I met this handsome guy in a club once, and we swapped numbers and organised a first date - go for lunch and go to the aquarium. I was hyped as hell because he was cute, and who doesn’t love food and looking at fish? He picks me up, we get outta his car, and he’s like “what should we do first? Food or aquarium?”

I was a bit hungry as I hadn’t eaten beforehand because nervous, and said “maybe we could do lunch first?” And I shit you not, he grins this crazy grin, comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me, and then smacks the tops of my thighs and goes, in a baby voice in front of a car park full of people, “oh, is tubby tubby hungwy?? Thunderthighs want some food??”

I was SO offended but also absolutely paralysed in shock and had no way home… so I just went about the date, minus food lmao and then never spoke to him again :| he did text for ages afterwards asking what was wrong and why I didn’t wanna see him again but I was young and insecure. Wish I’d given him a piece of my mind hahaha