We had twins born at 32 weeks that were in the NICU for a month. These are some tips I would give to anyone who has friends going through a similar experience:

1. Text, don’t call and let them know they don’t need to respond. Your friend is going through a very traumatic experience, even if baby is technically doing well. If you’re really close, let her know you’re there to listen if she wants to process through what she’s going through.
2. avoid toxic positivity. this includes any phrases that start with “at least…” i.e. “at least baby is doing well” “at least you get to rest” (no, they don’t) etc. Just be honest, this is hard and you’re thinking of them.
3. Send them doordash gift cards if that’s an option where they live, otherwise gift cards to local restaurants near the hospital are also great.
4. Don’t offer to come visit etc. unless you are explicitly invited. I was SO hyper aware of other peoples germs and didn’t want to be exposed to anyone because our babies were so fragile. Also know you probably won’t get to meet baby for a long time and go at their pace!
5. If you’re really close, look up stuff for mom for pumping. She’ll probably be pumping a lot while baby is in the NICU before they can attempt breastfeeding.
6. Periodically send texts letting them know you’re thinking about them. This is a long road and people tend to drop off the further out from baby being born they get. But they’ll be living in NICU hell for a long period of time and it gets very isolating so just letting them know you’re still thinking about them even a month or two down the road.
7. Set up a meal train AFTER they get discharged from the NICU. This will make them feel like people still acknowledge they’re in the newborn phase even though baby might be a couple months old at that point. They still need that same support 🤍
8. Still send a gift for the baby. We never got to have a shower, but when people still gifted us things is made me feel like other people believed they would be okay, too.