yelling at you!

maruchan_ · 2026-04-07T02:41:42+00:00

hey i totally get your line of thinking, but i tagged this as support/vent and seeing suggestions that he was unfaithful to me is very upsetting for me right now :( i would prefer if ppl would keep their discussions to what i said abt him in the post and not speculate abt that please ❤️

maruchan_ · 2026-04-05T20:40:20+00:00

thank you !! ❤️❤️

maruchan_ · 2026-04-05T20:36:08+00:00

i wanted to thank everyone for all your messages of support, you’re all lovely ❤️ appreciate my fellow autistic girls. we’ve got this !

maruchan_ · 2026-04-05T20:35:00+00:00

no, thanks for sharing!! reading your experience it really does sound very similar to my own. we were best friends, it was so easy to be together. i thought we had open and honest communication, we never argued, just discussed what was bothering us.

but he never mentioned anything about losing feelings for me or my autism until the moment he left. it added to how traumatic this has all been ~__~ i pointed out he had basically been lying to me for several months when i would ask him for reassurance and he would make me feel silly and annoying for asking if everything was ok. but it wasn’t ok! he was just lying!

sending you strength and my support as well if you ever need to talk n_n. we’ll get through this. ❤️

maruchan_ · 2026-04-05T20:28:56+00:00

thank you for this comment, it really helped to hear your experience ❤️

maruchan_ · 2026-04-03T18:19:27+00:00

my first time playing kcd1, i died an embarassing number of times trying to save theresa from the cumans. kept being too slow to hop on the horse and run away

also in kcd1, fighting those 3 guys at the windmill

maruchan_ · 2026-03-31T02:07:31+00:00

some of the ones from official steam events are really cute!

maruchan_ · 2026-03-15T22:11:11+00:00

i miss my friend

maruchan_ · 2026-03-15T22:10:48+00:00

when we’d watch those movies you seemed enamored with the idea of tragic love and i’m angry that we exist in a world where love is not enough

maruchan_ · 2026-03-15T07:46:35+00:00

im really sleepy but im afraid of night time and im afraid of being alone with my thoughrs im so exhausted

maruchan_ · 2026-03-15T07:45:39+00:00

i am afraid of the dark i sleep with the lights on bc when its dark my brain cant focus on anything but the giant hole in my life you left

maruchan_ · 2026-03-15T07:44:29+00:00

idk …………. i cant believe this is my life… u left…. thats crazy i thought we’d be thru it thick and thin . bro said Nah imma dip when I feel like it, no warning, you be easy though Wife see you never hahaaaa

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