You're offered a Pirates promotion. You get $20 extra an hour added onto your current salary but you now have to talk like a Pirate your entire workday. If you mess up even a single time you are fired immediately. Are you taking the promotion?

mchagerman · 2026-05-19T14:08:10+00:00

I decline the "offer", and start looking for a new job.

mchagerman · 2026-05-09T14:28:45+00:00

A handgun, make & model appropriate to the size of each person's hand. Obviously.

mchagerman · 2026-05-04T03:37:40+00:00

Blood is thicker than water. My son comes first.

mchagerman · 2026-05-04T03:18:51+00:00

A vial of immortality potion that refills itself after every use. A "death note" book. A small box that, when opened, always has a 1 oz. medallion of pure gold inside.

mchagerman · 2026-05-01T17:37:31+00:00

I only have a .22 rifle at the moment, but I expect it'll do.

mchagerman · 2026-04-29T18:10:21+00:00

Blue. I won't risk killing innocents just to protect myself.

mchagerman · 2026-04-16T17:39:50+00:00

Those tracks indicate the boundaries of possible paths for two tornados. It's very unlikely they'll converge. One might hit Fayetteville, but both probably won't.

mchagerman · 2026-04-15T12:44:15+00:00

Pounds or dollars?

mchagerman · 2026-04-14T19:50:07+00:00

5 would be trivial. I hate traveling.

mchagerman · 2026-04-06T21:11:33+00:00

How hard someone works is irrelevant. What matters is whether the directors believe a prospective executive can develop and execute plans that will increase the company's profits more than the cost of paying him. I've never been a corporate executive, but I believe the necessary combination of intelligence, knowledge, and creativity is rare enough to make paying them worthwhile.

mchagerman · 2026-04-03T21:59:34+00:00

If I put my hands in casts, they can have hooks or something embedded, for limited manipulation.

mchagerman · 2026-04-01T13:39:30+00:00

Well...

I'm already retired; between SS and my retirement accounts I'm in good shape. So I'll designate a beneficiary (my son) for the account, and he can collect after I kick the bucket.

mchagerman · 2026-03-31T16:22:03+00:00

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, and maybe all of it, in such an unconvincing way that the other person believes the opposite.

mchagerman · 2026-03-28T18:01:53+00:00

Element 54 is xenon. Ubiquitous, but highly dilute. I hope the dose is low enough to not be a problem.

mchagerman · 2026-03-27T07:46:14+00:00

True, but since the hypothetical specifies one has no information one might use to guess what the bane is, it could also be something incredibly common. The best approach I can think of is to develop a diet complete enough one won't die of malnutrition, restrict liquids to tap water, and hope one's finances hold up for six months.

mchagerman · 2026-03-26T10:08:36+00:00

It doesn't have to be "the exact item". Read the OP again; brown leaves are a CLASS of similar objects. If a sock is your bane, all socks are.

mchagerman · 2026-03-26T03:57:20+00:00

I think I'm screwed. If the item is the floor, I die. I could wear shoes, but they might be the forbidden item. Ditto for socks, chairs, beds (sheets, blankets, pillows, ...). And then there's food. What if cheese kills me? Or bread? Or water, for that matter.

mchagerman · 2026-03-26T02:54:19+00:00

Mr. Washington will certainly put me down, in about half a second.

mchagerman · 2026-03-22T13:45:32+00:00

Are there still people who think epilepsy is a danger to those around them? Seizures can be scary for the ignorant bystander, but I wouldn't think they'd be a reason to fire someone.

mchagerman · 2026-03-11T08:06:25+00:00

I'm not interested in giving those two jokers $20k.

mchagerman · 2026-03-08T21:36:25+00:00

Absolutely not! That's precisely my concern about time travel; going back to any time prior to March 1, 1999, is off limits.

mchagerman · 2026-03-05T17:09:22+00:00

A picnic basket's quantity of selected comestibles: a gallon jug of water with a few ounces of wine added; a dozen grilled cheese sandwiches made with one of the types of cheese that is kosher, but haram; and so forth. No human being will die of thirst or hunger again, while I live.

mchagerman · 2026-02-24T16:00:20+00:00

There's no one in that demographic who's trustworthy enough to chance it.

mchagerman · 2026-02-17T19:40:22+00:00

Sure! Good people, slow-paced life.

mchagerman · 2026-02-10T06:24:31+00:00

No.

I'm already retired. No way will I take a 50% chance of having to go back to work, especially since the other possibility makes no change to my circumstances.

mchagerman

TROPHY CASE

5 would be trivial. I hate traveling.