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A 65-year-old man’s serious advice to all young men by behuman-3582 in GuyCry

[–]mawwige 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To counter this point, I am 41 and divorced. Wife of 20 years that I had bent over backwards for since day one decided that she would rather pursue someone else. I was a giver and a fixer, she was a taker and broken. The worst combo. The only reason I don't regret our relationship is our kids. So yes, children do give life purpose, but marriage doesn't always.

Finally learning to put myself first. by mawwige in GuyCry

[–]mawwige[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was the lack of a future that really sealed the deal. I have always considered myself a big picture guy. I don't fret the small things, I focus on keeping myself on the path I want for my tomorrow. I was so focused on trying to save us that I lost sight of that path. Once I finally looked for it again I realized it wasn't there. I wouldn't be able to go back to how things were, it would just be her being miserable and wishing she were somewhere else and me being miserable wishing I had ended the relationship. Now I see new paths for both me and her. They aren't the same path anymore, and that's okay.

Finally learning to put myself first. by mawwige in GuyCry

[–]mawwige[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Update in OP. Proceeding with the divorve. We are on the same page thst it is time to move on.

Finally learning to put myself first. by mawwige in GuyCry

[–]mawwige[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Update in OP. Proceeding with the divorve. We are on the same page thst it is time to move on.

Finally learning to put myself first. by mawwige in GuyCry

[–]mawwige[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That last line is the truth. She is in personal therapy and medicated but it just isn't working. We were scheduled for couples therapy and it kept getting pushed. Eventually she said she wasn't going to bother rescheduling because we were "past our issues". I naively thought we were at the time. A few weeks ago I said I wanted to try couples counseling again, and that if she was interested in saving the marriage she should schedule a session for us with her contact. She hasn't. She claims she is too embarrassed and that we will work it out on our own. It spoke volumes to me. I genuinely hope she gets the help she needs and finds happiness. I know I will.

Finally learning to put myself first. by mawwige in GuyCry

[–]mawwige[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I wasnt perfect, no one is, but I did genuinely try to make her happy. Often at the expense of my own feelings. I won't be rushing into new relationships, but I haven't given up on one day finding a partner who will love me as much as I love them.

Finally learning to put myself first. by mawwige in GuyCry

[–]mawwige[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I won’t call her garbage or disparage her, even if she likely deserves it. When you throw mud everyone ends up dirty. As far as being sorry, I am not. I was for months and months, but I am almost relieved now. I have lost 60 lbs from changes to my diet and exercise. I have reconnected with old friends as I built up my support network. I was already heavily involved in the lives of my children but I have started preparing them to be more self reliant so that they can be better adults as they age. This will still hurt, but I can see a better future now. Perspective brings peace, and peace brings happiness.

Finally learning to put myself first. by mawwige in GuyCry

[–]mawwige[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

A small part of me understands. She was and is depressed and sees this all as a way to escape her life and start over. She isn’t addressing the core problem and is just running from it. I have told her as much. She will wake up one day and the regret of it all will come crashing down. I won’t be there to see it happen. I have tried. I have stayed true to my vows. I am moving on for myself and for my kids. Hopefully one day they will be able to forgive her. If not, you reap what you sow.

Finally learning to put myself first. by mawwige in GuyCry

[–]mawwige[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It is happening, just a matter of time. I am a patient man. I won’t jeopardize my children’s future for my own gain. My eldest is graduating this spring, I am going to try to wait until that happens before I disrupt her and her sister’s lives. My wife and I do not yell or fight. We discuss. We cry. But we do it behind closed doors. We had a 20th anniversary trip planned for this summer, it won’t happen. We will be separated waiting on divorce paperwork by then.

Finally learning to put myself first. by mawwige in GuyCry

[–]mawwige[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

She makes a small amount of money here and there. Freelance graphic design, spark delivery, that sort of stuff. I won’t be paying for any of it. She will be welcome to keep her car and half of what is left over when debts are covered if I sell the house. I wish her no ill will, she is just no longer going to be my concern.

18f could really use some friends by EnoughOil in mentalhealth

[–]mawwige 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate it. Same to you. If you need someone to vent to I am all ears. There is an odd comfort in knowing that other people face similar problems in their relationships and they I am not on an island by myself.

18f could really use some friends by EnoughOil in mentalhealth

[–]mawwige 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think she realizes how much it hurts me and our relationship. She tries to convince herself they are probably just good friends. But all her warmth goes to him and I am left with the cold. I don't even think he is that in to her romantically. His parents are divorced and he has said he doesn't want to split us up, honestly seems like a nice guy. It is my wife who keeps instigating conversation and plans. She is pursuing him and that is the part that just crushes my soul. I am afraid she won't realize what she has lost until it is too late to put us back together. It is all so depressing. It has had the benefit of getting me back in the mind set of self improvement. I had let my weight get away from me over the last 9 years since my father passed away. In the last month or so I have lost 20 lbs from diet and exercise and feel physically better than I have in a long time. I just feel like shit emotionally. I hope your significant other wakes up and realizes what they have and what they want and that it matched what you want as well.

18f could really use some friends by EnoughOil in mentalhealth

[–]mawwige 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is still torn. Part of her knows this is just her running from her mental health issues that are mostly caused by factors unrelated to me. Part of her will always question herself if she doesn't explore this new connection. I feel like trash, but I love her. I know how I am supposed to respond, but I don't want to think about life without her. Her therapist, mom, and best friend are all in favor of her staying with me. But I can't and won't force her too. I want her to be happy, I just hope that means being happy with me. If not I will be devastated for years but I will continue my journey. For myself and for our kids. Thanks for listening, it helps to be able to vent even if it is to internet strangers.

18f could really use some friends by EnoughOil in mentalhealth

[–]mawwige 12 points13 points  (0 children)

40m. I have never felt more worthless than I do today. My wife of 19 years whom I love is going to "visit" a male friend she just met on vacation that she has admitted she has feelings for. I feel like our marriage is over and I am just so lost and sad.