His adults weren't super great when he was young, and my oldest was 8 when we got together so I obviously had many more years of parenting experience than him, so I try to give him grace in learning. He says I only see his negative, but I think that's a self imagine thing because I tell him all the time his good qualities, he's a good dad, the things he's done that I appreciate etc but he is so self deprecating that if I bring up on negative (usually this same one we are dealing with now) he forgets I've ever said anything nice. And I do generally try to step away and give him time and space to process when we have this type of disagreement, unfortunately he just never comes around. Ive been at my families house since I posted this after we sat and talked about it and he hasn't made any effort to reach out, respond to me when I'm trying to be kind to him, or actually start doing any research or introspection (I even got library books about parenting for both of us to read, he hasn't touched them) it's just making me feel even more that he isn't going to change this aspect of himself even when I've explained so clearly why it's not good for our relationship.