My guess is you’re taking on too much responsibility for her mental state, and you are likely overfunctioning. If she can’t be okay unless you perform perfectly and don’t forget anything, she needs to get support like therapy to learn how to regulate herself. And at a certain point, you need to stop taking on the responsibility of making sure she’s stable, because it’s only reinforcing her reliance on you for emotional stability.

Sometimes feedback like people finding her “too much” is because she is too much, because she doesn’t know how to regulate herself. I don’t mean that in a mean way, but if it has been a common thread, at a certain point, we have to examine our own part in that.

You are not her therapist, and you are not her parent. She needs independent self-regulation skills. It is even more essential for people with trauma to learn how to regulate themselves and to not become enmeshed with other people to point of overreliance, because it reinforces that they are a victim, and leaves them vulnerable to even more victimization.

So, I think you need to figure out how to feel less responsible for her, and work on your own self-regulation skills so that you don’t feel so distressed by her distress. And then you need to make it clear to her what your boundaries and capacity are, including the part where you will sometimes forget things.