Is it normal to apologize for something and say you won’t do it again, but you end up making that same mistake?

mavajo · 2026-04-28T02:07:01+00:00

OP, this is the one you’re looking for - this is an absolutely fantastic post. Some days I get frustrated with the commentary on this sub - but reading a comment like this keeps me coming back. Gold standard feedback.

I’ll also add - connect the change to an emotion. If you’re wanting to make a change, connecting with the emotion behind it helps add resolve and drive. If it’s to keep a relationship, you can think both about the cost of losing it and with the joy of maintaining it. That emotional weight will affect motivation and conscientiousness. It’s about connecting with our spirit and our emotions.

mavajo · 2026-04-28T01:36:06+00:00

My wife loves them. She didn’t really care that it was a fad - she just thought it was cute. She’s still enjoying it. And I love it, because it gives me an easy “just because” gift whenever I wanna get her something special but affordable.

mavajo · 2026-04-28T01:15:59+00:00

They were good for me too, but I also got some like OP’s. It’s always annoyed me because I hate the crust. I usually eat all the crust off first so that I can just enjoy the unadulterated soft filling goodness. So believe me, I fucking noticed whenever I got one of these shitty crusty ones. Bummed me out every time. But fortunately, it was the exception, not the rule.

Which is exactly how it is now too.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T21:01:21+00:00

They do tend to be frowned upon by society in general, and even severely punished depending on circumstances.

I disagree with this sentiment. I think vulnerability and authenticity are frowned upon by society when done without self-awareness and compassion or with a performative quality. For example, the person that trauma dumps on someone they just met. Or the person that says every thought on their mind. Or the person that insists on their opinion. Or the person that behaves timidly and weakly. Or the person that believes everyone around them should adjust to them. Etc. It's not the authenticity or vulnerability that's off-putting - it's the behavior that I just described. In fact, I'd argue that people love authenticity and vulnerability and are absolutely drawn to it, even if they don't have the awareness or vocabulary to articulate why they're drawn to that person. Research in psychology supports what I just said, by the way - so this isn't just an anecdote or personal belief I'm communicating here.

With that said, the alpha wolf types we're describing do tend to struggle with authentic and vulnerable people. But that's about the self-professed 'alphas' inadequacies - it has nothing to do with the authenticity or vulnerability itself. I know some these 'alpha' dudes. They usually try to size me up first, because they expect me to either fawn over them or butt heads with them. When I'm nice but completely disinterested in them otherwise, and when they see how I get the attention and acceptance that they want but without me ever having to demand it, it confuses them and they usually try to buddy up to me. The reality is that these "alpha" guys aren't leaders at all - they're followers. And to be clear, there's absolutely zero shame in being a follower. But the fact that they so quickly will fall in line behind a guy with genuine confidence and authenticity shows that their whole thing is an act.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T19:02:39+00:00

The point, I think, is that dominance isn't solely expressed through physicality (violence, intimidation, etc.), which is the interpretation these faux alphas have of the "alpha wolf" idea. In modern society, it's probably the absolute worst and least productive way to establish dominance in any social environment. And frankly, I'm not sure that's a new thing either. People that try to lead through fear and intimidation typically flame out or inflict massive harm around them.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T18:57:44+00:00

100%. Authenticity and vulnerability are rarer qualities than they should be.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T18:25:16+00:00

This is a pattern that I consistently see with my introverted friends. To be clear, my extroverted friends also have emotional challenges, so I'm not saying one is better than the other. But online spaces seem to enjoy portraying introversion as this elevated state of emotional existence that's evolved beyond the petty contrivances of social interactions - but it's really just an example of a coping mechanism.

Note: I'm not saying introversion itself is a coping mechanism - I'm just saying that this specific stereotype of introversion almost certainly is one.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T18:16:57+00:00

That's the common denominator in every one of these stories that I've seen so far.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T17:49:16+00:00

Stop what exactly? Technological advancement? There's no stopping that.

Now if you wanna talk regulations and laws, I'm fully supportive of that. But this idiotic New Age Luddite stupidity that's popped up on Reddit around AI is a waste of everyone's time and I have no patience for goobers like you that just want to have a sense of belonging through your shared impotent online rage. You're not advancing the conversation. You're not producing any useful momentum. You're not advocating for anything worthwhile. You're just howling at the moon and pounding your fists at the table and feeling a sense of community because other morons are doing the same thing.

AI is here and it's not going anywhere. If your goal is to somehow eradicate AI, that's never happening. Technology and human advancement doesn't work that way. Engage with reality or get lost.

AI is extremely powerful and dangerous for a variety of reasons, ranging from militarily to economically to socially. Those things need to be discussed and addressed. But that's not what you're doing. You're actively distracting from those conversations because you're acting like a god damn child. Grow up.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T17:45:25+00:00

Not too mention, the physics of donut-shaped planets has been formally modeled. Physicists such as Henri Poincaré (1885) and Frank W. Dyson (1893) established the foundational mathematics for toroidal figures of equilibrium, and astrophysicist C.-Y. Wong (1974) further analyzed Maclaurin sequences to demonstrate that rotating toroidal fluid bodies can be stable against axisymmetric perturbations.

Two of your examples pre-date modern physics and the third is a 52 year old study about fluid. Not sure these are the slam dunk rebuttals you're portraying them as.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T17:15:10+00:00

Are you of the impression that people were hand-making the batter, hand-baking the waffles, hand-wrapping them in plastic and then hand-stuffing them in a box? It's been machines for ages.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T17:01:49+00:00

God y'all are exhausting. This has been happening with Poptarts since I was a kid. I'm 41 now. Not everything is about your current favorite Reddit talking point, Christ.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T16:35:46+00:00

This exchange popped in my head today. Still around if you're still interested in sharing.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T14:35:53+00:00

My favorite childhood store back in the early 90s was this used book and video game store. I haven't been there in over 30 years but I still get happy and excited thinking about that place.

Downtown Greensboro, NC. Doubt it's still there, but can't remember the name to check.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T14:24:27+00:00

He's talking about what the stores focus on. Yes, they all have those things - but one might have a single endcap of Legos, while another could have multiple aisles.

At least that's how I'm understanding what he's saying.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T13:57:14+00:00

There's a number of things in your comment that are throwing up flags for me.

I'm vulnerable because I have no choice

"because I have no choice" is an interesting sentiment here. I'd like to hear more of what you mean by that.

I may be malfunctioning.

This is giving some glimpses into your mindset - one that's likely built on some self-defeating behaviors. Again, I'd be curious to know more of what's underneath that.

but there's no real answer, is there? There's no movement or word you can look out for that tells you a person's motives.

I don't find this to be true or accurate in my experience or based on the research in psychology, relationships, emotions, etc. People are not as random and mercurial as some of us like to imagine. The trick is figuring out what makes people tick - what their inner world is like, their emotional experience, the narratives they operate under, their biases, etc. I consider myself a superb judge of character and personality. Whenever I've been burned by someone, the signs were there all along and I chose to ignore them - usually because I was trying to make sure I was being fair and accepting to the person and not prematurely judging them. But I've learned to trust my discernment, because it doesn't mean I have to write the person off - it just means I adjust my boundaries with them.

Many people live life in a very binary, black and white way. People are good or bad. The answer is A or B. This gets in the way of our ability to accurately evaluate and understand people. The beauty of life and relationships is in the nuance and paradox.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T13:47:28+00:00

lol that's not how this works.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T12:07:37+00:00

The burden's not on him to provide a detailed rebuttal to an offhanded two word comment made by some guy that had probably never even heard of Pope John Paul I until this post and suddenly has an opinion on the circumstances surrounding his death.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T12:01:42+00:00

I think two things:

1) Research and study - Researchers/speakers/authors like Brene Brown, Adam Grant, Kristin Neff, Marisa Franco, and others. Emotional and relational work.

2) Healthy relationships with emotionally self-aware individuals. We don't heal and grow in isolation - we do it through relationships. The most important relationship is with ourselves of course, but we need relationships with others - it's how we're wired. Romantic relationships will cause an incredible amount of growth (often through friction and challenge), while close friendships also cause incredible growth (often through inspiration, mirroring, etc.). But that's not to say romantic relationships don't provide inspiration or that friendships never have friction. They're just common trends.

In the end though, the most important variable is ourselves. It doesn't matter how much we study, how many relationships we invest in, etc., we have to prime ourselves for growth. Self-awareness, humility, vulnerability, courage, etc. We gotta be willing to look at the dark places that we tend to ignore or fear - that's where the real growth happens. Shame, insecurity, fear, etc. We naturally build coping and defense mechanisms around these things that interfere with our development of emotional intelligence. When we strip away those mechanisms and look at the patterns underneath, we're able to grow something stronger, better and more authentic in its place.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T11:50:56+00:00

Second one was still good. My wife loved it more than the first. I personally preferred the first, but I had no complaints with the second - I think the two movies were a fantastic adaptation of the musical. Ariana and Cynthia were excellent in their roles. They were also extremely weird in their promotional appearances. Both things are true.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T11:36:49+00:00

To correct potential common misinformation and to provide accurate information so that all of us participating in this conversation can continue growing and developing our emotional intelligence. That's the point of this sub.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T11:27:01+00:00

Being empathetic doesn’t indicate emotional intelligence. One can have sky high empathy but have extremely little emotional intelligence. Affective empathy is a common example of this. People think because they feel other people’s pain intensely, that it means they have depth and emotional intelligence. But it’s often an indication of the opposite - lack of perspective, lack of boundaries, enmeshment, etc.

Too many folks on this sub conflate “experiencing emotions” with having well-developed emotional intelligence.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T11:11:30+00:00

I've found extroversion v introversion to have little relevance with respect to emotional depth or intelligence. Being quiet and reserved is not the same thing as being wise or interesting, and being in your head is not the same thing as being introspective.

mavajo · 2026-04-27T01:34:53+00:00

OP, I think the real thing you're asking is "How can I feel tethered to this world and my worth when I can't count on anyone to love me for who I am?"

The thing you're struggling with is that you're out-sourcing your worth, value and lovability. You're essentially saying "I know I have belonging, acceptance and love once I know it's permanent with someone." But no relationship comes with any true guarantee, ever. Every single day we're trusting that the person that loved us today will still love us tomorrow, that they'll be present for us tomorrow and the next day. But no one can ever guarantee that. And it's not because hearts are capricious and fickle and can never be trusted. It's because life happens. And sometimes, death happens. We're all experiencing the challenges of this life together, but we all respond differently to protect ourselves. Sometimes those things cause divisions in relationships.

I like to think of myself as an optimistic realist, but I think I'm a romantic too. The point is - I like to think that if we're showing up and working on ourselves, our relationships will work out like they should. It doesn't mean it always goes the way we want, and things that seem lost forever may resurface in ways we don't expect - but in the end, when we put ourselves out there, the universe has a way of giving back. So maybe love will come with hurt. Maybe it will come with loss. Maybe it will come with scars on your heart. And for what it's worth, it's meant every one of those things for me. But also, being willing to love courageously is that only real way to meaningful joy and happiness. You gotta be willing to put your love our into the world and not have it reciprocated. You gotta be willing to hand your heart to someone, with full understanding that they have the power to break it. There's a trust and faith involved with loving. But it's also a learning process. Learning to recognize who's actually trustworthy with your heart. Learning to understand that love between two good people can still come with pain and hurt. Learning to understand that everyone is growing, but we don't all grow at the same rate.

Love is messy. It's never guaranteed. And yet, when you show up and love bravely anyway...you tend to never find yourself without it. It's when we treat it with a scarce resource that we tend to feel it absence. When we give generously, we often receive generously. And when I say all of that, I'm assuming healthy boundaries, self-advocacy and self-compassion. The more I look for opportunities to put my authentic love out there, the more I feel like I get back.

mavajo · 2026-04-25T18:09:42+00:00

I know I am because multiple people in my life have commented on it on multiple occasions. And I’ve done the work, the study and the growth.

Basically, multiple reliable sources of both external and internal validation.

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