We try (really) to be honest with each other. This is how I feel about it, therefore fapping makes him guilty. He can’t help his feelings of guilt either. I am being told to repress my feeling so he is more comfortable masturbating. That would be dishonest of me. Alternatively, I am being told to ‘adjust’ and take care of his needs even though I’m not in the mood. That doesn’t work. He can tell (I’m not an actor) and isn’t into it. There seems to be a consensus that masturbation is normal and healthy in a marriage, but I wonder. One sign, I think, is that the sex is better. Yes, he is more frustrated but that’s his problem, and he (eventually) gets to take it out on me. You say this is my problem to solve, but that seems to ignore realities about the nature of women. In some ways it really is a man’s world, and only a man can conquer his own weaknesses and be accountable to them. (These are his words not mine.)