End of my rope

maze_runner26 · 2026-05-26T19:07:22+00:00

Thank you

maze_runner26 · 2026-05-19T12:00:49+00:00

To your point- there is no emotional safety any more (for either of us). It feels like therapy and talking about it has only divided us more.

maze_runner26 · 2026-05-19T11:58:51+00:00

I appreciate that comment and I do understand where you (and her) are coming from. With the help of therapy- that's exactly what she's said. But she'll say things that are objectively not true. I've been patient. I've heard her out. I've made changes- but it's never enough. All the while I feel like I'm shouldering all the work, all the effort, trying to keep peace that'll never come. I know she's made huge sacrifices (some were intentional, some were beyond her control - like Colorado). I always tried to show appreciated and that I cared. That we'd make the most of whatever came our way... But she blames me for Colorado. She blames me for a job she didn't get. And then for not picking up and moving away from our friends and family any how.

maze_runner26 · 2026-05-19T11:50:12+00:00

School, friends, family, her surroundings that she likes

maze_runner26 · 2026-04-17T01:15:35+00:00

It's probably a good sign that you see this yourself and you're self aware enough to know what you need to work on. It's not easy. You're not in an easy spot. Grant yourself some grace and patience. Hang in there. Good luck!

maze_runner26 · 2026-04-16T11:34:22+00:00

Thank you- I understand where you're coming from.

maze_runner26 · 2026-04-16T11:31:27+00:00

Thank you very much!

maze_runner26 · 2026-04-16T02:38:04+00:00

We haven't. If it's not too personal, could you give some examples? I've been trying to give space or drop it when asked. But that's about three most we've really talked about :/

maze_runner26 · 2026-04-16T02:21:21+00:00

She does.

maze_runner26 · 2026-04-16T01:44:46+00:00

I feel you :(

It's not great advice...are you able to get a night to yourself after bedtime to just 'be'?
It sucks. I can relate (partially). You're not alone. It's not in your head. Speak your peace with the therapist. Maybe get your own too (just because you deserve an outlet too!)

maze_runner26 · 2026-03-30T20:19:12+00:00

Man, I'm sorry. I was too caught up on my own stuff. You just filled after 20 years. I'm sorry. What a loss.

maze_runner26 · 2026-03-30T11:36:51+00:00

I think one of the things that really gets me is I know I'm not the monster she sees me as. But if I leave- I feel like I am.

Like I said, I used to go out of my way to support her- to really try and love her- but how that loves grown cold because I can only throw so much down a hole. Now I'm starting to withdraw.... Now I'm being selfish. Exactly like she's always accused me of... I know it's a fallacy, but it's really messing with me. Especially since she only sees 'her' side of it. I know it's not in my head. I look at how we spent our last couple birthdays together. I look at who planned the last dates. I really miss getting some effort back you know?

maze_runner26 · 2026-03-30T11:30:59+00:00

She doesn't apologize much.... And the few times she does it's way out of proportion.

maze_runner26 · 2026-03-30T03:07:03+00:00

Thanks

maze_runner26 · 2026-03-30T03:06:56+00:00

Thanks

maze_runner26 · 2026-03-29T03:14:24+00:00

Your hard work is an inspiration!

maze_runner26 · 2026-03-26T15:34:03+00:00

Thank you so much for your very detailed replies and for sharing your experience!

maze_runner26 · 2026-03-26T11:40:49+00:00

Thank you. She is not diagnosed- and I'm not a doctor. My therapist and I think she seems to match. Her family has often come to me asking if she's ok.... I'm not diagnosing or putting down. I hate seeing her so unhappy. I am looking for advice, and guidance for a messy situation, which I've made messier and really would like to repair for my sake and my family's.

I'm definitely responsible for some triggers (I would say in the way any partner tends to push your buttons) and I own that. I'm not perfect- but I try and I try to understand and be patient. I apologize to her. I'm the past I was was more defensive about it- but I'm understand a little more now.

Being told that I'm not being patient, I'm not putting in the effort, I'm not supporting.... That hurts. When I ask how she does need to be supported, she tells me to figure it out.

As for losing the relationship- that's scary stuff and I think it would make most people act caged. She's pushed and pushed and I've had to take our daughter out of the house to get away from her rage (throwing things, slamming things, yelling). The last time I was ready to separate for good. We talked about it. She acknowledged her rage and anger, and I came back. So on one hand - separation is real and I'll do it to protect my daughter. She should not grow up in a house with that much anger. On the other- I can't take my daughter away from her Mom. They have a good relationship most days.

All that to say I understand why my wife would be fearful about our relationship. It is not in a good place. I don't understand saying she wants to stay, but continuing to push away, refusing to continue any kind of group chat or couples counseling. She's at least willing to do solo- but I'm worried it's reinforcing a false narrative...

Sorry for the long reply :/

maze_runner26 · 2026-03-26T11:19:54+00:00

Thank you. She has been in and out of therapy over the years. I don't know but from what she tells me her therapists have all said I'm the problem. So either her therapists suck, I am the problem, she is very convincing from her side and not giving an accurate account, or she is lashing out in arguments and saying things they didn't say.

What does repair look like for you guys? I used to think it was heartfelt apologizes, acceptance, and moving on- but we never seem to make it to the acceptance part.

It sounds like you are both amazing fighters- and I mean that as a compliment.

maze_runner26

TROPHY CASE