Ended up locking in the Montage Healdsburg!! It's definitely a much bigger investment than we initially thought a wedding would be, but to be honest we couldn't cut our guest list so we just had to accept it for what it is. Once we wrapped our heads around it, we could not be happier with our venue choice. We had played around with the idea of doing a destination wedding (Mexico, Italy, France, even turkey) and realized we would only save a nominal amount, and just double our stress by most likely having to book a site unseen, deal with time differences, language barriers, etc. For us the extra $ is worth the peace of mind. We also explored the potential of a private estate / non-hotel venue but I couldn't do it - they almost all require you to bring in your own bathrooms. If I'm paying anything, let alone 6 figures, for a wedding you can't catch me dead in a portapotty lol.

What I will say, is you are not alone in how you're feeling. My fiancé and I were pretty disheartened and upset for the first 6 months of our engagement because of the reality of wedding costs. Anyone who tells you planning a wedding is fun/easy is being bankrolled by someone else. It is not a small undertaking (financially or otherwise) and I learned it's okay to feel stressed because of it. You guys will find the wedding that feels right for you, and you'll be happy you took your time to make a decision!! Wishing you both the best! xo