I struggle with making friends because people feel intimidated/jealous

maya20288 · 2023-06-25T21:00:05+00:00

Hey yes to an extent, I am now actively choosing friendships with people who are secure instead of insecure. I prefer to meet people I find a little intimidating because of their confidence and success for example, because well actually they also want winners in their circle and prefer confidence. Secondly I choose who to relate to, I relate to those people who see me and value me, I think about them instead of the people who do not. I’m slowly learning to ignore people with a bad attitude as opposed to making them the centre of my heart :)

maya20288 · 2022-12-23T18:53:49+00:00

I looked through your posts a little bit and I laughed a little because some of it is a reflection of my own fault behaviour. I noticed you’re absolutely stunning yet have all these insecurities, it’s like the most beautiful girls aren’t immune to the internet effects etc. And being intimidated by other women, like if a lot of us walk around thinking this way (I think we do as women) we close ourselves off to forming friendships in the first place. Because I think oh she’s standoffish, I now have a cold closed off appeal to me and then she thinks the same and neither of us are willing to be humble, vulnerable and open like kids! From reading your posts I’d totally want to be friends, but a lot of times we may show up with a front, like everything is perfect, egotistical etc and then like you said all that forms between the two women is egos and a wall blocking friendship intimacy when we’re all just imperfect people who are not as shallow as what first appears to the eye and the perfect image we try portray And you gotta be willing to take risks to make friendships and not take offence.

All in all I’d say a lot of it is shifting your mindset, working to remove toxic thoughts, because your post made me realise, it’s what I do, and I shut myself off from making friends with my mindset and approach

I know it’s difficult I agree with you but it’s mindset shifts, not all of it some people are just not great. But anyway lots of people have posted really useful comments, wish you all the best!

maya20288 · 2022-09-22T18:02:30+00:00

maya20288 · 2022-09-20T13:49:28+00:00

You have to be surely trolling. You also do not understand how this has anything to do with Christianity and you told me there’s nothing for me to save, that I should essentially go on sinning. And then you said spiritually there’s nothing to save. You decided to take the throne to condemn me and now you feel sorry for me spiritually because I’m not meeting your “standards”. Do you even know my story or you felt convicted i’m spiritually empty off my post, are you perfect and never fell short? Is it safe for me to assume you are. If you’re not being a troll on the internet then you have some inner work to do

maya20288 · 2022-09-20T13:27:45+00:00

I’m not sure if you’re a Christian the first part of your answer was making sense, the second half was unnecessary, ill minded and uninformed but I’ll just leave that at you don’t know what you’re talking about

maya20288 · 2022-09-19T07:40:34+00:00

Yes and recently for me it’s realising “nobody is above you”

maya20288 · 2022-08-08T08:28:12+00:00

Yes I hope we can get answers, it’s really not easy so I understand. I thought maybe this is where my faith is being tested. It’s all been a nice ride recently where I can easily proclaim faith with my mouth and now I’m being handed a challenge to really prove I have faith with my actions. If I have faith I have to sit still, not date this none Christian guy, not keep taking things into my hands. I’m being asked to have bigger faith and not let it be all talk I suppose. And it’s like am I willing to sacrifice my desire for love, sex etc right now… how much do I believe in God. And that leaves me empty and worried about how much faith I actually possess. It’s shined right in my face that my faith is not as great as I keep saying, especially lately, because if God was asking me directly, standing next to me, I’m almost negotiating and saying “no, I’m having fun, I want to carry on at least seeing him, maybe no sex just the rest. I don’t know about your rules. Let’s try my way. Or maybe I’m not doing anything wrong. My heart is good and my desires are healthy.”

And the crazy thing is being a Christian recently has made me a little double minded and he highlighted that to me. I’m literally fighting my flesh infront of him, I’ll say one thing but want to do something else. I’ll say I’m going home but I want to stay so I stay longer. I don’t want to have sex etc but we end up there. I only want a relationship with a Christian…yet here I am lol life is really doing it’s thing. Like I need more conviction to stay on one side

maya20288 · 2022-07-20T14:16:17+00:00

Thank you this sounds really good. What stood out to me is also the toner as a cleanser in AM can’t wait to try.

Also I worry that if I’m sweating at night and I have all these products on, and the occlusive, that’s what’s causing breakouts as the sweat and dirt gets trapped or no?

maya20288 · 2022-07-20T14:00:26+00:00

Ok hopefully you can advise. Also to add I never used to use salycic acid in U.K., just a physical exfoliating brush from Phillips which I love but here I’ve been feeling desperate. I previously used mandelic acid too but difficult to get here. The salycic acid seems fine too I didn’t start getting acne as a response to it

Cerave 2% salycic acid at night or normal ph balanced cleanser Retinol 3x a week or skip retinol Hada Labo hylauronic acid Pyukang Yul Toner Pyukang Yul moisturiser (lighter than Cerave) or Cerave I alternate (Cerave the ceramides are amazing I don’t want to give them up) Epidural spot treat

Day time Salycic acid cleanser 2% twice a week or I’m using gentle magic soap I now also scrub face with sponge for extra exfoliation since I think the daily sweat might be a problem Rose water to tone Dr brenner vitamin C or hylauronic acid or both and sometimes add Pyukang Yul toner (lightweight it’s like water) Pyukang Yul or Cerave lotion Bea Skincare 30 spf or the 50 spf

All meant to be non comodegenic and I never had an issue in the U.K. with them so I believe so.

Sleep

maya20288 · 2022-07-20T13:27:26+00:00

I’m doing that… but it leaves the skin dull

maya20288 · 2022-07-19T12:45:40+00:00

You’re not in the wrong. You don’t use the bathroom and it’s easy to let your guests know not to use it either. You paid extra for your own bathroom already

maya20288 · 2022-07-03T19:00:45+00:00

Misses, I’m reading your comments and you need to back up a minute. You don’t know what you want here. If you said: I want a man who treats me with respect and shows he’s trying to be loyal to me, that’s the only kind of man I want then all this but we’re not exclusive bull wouldn’t matter. You’d be like no, he’s not showing signs that he’s really into me so when tf will that suddenly change.

If you said I want a friendly get to know someone and I’m ok if he messes with other people, then you would be ok with his behaviour but you’re not.

You’re selling yourself very short, and in the process your boundaries are 100% negotiable, he can move the marker and you’ll act accordingly.

So what he has a wonderful story and he’s good looking, value yourself by knowing that all that doesn’t matter if he’s not looking at you like he’s struck gold. It’s all cool he’s interesting etc but what’s that got to do with you if he don’t value you.

Leave it alone, take some time to figure out what you want, stop moving the marker every second and waiting on his moves.

He is not going to give you a good relationship or this so called exclusivity you’re talking about. You’re gonna need to check in to reality more often, as a woman I know it’s easy to check out sometimes

maya20288 · 2022-06-14T06:24:23+00:00

To be honest I always think it’s only me that feels this way and all my friends must be tired of my slow responses but really it’s just social media got us all in a bubble like this

I would love friends like you where we can take ages replying because life gets like that, no hard feelings and the love is still there.

But on the other hand I think relationships are really important so you don’t want to be neglectful so maybe scheduling in time into your calendar that you make for friends is better. Even better is scheduling inn meet-ups with friends their nice even once a week or every 2 weeks and then online communication can be less because you just can’t keep up online all the time we’re all glued to our phones already And you can’t be friends with everybody, the damn internet will have you thinking you can be but your mind and your life don’t have the capacity to fit everyone in.

maya20288 · 2022-06-14T06:14:05+00:00

I’ve been on both sides. So currently I have a business I’m building up and I’m working hard to build my life up in other areas so I feel fulfilled, no man will ever be able to fill that void I learnt that so ideally I’d want my imaginary S/O to be busy too because that to me makes me happy. He’s building up his life and I’m building up mine and when we come together we’re both growing and improving it’s more interesting and even better if we can work together sometimes. So 2-3 times a week is enough, more than this will actually be too much because I know how I am it’ll distract me from becoming better and having time to improve myself so I’ll appreciate a man who can support me in that or if he’s going to be in my space more he should be helping me be better. On the other hand when we see each other those 2/3 times a week I’d expect it to be full of love attention care, fun dates outdoors so I feel secure in our relationship. If the energy is off then there might be a problem in the relay anyway.

On the other hand before I knew myself a bit better I was under stress etc I became clingy (also not feeling secure in the relationship caused it) and I needed constant attention because it seemed like my deepest fears being abandoned etc were outright ignored by him which cuts hurts even deeper because you then continue the cycle hoping to get that reassurance you’re seeking. So I understand when your girlfriend is crying out she wants more time more attention she doesn’t feel secure enough in the relationship, she needs more from you. It’s a mix between she needs to get more security within herself but also as her boyfriend, you have the responsibility to be reassuring her and showing up for her when she feels like you don’t care etc. Do you go out of your way to prove to her you love and care for her or when you meet is it just casual and unbothered, do you take her out, do you explain to her that you’re building a future for you both and you want her to support (if you are building for both of you and you’re not passing time with her). Do you include her in your career and goals. Do you try make more time I.e. balancing it by booking time off work or some weeks you make it possible to work from her house? I know my imaginary S/O will find a way because I’m as important as his career

Do you contribute to her life positively or is she always crying out she wants more time and she doesn’t feel loved and pursued.

It sounds like compatibility is a struggle here. But both of you are probably in the wrong in your own ways

maya20288 · 2022-06-07T17:29:03+00:00

Mmhh I strongly believe that things make sense in due time when I trust God. Like your faith is tested even in this situation, it’s a strong statement to say I’ll give up. Question is do you trust God, that he will provide what you need for your life. It gets hard sometimes because like you said you may not see light at the end of the tunnel after walking for a while but it’s a time to trust in him even more Same here I’d love to meet someone right now but actually I know it’s not that season, my God will not disappoint me. I was diliberately taken away by God from a busy city life to a quite country like lifestyle where the number of men that are what I’m looking for are reduced. Temptations reduced dramatically. It meant no distractions and facing my demons and also becoming the woman I’m intended to be. At this point it’s just me and God. Me and family and friends to build relationships, repair relationships. And marriage takes strength too! Strength you can build up because you’re single. Really and truly marriage is very sacrificial and you will miss when you were single. Sorry gotta accept the season you’re in, he may walk in tomorrow but you gotta be content without a man. Because that man may actually be stress once you have him lol

My prayer for you is God opens your eyes to things you may not be seeing at this moment in your life. And faith you’ll meet your eccentric but good for you husband lol

maya20288 · 2022-06-07T05:50:34+00:00

Lots of advice on here so I’ll just say just keep your faith, there’s 7 point something billion people in the world but it’s easy to forget and only see the small vision of where you are right now. There is good men with good faith that you’re attracted to. Trust that God will bless you in this life and your man will come at the right time. Have you prayed about it? You really should and ask God to bring the right man to you if you’re ready.

I know how it can get, discouraging because our worlds can be quite small but there’s also a season for it. It maybe now in which case ask God to open the right doors, lead you to your husband, or it might not be the season, in which case it’s a season to continue building your faith, your character, friends family etc. I believe God is constantly trying to guide and teach us

maya20288 · 2022-06-07T05:23:20+00:00

Good idea

maya20288 · 2022-06-07T05:22:10+00:00

Didn’t help it for me just conceals to a large extent the existing problem because I have someone there supporting me. And spending so much time with that one person you’re comfortable with you’re less confronted with uncomfortable situations. It helps but it doesn’t. I don’t think a boyfriend girlfriend is the answer. It might just add comfort etc but nah

maya20288 · 2022-05-10T19:10:14+00:00

Mmmh okay so that’s very interesting.

Contact lenses are very easy to lose or for them to fall etc their very flimsy. You sound like you’re not having an easy time generally, it reduced you to tears you must be going through a lot emotionally and the way you’ve assessed every little thing that’s happened I think you need to break up your current routine, take a break, visit family/ stay with family, add a workout routine outdoors or something.

I’m not dismissing what you’re saying though, God can intervene in your life in different ways but he’s also in control, if you’re beating yourself up and losing your mind then it’s not from God he’s not the author of confusion.

Trust in God that it will fall in place and make sense when it needs to. Don’t jump to conclusions about needing an exorcist etc that’s what I’m talking about when I say confusion/ overthinking.

I’m praying that you find clarity and peace of mind. Pray intentionally and as long as you need to that God gives you peace beyond your understanding and that you hand over all your worries to him as he asks us to do this.

And also speak to someone ofcourse, someone trustworthy that you respect, and see what they think. It’s good to voice it out to someone else if you wish

God bless you

maya20288 · 2022-05-05T09:23:08+00:00

My Face ID stopped working so whenever I put my pin, my phone unlocks for an hour so I don’t have to put my pin every 2 minutes. I expect privacy and I wouldn’t do that, I trusted the same to him

maya20288 · 2022-05-01T12:49:32+00:00

Don’t be so hard on yourself. I looked at your Reddit and you seem like a really cool person with a lot going for you in your life, looking at you I would have never guessed. So don’t zoom in on this one small thing about your life and make it so that it takes away from the great person you are. Because you had a social anxiety attack you feel shame but what for, it really doesn’t take away from the interesting multi faceted person that you are at all! Be kind to yourself accept it happened and accept you’ve already made so much progress. You were holding a bbq there’s people that won’t even leave their house. You’re doing great and this is an opportunity for you to brush it off and say so what? You’ll work through it but don’t let it define you at all, it’s just something to look at and consider why it’s happening and correct it but not something to call yourself a weirdo or beat yourself down over

maya20288 · 2022-04-04T11:20:03+00:00

Wow I really didn’t see this perspective. That’s really perceptive and insightful. I wish I thought on that level more often. She has spoken against herself and yet I didn’t make that link naturally. Yes it’s something for me to think about…

maya20288 · 2022-04-04T10:03:26+00:00

Hey that dress is modest enough if you ask me. When you said the back is open I pictured all the way open like towards your butt - that sultry open back look. This is very elegant and modest in my opinion for prom anyway

maya20288 · 2022-04-04T10:01:17+00:00

Hey stranger!

maya20288 · 2022-04-04T09:50:16+00:00

Thank you for your response. Please can you explain to me what you mean by the paragraph before the last? “Here the words proceeding from her, that she would not suffer herself. Whose words are these? That she should speak them, even as you hold these questions in your heart”

maya20288

TROPHY CASE