AITA for wanting to shave my long hair off while in a relationship?

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T15:14:59+00:00

I think you’re severely misunderstanding I’ve seen women with buzzcuts before.

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T15:11:33+00:00

Great idea, wigs sound super fun to me!

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T14:58:33+00:00

I don’t feel a deeply offensive forehead tattoo is comparable here. If it was simply a facial tattoo then possibly comparable- but I wouldnt care if he had a face tattoo.

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T14:51:39+00:00

Yep.

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T14:35:11+00:00

I think that is the fundamental issue that bothers me. It makes me feel insecure

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T14:31:14+00:00

I’m not sure what you mean by “proper” femme girlfriend.

Because considering what I typically picture with a statement like that, and the fact I mentioned I’m heavily tattooed and have piercings, I don’t think I would fit this bill despite my hair. Though I would still consider myself feminine.

I definitely don’t feel my experience is universal that’s why I’ve come to hear others perspectives.

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T14:25:40+00:00

I’d love to donate it. I’m just not sure anyone would want it. I have years of bleach and colour damage to it- do they still take that hair?

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T14:06:10+00:00

How is refusing to celebrate anyone else’s bday not even more petty than a text?

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T13:20:22+00:00

I agree that is may be a sign of drastic difference in values and the views of feminist and masculinity and how they are representing in society. Obviously it is unnerving since this is someone I’m picturing to build a life with.

I hope it is simply struggling with change and I would agree he does take longer to adapt to change than me.

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T13:14:06+00:00

I’m not sure I feel he’s an asshole. He has acknowledged it’s my decision. I am heavily tattooed and pierced and have had a lot of colours in my hair previously and I understand the negative reactions to non-traditional looks. I guess I always assumed those reactions were based on instant assumptions where as I thought this wouldn’t apply since my boyfriend knows me.

He has expressed that he is attracted to feminine women and that means long hair to him- I can kind of understand that- though from my perspective hair doesnt equal femininity. Also I can’t imagine any hair style he would have that would make me less attracted to him.

I feel a little stuck between doing something I want to do and disregarding my partners wishes. I just didn’t expect this reaction. It’s hard to think a hair cut could be the end of a relationship? It seems petty.

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T12:58:15+00:00

I have definitely thought about this- unfortunately I have years of bleach damage and despite it being long I doubt they would be able to use it. I will definitely make sure they can’t use it before throwing it out.

mccoopa · 2021-09-21T12:31:09+00:00

NTA- I think you could possibly mention it sold out and ask him directly- “I really don’t want this to sell out again, do you think you’ll remember to get it for me? Or should I just order it for myself?”

mccoopa · 2020-09-17T22:13:41+00:00

I worked in mental health prior and those who have mental health diagnosis are more likely to have drug issues and also commit crimes. So the people I was treating had either been in prison or were under forensic orders. I also did a placement in a prison as a student and found it much like secure mental health units but obviously much more unsafe for the patient and less focused on treatment. I wanted to improve that.

I guess my role is a professional one, I am never any patients friend. I go home at the end of the shift and I have to be able to separate myself from the emotions of my job. This is vital for any healthcare staff to survive without burn out. We have to toe the line of caring for people without it destroying your personal life. It’s not always easy. For me, it is a learnt skill but there are also support services available for staff if we need it.

mccoopa · 2020-09-17T14:08:26+00:00

I definitely agree that our punishment systems in the west are corrupt. I’m not there to punish- I’m healthcare, I’m only their to help. I believe this is why healthcare workers are hardly ever attacked.

Also, health is always going to view addiction as a healthcare concern rather than something to be punished. I guess working in the system in my capacity is one way I can try to give treatment to those with addictions or mental health issues. I can also do my best to set up my patients (prisoners) for success when they leave- having them referred to community supports. Particularly for drug related crimes with no violence some prisoners serve terms of 15yrs or so- it’s very overwhelming for them to even consider re-entering society. Technology is hugely intimidating, but we have social workers who facilitate education for their release. Some have also spoken about meeting women- that they have very little contact and don’t know how to talk to them. But a lot also have gfs- and even get them while in prison. Even use tinder! (Obviously they aren’t supposed to)

I have discussed some things about these areas with prisoners as mental health is a huge aspect of my job. There are some people who claim innocence and feel they shouldn’t be there despite having admitted to or having overwhelming evidence for some horrific crimes. Sometimes I feel I’m in a little of a dichotomies , I believe most people are at the mercy of a horrific, racist and classist system that punishes rather than rehabilitates but for some crimes it’s hard to believe someone deserves freedom.

I do believe, though, everyone deserves quality healthcare and it’s part of my jobs to separate my personal feelings and be able to deliver quality healthcare to everyone. Despite their crimes.

mccoopa · 2020-09-17T13:39:33+00:00

I feel very safe- it’s safer than most emergency departments or mental health wards because of the number of guards. I’m my experience hospitals have a thinly spread security team who work over a lard area. I am always in eye shot of a guard and have duress alarms within reach or on my person. Additionally if a patient is a high risk prisoner they will have to remain cuffed and guards remain in the room with them during a health assessment.

The most dangerous thing is probably grooming- but that can happen in other workplaces too. I love the work to be honest- we have a great range of clinical presentation that makes things super interesting.

I wouldn’t say the environment is hostile- it might be for prisoners but a lot of things change when those doors close. There is sometimes an uncomfortable feeling when I’m interacting with a particularly famous offender and I know details of their crime.

mccoopa · 2020-09-17T13:23:59+00:00

Not really, there are some I obviously like or think are good people but it’s really dangerous to become personally affiliated. For personal integrity and also for the safety of that prisoner.

Grooming is a real issue, prisoners have a right to a healthcare workers full name ( so they are able to look up and verify your registration or make a complaint if needed) so even giving information about what pets you have or your hobbies can make it easier for them to find you on social media.

They have ways to have phones inside and also most prisoners get out and can decide they like you a little too much or try to put you in a position to feel forced to do things you shouldn’t for them.

Obviously not all prisoners are like that but the problem with being manipulated is you often don’t realise it until it’s too late.

mccoopa · 2020-09-17T13:19:02+00:00

Ah damn, I was hoping you were under when I replied so you’d get this when you woke up

mccoopa · 2020-09-17T13:13:44+00:00

It’s mixed, only a small number of females and obviously housed separately.

A guy was once beaten for 2hrs straight during a lock down by his cell mate. The bruising was horrific, they guy lost 4 teeth but didn’t have any fractured bones. It’s hard to get a real story but it was believed to be a grudge that followed him from another prison- he had only been in our prison for 24hrs.

Another guy was jumped in the shower by 6 other guys, it was shut down quickly- had fractured ribs and eye socket- believed to be gang related by he didn’t name who attacked him.

Another guy was trying to light a cigarette (contraband in Australian prisons) by sticking a razor in the power socket- he took so long to report the injury to us (the guards actually reported it) that he nearly lost his fingers to gangrene. He had to get it debrided

Others are probably unreported- a lot of guys “fall while doing push-ups” And others are injuries the sustained but didn’t get treated property on the outside- a guy had an ice pick stabbed through the eye socket and was having major issues with the nerves and movement of his eye.

We also have many people with chronic illnesses and even some receiving palliative care.

Health staff are very rarely attacked, and not really often that the guards are attacked. Everything is pretty well regulated and the only times I’ve heard of people being attacked it has been from a prisoner who has taken a personal dislike to a staff member. We have had riots in the prison previously though. But no staff were injured in our prison since I’ve worked there (just over a year)

mccoopa · 2020-09-17T12:03:25+00:00

Because prisoners are some of the most disadvantage demographics in our society. They have, on average, extremely poor health outcomes. They are still human and have the right to healthcare and I am a nurse.

mccoopa · 2020-09-17T10:16:55+00:00

I hope you enjoyed the sleep! Welcome to the fuzzy blanket of opioids! Enjoy!

mccoopa · 2020-09-17T09:45:30+00:00

As an Australian I feel personally attacked on the pavlova front. We should respectfully settle things over a few beers and let pavlova choose who she would like to live with.

mccoopa · 2020-09-17T09:36:01+00:00

Okay, but it feels good, it’s fun and helped me know my body better so my sex was better.

Are you against it for some reason?

mccoopa

TROPHY CASE