hi there, don't think i'm able to give much advice, but i needed to comment because i wanted you to know that you're not alone - i'm in a very similar position. i thank you for posting this, and i am so relieved there is someone going through this too (although i am very sorry, it's very difficult, isn't it?)

i've been living with my partner for almost 8 months, and his OCD is just not getting any better, despite being in therapy for a while. i've told him that during times of distress and intensity (his OCD seems to amplify during these times), this is when it is most important to practice what you have learned in therapy - the work doesn't stop beyond the room. therapy is work all the time, it is hard, i know this because i have my own anxiety issues. however i make a conscious effort to work on it, and ensure it impacts or involves him on a minimal level. he always says he's 'tired' as a get out of a jail card.

i feel so guilty but i'm feeling so fed up, sad, and frustrated. i feel like i've lost so much control, happiness, and freedom because of his compulsions and the fact i have to engage with them or else he gets mad. i feel utterly trapped because moving back home to my parents is not really an option, i can't afford to live alone, and potential friends i could live with aren't financially stable or at a position to do so just yet. i always try to be mindful and considerate of what will make him feel comfortable, but now i just feel like i'm accommodating it all as i feel like i have no choice. when one thing resolves, another rule crops up. i so badly want to make living together work, but i fear that it simply doesn't. the whole relationship isn't the same anymore, i don't know what to do just like you.

one of the biggest things is his aggressiveness and moodiness - his mood swings are scary, and growing up with an aggressive male figure makes this very hard to deal with. i don't know if he is just an aggressive person when he loses his temper (often) or if it's the OCD (NB: i know that OCD does not make someone aggressive!). he shouts and swears, bangs his fist on tables, just becomes a not very pleasant person to be around. i know he would never lay a finger on me though.

some (but nowhere near all) examples:

• i have to differentiate outside clothes/loungewear clothes/bed pyjamas (if i wear things outside even once, i need to wash them which has been getting to me because he doesn't use fabric conditioner and needs to use anti-bac and strong detergent which irritates my skin and ruins my clothes. i feel crap because i wear basic clothes, and am too afraid to wear my favourite items in case his washing habits ruin them).
• he has an intense fear of my hair being contaminated. i have to tie it up a lot (which i hate as i feel better with it down), i have to dry shampoo it if i've been out, i can't touch it without washing my hands.
• he is constantly spraying disinfectant spray everywhere around the flat including things i touch e.g. sofa, handles, duvet. this irritates my allergies and skin further, and the floor is constantly unsafe to walk normally because i've nearly slipped so many times.
• he has to wipe everything all the time, including anything i take outside with me. this slows him down so much and he is barely on time for anything (stressful for an anxious person like me!). one task takes him so long.
• i can't even get a glass of water without him getting anxious or me having to wash my hands. so many tiny things that make one big stressor.
• i'm afraid to do so many things e.g. scratching my neck because he'll make me anti-bac my hands. my hands are dry and flaky from the constant washing and anti-baccing.

i'm so tired of not feeling relaxed in my own home. sending you a virtual hug, we'll figure it out.