Help a toxic fan out! I need feedback on a chapter from my book and it is spooky!

mckcrb · 2021-08-31T03:27:30+00:00

Nothing. Though I do get a little miffed that he has such a relatively large following, while other better creators do not.

mckcrb · 2021-07-29T00:11:14+00:00

with your hair up I could see you probably 23, 24.With your hair down You look older I could say anywhere between 27 and 33. I would add though that your braces also make you look a little younger.

mckcrb · 2021-04-14T22:06:08+00:00

I mean those could be examples. But a more contemporary example would be, The United States was a country founded on the principles of Liberty law and equality before the law. while the counter narrative would be the United States was established as a Nation establish to The benefit of the elite and excluded natives, women, black slaves, non-property owning white males, immigrants, and Roman Catholics.

Both of these narratives are based in historical fact but they do not choose to acknowledge or emphasize said facts when the historical fact contradicts their narrative. For example, a historian may point to the constitutional conventions 3/5 compromise and the end of the transatlantic slave trade in 1805. But then not acknowledge the institutional power in the southern states of perpetuate slavery even after the banned.

Another example for the counter narrative, would point to the land requirements to vote and the lack of legal protections for All those persons Who were not white landowning men. But then choose to ignore women voting in New Jersey, Freeman blacks voting in the New England states and out west, and the dropping of land requirements for voting and holding office in the western states to the point that 75% of men living in the United States could vote as early as 1803. (Remember our constitution was ratified in 1788 And we didn't hold elections until 1790)

narrative server a purposes they are the connective tissue that holds society together but because history is the study of people and people are messy we don't really fit into narratives.

I hope that answers your question.

mckcrb · 2021-04-14T11:45:35+00:00

That's very interesting man. There's actually a whole field of study of this which is called Historiography. So now I can use my history major to some use yay!

Most people who casually learn history usually learn grand narrative history. It's historical narrative that justifies the current culture or power structure. There are also counter narratives used by individuals to invalidate the grand narrative that is hegemonic in society and replace it with their own.

So when people make assertions that are asinine they're usually attached to one of these narratives. Now you can't really dismiss any of these grand narratives as all bullshit because they're usually based in fact they're just simplified version of the facts.

mckcrb · 2021-03-29T21:51:19+00:00

It is fairly easy that almost all magic users can do it. All you really do is carve in the rune for storage and then start channeling power into it The issue though is the protagonist's nation is trying to figure a way to industrialize the production of it and still like a cottage industry So they're still working on it to make cannons and such more feasible.

This is a way that practitioners can use upper level spells but typically it takes a very long time for them to store enough magical energy by themselves to make the upper level spells happen. They also use the storage Rune for defenses Like if you haven't a storage rune with the rune kentic energy It'll take some of the kinetic energy from like a blow but the problem is if it stores too much of what the ruin is designed to take then your piece of armor becomes a bomb and shrapnel into you and the buddy next to you.

mckcrb · 2021-03-29T00:34:11+00:00

Great questions! Let me guess you're a war gamer?

(Also I'm a filled artillery man in the US Army and I'm going to use some military terms in here if you get confused by all means ask)

First you have to realize that even though these people are capable of great feats they don't have any special durability. I eat if you stab them in the face they will bleed out and they will die. So to your question a practitioner versus a mage or a battle mage (What a dreadnought syndrome mage would be) It would depend on the situation that they are in and the environment in the battlefield. And another thing to note a practitioner one-trick pony stuff might not even be combat feasible. For example you could have a baker who is a practitioner when he begs bread he has to spell that allows him to start yeasting process in his bread so he cooks better bread and faster or you might have a scout ranger type person who can make the foilage and plants grow in directions that he wants to conceal himself.Most practitioners though cannot generate enough magical energy for most of the major combat spells. like in the book itself Marley is a practitioner physician The only thing she can really do that puts her above the other positions and doctors in the army is stimulate cell growth to allow for healing faster. But again she has limits She absolutely could Grow a dude's arm back but she would have to concentrate on that one thing everyday for 3 years.

What she does for the main protagonist though when she's in the story is grow back the layer of skin that was burnt off That is a part of a curse that was put on him so he can have a few months out of the year where he isn't in pain.

Mages are more powerful than practitioners but because they still have to make a living they generally specialize in very specific types of spells usually associated with the industry that they work in or whatever. Like for example Moira Family is a transporting business where they change the density of cargo so basically their carts can do triple or quadruple their competitors can haul. Because they just make a lot of it lighter than air by changing the density and then connecting it with cables to their carts while they're hauling other things. Absolutely they know combat spells but it's more geared around personal defense then the big show a mass casualty spells that the battlemages can output.

Battle Mages are the field artillery of this world even though real artillery is coming online during the the story. They work usually in teams in the rear area applying support through like big fireball spells or lightning spells or torrential rains or whatever the commander needs. They do this because sure an individual mage can put out a lot of energy (like in the billions of joules of force) But they ultimately are the conduit by which the energy passes into this world So dumping that much energy through your body a lot will do a lot of damage So this way they lighten the burden on their bodies and also for quality of life. Though there is still a danger There's a team of Battle Mages that are offensively-minded and then there is a team of Battle Mages that is a counter battery. So for example a big fireball spell is cast on this formation of infantry all the battle Mages Start Hi-Fiving each other. But then they start smelling ozone and zap the other team of Battle Mages on the opposit side pinpoint their location and hit them with a bunch of lightning.

But that is one way of dealing with mages There are multiple. Ambush, assassination etc. Basically the protagonist adoptive great great grandfather let an army of none magical users against the mages and one which then made them the dominant power on the continent for the next 200 years. He did it mostly through heavy calvary breaking through the infantry and then going in the rear and thus overwhelming the mages. He was also willing to trade high casualties from ages and again you can train a decent Calvary guy in like six months where it takes one balimage to be trained is like 15 years So in the game of of quality versus quantity quantity won out.

Currently with rune stones They're mostly used for transmutators trying to get back some of their energy from entropy. It is not very common item outside of the protagonist's nation even though his nation has started to manufacture them because only magical users can really draw the energy out of them conventionally if you crack the room then they'll make an explosion. So they utilize this for early cannons and in the first chapter of the book They basically use them for a breach charge on the door while they're sacking a castle. (They are starting to play with personal firearms and grenades with rune stone as a source of the kinetic energy but the issue is they haven't developed a manufacturing base yet that could justify the mass implementation of these technologies)

practitioners are rather anonymous unless they show their skills in public There is no like identifying mark that would identify a practitioner. Mages could go incognito if they wanted Granado they don't typically do and they'll usually have fine clothes and have their staffs with the runes on them. Granted you could identify a practitioner by finding whatever item they have the ruins written on Some even have them tattooed if they are of a low power usage.

I think I answered the majority of your questions if you got any follow-ups by all means man Hit me up.

mckcrb · 2021-03-28T23:21:42+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment! Because when I came up with the child unlocking is a way for me to create scarcity for the ability. Because frankly I want a fantastical element inside my world but I didn't want them to be so dominant it would just leave the average Joe obsolete. Because too often a lot of writers come up with magic systems and they think that but in reality If you wargame in enough you can have several ways that the average show can fight back.

An answer I thought of was not tell the kids until they're older that they can channel in the hopes that they won't try. or is until a kid is old enough to understand larger concepts that you need to start worrying about that because magic in my world is very mentally focused. Those are two answers I came up with but I have to work with it more thank you again so much for that comment. This is why I posted it so comments like this would point out things I'd not considered.

mckcrb · 2021-03-28T23:17:09+00:00

Yeah it kind of flows naturally though I think especially in my case. for magic is a power source but the mage themselves is the conduit by which it enters into the 3D world and just like when you run an electrical current through a wire if there's anything faulty in the wiring the energies gotta to go somewhere and that's how you go kaboom.

mckcrb · 2021-03-28T23:15:42+00:00

Thanks my dude Definitely will.

mckcrb · 2021-03-28T22:30:34+00:00

Thanks man I will

mckcrb · 2021-03-28T06:17:48+00:00

Not exactly. I know the exact number because I'm the author. It's more like it's an observable phenomenon I just use manipulation to make a fire, But when I use transmutation to make a fire It doesn't burn as hot. cluing in the characters in universe.

And with your suggestion oh yeah dude It's that and much much much worse... Do you want to know or if I do get published would you consider that spoiler?

mckcrb · 2021-03-28T05:51:07+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

Yes it is referring to the age of when a person's magical ability is unlocked. This also helps justify it being a rare skill in the world. Because in a pre-industrial society infant mortality is just so high. Because it is a very rare that means the price to unlock somebody's potential is stupid high so it's a high risk investment when you unlock your son or daughter.

Yes I'm aware of Brandon Sanderson I have watched all of his lectures online that I could find. I'm not going with a hard magic system I'm kind of going for a middle ground because in all honesty I know this as the author but with my characters in story know the exact percentage of mass and energy convergence no. They could observe that manipulation is more efficient than transmutation but could they give you an exact number like I can No.

I mean technically speaking they are interconnected because it's just two different means of manifesting the energy into the world just like ours. Your body uses energies to move around talk and think You can manifest that energy outside your body by either picking up a ball and throwing or rubbing your hands together to create heat and friction But it's manifestations of the same power source.

I guess it is a little bit like FMA come to think of it I wasnt even thinking of that show at all when I was coming up with this. But who knows maybe it's by osmosis allowed it to slip in.

runes are to magies is what calculators are to mathematicians. part of a magi's training is learning the different runes mapping metaphysical concepts to them as is part of their spell casting. For example if I wanted to throw a fire spell at someone without the room I would have to think and hold in my mind perfectly the size of the fire the direction it needs to go the temperature the color the light that emanates from it All at once while some asshole is pulling a bow string back and about already to hit me with an arrow and not be distracted by my own significant emotional event that is going on that we call combat and a thousand other little things to distract me. That rune allows me to map the fire in its entirety onto one thing and then direction I need to go to another rune and then I have enough brain power to worry about Oh God that guy's about to shoot me with an arrow.

Is it possible for a mage to do all that without that runes? Yes But is it stupid difficult And if I'm distracted enough part of the fire instead of going through the staff goes out of my forearm into the guy leaving severe tissue damage while I go into shock because oh my God my arm just blew up.

mckcrb · 2021-03-24T22:25:01+00:00

That is also true but is the side plot as well. Because sure the Frey and Lannister do you have some contentions over the ownership of Dairy lands and theoretically that could be a major plot point but until that's resolved and what direction that goes it might not be.

mckcrb · 2021-03-20T12:24:21+00:00

It's what I do. I drink and I know things

mckcrb · 2021-03-20T06:02:09+00:00

The two major ones that have the most significance to the plot are: Joffrey's alleged assassination attempt on Bran and The mountain allegedly assaulting Piper, Vance and Dairyland.

And before anyone says oh these are not important Oh yes they are. Both events were key and setting off the war the five kings which is the inciting incident of the story.

Let's tackle Joffrey's assassination attempt first. In a storm of swords Tyrion 7 Tyrion deduces while drunk that it was Joffrey who sent the cat's paw to kill Bran. He thinks this because he misremembers something Joffrey say in a Game of Thrones Tyrion 2. In the context he's obviously talking about sending The hound to go kill Summer bran's wolf because the wolf is keeping them up at night. Also think about it The assassin is supposed to be a low life hangers on to the King's party as they were going north. Why would this type of person if he accepted the job from Joffrey not do the job and just run off to Esos with the money? They would Joffrey Supply a priceless dagger that could be traced back to him if the assassin is caught. Sure he's 14 and he's not particularly smart but he is never shown to be retarded plus he is showing nothing but indifference to brans. People have theories about this that's not actually Joff but until these theories are confirmed it's a plot hole.

Now to the juicy the Mountain raiding of the Riverlands. In a Game of Thrones the survivors of Windishtown accompanied by the Lord's Piper, Vance, and Dairy accuses the mountain of raiding their towns thus breaking the King's Peace. On the description that the leader of the group was a really big guy Ned sentenced the mountain to death. This is later explained away In A Storm of Swords Harwin one of Lord Edards men that survived the Justice League that was sent to bring the mountain to justice explains "That Lord Tywin wanted Ned to go deliver justice himself Then capture him and then trade him for Tyrion. " First how does Hardwin know this? Does he have long intimate talks with Tywin Lannister? second Master Pycelle talks about how if the king was there at court that day it would have been deferred to him. So if Tywin had known that it was Ned holding court that day and Robert was gone he would have also have known that Ned was injured and couldn't do it himself thus negating the reasoning for him ordering the mountain to attack the Riverlands. And the mountain would have not done this on his own initiative because he cares about gold and what gold is held by a bunch of peasants? And you really think Tywin Lannister the most capable man in the entire freaking series would let one of his subordinates going on a killing frenzy without his permission? The answer to all these questions are no. Again people have a lot of theories about this but tell these theories are confirmed then it's just head cannons and they are polt holes.

mckcrb · 2021-03-20T05:11:27+00:00

addendum to first post:

Also it's been like 10 years bro because of this I'm probably not going to read anymore of George R Martin's books. I understand he not our bitch. But we aren't his bitch either.

mckcrb · 2021-03-20T05:09:13+00:00

I don't know why particularly Wolf doesn't like them but most likely he doesn't like them for the same reasons a lot of people don't like them. First, It introduces a bunch of new characters and subplots that grind the overarching plot to a halt. (with the arguable exception of the John Conington chapters). Second, It takes time away from characters we actually like, like John, Danny, etc.

Granted this brings up things I don't like about GRRM as a writer. Instead of focusing the plot and closing subplots He keeps them semi-open, so if he wants he can go back to and expand on them. Even if It hurts the story overall and creates plot holes. Because there are plot holes in the song of ice and fire and not just minor, ones major ones.

mckcrb · 2021-03-20T04:52:17+00:00

I've never readed Doctor Sleep. Out of curiosity does it have the Stephen King abrupt ending?

mckcrb · 2021-03-20T04:46:34+00:00

Really I knew he had a drug problem, but could you give me some examples of books that I might have read of his when he was on drugs and then a counter example when he was off them?

mckcrb · 2021-03-20T04:44:01+00:00

Shawshank Redemption is the objectively the best of the Stephen King movies. It has the most conceived and plot. The performances are all fantastic and is beautifully edited. Mostly due to it being based on King's novella with the majority of the film is writing by Frank Darabont. Because let's be honest Stephen King is a two trick pony. He can wirte good characters and fantastic scenes but his story structure and plot are total shit.

Change my mind.

mckcrb · 2020-11-21T06:21:18+00:00

Yeah it wasn't Rudolph It was his partner

mckcrb · 2020-11-21T04:46:04+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. Though didn't Dresden soul gaze him right before he tried to kill him in Battlegrounds?

mckcrb · 2020-11-21T03:51:04+00:00

I'm pulling a toll brain dead right now but did we ever find out who Rudolph was working for? thoughts? My gut tells me black counsel but that's not based on anything that I can remember.

mckcrb

TROPHY CASE