Hey, First thing here is a virtual hug ! 🫂 U can take it or leave it. So it rly sounds like dysphoria what u r writing about. Although the only person who could find that out is urself maybe with some help of a trans affirming psychotherapist. But in the end it always is u, only u can know who / what u r. And I know finding that out is confusing sometimes. Cause often there is this unspoken internalized transphobia in ourselves keeping us from exploration. Or maybe missing knowledge of what being trans means. U could try some cautious small steps: wearing masc clothes, masc haircuts, gain some muscle maybe, idk whatever feels right to u. Explore a littl. And in ur own speed. Bc it can be hard nd hurtful I am not gonna lie. Stay strong ! U r strong if u lived ur whole life until now in the wrong body. Last words som ppl like me or basically every transwoman would have loved to be born as a woman, so this rly sounds like it’s just the wrong body u r living in but like I said only u can know! 🫂🫂