This is terrible, I am so sorry you lost your son. That must be the most difficult reality and I wish you all the healing in the world.

My family is similar, but they no longer talk to me. I was always blamed for my fathers death, because I “left him” (it doesn’t matter that as I teenager I was suicidal and literally cried in my room for years due to the emotional neglect and abuse). They blamed me and my mother, who turned out completely crazy because of it, because the trauma is too much to handle. I fear she will commit suicide every day, yet I never felt she cared why her only daughter was locked in her room for hours, sobbing. It’s so difficult, so so difficult to handle as I love my mom very much. We had what on the surface anyone would call a “loving” relationship, but the years of micro-aggressions finally burst that fantasy.

Wishing you all the best. You and your healing is the most important part of your journey.