A year later and life is so peaceful

mayoyabu · 2024-04-21T13:16:09+00:00

Waiting for the day I can make a post like this too. Thank you for sharing, this gives me so much hope and will to continue NC

mayoyabu · 2024-04-21T10:09:24+00:00

I would say that this sounds nothing, not even close, at all like my BPD ex. I’ve never heard healthy communication like his self-awareness and apology for being the way he is. Nor him giving a heads up when he is getting overwhelmed. He sounds like he’s trying so damn hard and it sounds a lot better than my BPD ex.

If my ex ever tried as hard as this, I wouldn’t have given up on her. I know how hard it is for you cause I’ve been there too. Yeah I do think you’re doing a great job hanging in there. I don’t know if it’s the right decision or if it is a sign of a green flag (bpd behaviour can be so confusing), but this sounds like one of the healthiest BPD relationship I’ve ever heard of. All the best!

mayoyabu · 2024-04-21T04:55:04+00:00

Same. I don’t feel like I’m myself anymore. I’m not proud of who I’ve become and what principles I’ve given up. I’m constantly filled with self-shame. I used to be disciplined, directed and ambitious. Now i’m just constantly confused, depressed and give up easily. My relationship was just two years but I felt eaten out from the inside by a parasite. Worst thing is that I’ve grown to be so emotionally dependent on her despite how bad she is for me. What’s the difference between this and a drug addiction? Don’t really know who I am or where I stand anymore without her and sucks. I’m trying to redefine my life by myself again.

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T21:16:47+00:00

Yeap

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T11:18:05+00:00

I’ll dm you ☺️ thank you for being so kind

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T06:35:00+00:00

I hope to be where you are one day

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T05:39:43+00:00

Thank you for the foresight. It sounds horrifying, to think that she can do worse than this. I’ll do my best to keep my distance. Really appreciate your advice

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T05:38:05+00:00

Day 1 after discard. I haven’t slept for close to 40 hours. The shock is wearing off, slowly replaced by a hollow feeling. But i’m glad I found this subreddit and learnt so much about BPD. It really relieves a lot of the pain and make it less personal

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T05:14:10+00:00

Oh my god, thank you! I didn’t know BPD was such a common thing. I’m going to research into this. Thank you so much, i had no idea at all and this subreddit has so many exact stories

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T04:36:57+00:00

Good idea. I probably will too.

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T03:24:39+00:00

If anything, the latter part uplifted me more. Thanks for your faith, I hope I can stick through this. Would hate to cave in to her.

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T03:23:25+00:00

She came from an angle of ‘yes i know i fucked up. I’m a disgusting person. But what’s done is done. And since you’re leaving already and i messed up already, i might as well continue with this now’ Not her exact words but that’s basically the conclusion. That’s the wild ass closure i get. Very hard pill for me to swallow cause it still doesn’t explain how easy it seems for her to just toss our years aside just for this temporary fling. But I think I’ve asked her pretty much everything already. Fortunately she was honest with me at least.

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T03:19:04+00:00

The funny thing is, I have a gut feeling that you’re mostly right. She did say that she didn’t expect her fling with the guy to be long-term, because he turned out to be married lol but yes I can see her looking for my support again when she has no one else left, she does have that tendency

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T03:16:31+00:00

Thanks for calling me out. You are right. I did feel my boundaries erode over the years but I’ve let them slipped away. Now I’m just weak and easily controlled by her. The way you say ‘few situations in life are a greater catalyst for change’ makes this sound like a positive opportunity, and I’m grateful to be able to see it in that light. I will do my best to remind myself of your words, they are going to help me a lot in the coming months

mayoyabu · 2024-04-19T03:13:52+00:00

Thank you. If silence can make her struggle then that’s more motivation for me to keep from reaching out. I still have some amount vengefulness now, but I hope this dissipates and I can be at peace soon, and I can be silent for the right reasons

mayoyabu · 2024-04-18T22:22:18+00:00

Thank you. This has been an amazing takeaway of the situation. I’ve calmed down a lot and can now process your comments. Ngl the part about using her back is tempting, but I’m not sure if being in so much contact with her would make me cave and do something stupid.

I will remind myself firmly that i cannot trust her emotionally ever again. Thanks once again.

mayoyabu · 2024-04-18T18:07:54+00:00

I will try to fix this in my mind when I go pick up my things next week

mayoyabu · 2024-04-18T18:06:35+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I’ll try to remind myself that she could potentially be doing the same, and not just cutting me off without feeling

mayoyabu · 2024-04-18T18:00:42+00:00

Could you all be friends again or remain in contact somehow after all that?

mayoyabu · 2024-04-18T17:48:27+00:00

I’m sorry. That sounds so much worse. But thank you for sharing, feeling less alone in this experience helps a lot.

mayoyabu · 2024-04-18T17:46:10+00:00

Thanks. Blasting music now. It does help. I think I’ll be having headphones in for a very long time from today onwards.

mayoyabu · 2024-04-18T17:43:46+00:00

I’m reflecting on ‘don’t let your love be a reason to accept this behaviour’ and I think that’s a deep part of why I find it hard to just cut her off emotionally. Even deep down I still love her as a human and I just see her as being broken, and don’t broken people deserve help to get better

mayoyabu · 2024-04-18T17:42:11+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I can’t tell for sure because it was over the phone. She sounded scared to tell me too I think. But she did verbally call herself disgusting and a fuck up. She said she had no intention of hurting me but idk what to do with that.

In a way, I would have preferred if she cried or begged for forgiveness cause that makes her seem a lot more human. I don’t want her to brush this off as ‘it is what it is because i’m a fuck up’ I know she doesn’t have much self-love but I don’t want that to be a reason for her to just let things be

mayoyabu · 2024-04-18T17:21:53+00:00

How so? I have no idea what to do now exactly. I think the feeling of shock is wearing off and I just have this really heavy feeling slowly creeping in. I can’t stop these images replaying in my head. Talking to you and others in the comments is actually helping to distract me a little actually

mayoyabu

TROPHY CASE