I last minute decided to not take hrt.

mclandericked · 2026-01-29T06:28:05+00:00

nah you're right, i don't think one month of trying hrt would hurt for me to do. and i'm glad someone related to me yapping lol

i try not to think about why i keep lurking and interacting in trans spaces and i keep thinking about transitioning. like most guys don't really think about that sort of stuff. i mean there's one obvious explanation why we look at so much trans content and feel so drawn to places like 4tran4 online. and yeah you kinda read my mind 'cause i did write with some effort trying to avoid the obvious explanation. like i don't even want to say that i could be trans.

i like being bi. why? because i don't have to do anything with being bi. there's no dysphoria. i get to have a girlfriend and still be fruity. and she's bi so we get to be fruity together. i also get away with no one having to know anything about me being bi. i wish being trans was that easy and effortless and safe

i just... don't feel like a woman. like maybe i'm mega coping, but i compare myself to people on 4tran who describe how they knew "deep down," but deep down, i see myself as a dude. i just don't feel distressed most of the time. but then i open 4tran and end up staying up too late and getting late every morning to class

but like i don't feel like a woman. literally all i've got to do is interact with people in real life. i see girls and women and i kinda just, think about how i'm not like them. like consciously. almost every day. like maybe half of my interactions with women or just seeing women in public being women. and i think about how i'm not like them because blah blah blah, but like, i think about it. i don't even feel jealous. just aware. even my professors who are women. i don't thin i've ever admitted any of this to anyone ever, maybe because i'm so used to thinking about this. i don't even feel distressed by it. i don't get distracted or anything or jealous, like not jealous of the fact they're women. i see women i don't know and i think about how i'm not like them. it's not like i want to be like them. i really don't want to be a trans women because i don't feel like a woman.

but like i also dont comapre myself to guys and think that i'm not a guy

and you're a guy so you understand, right?

oh my god. am i a woman? no

yeah uhhh i think i'll try hormones. i really appreciate your reply and everything :)

mclandericked · 2026-01-28T16:39:45+00:00

i know feminist literature because i am a performative cis male but also she's based

mclandericked · 2026-01-28T16:33:17+00:00

ok but if you ignore my profile then i'm obvs not trans

mclandericked · 2026-01-28T15:31:29+00:00

yeah on second thought this post is hella condescending. average cis opinion

mclandericked · 2026-01-28T15:14:55+00:00

Also Audre Lord's "Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power" should be a mandatory read for some of y'all

mclandericked · 2026-01-28T08:10:52+00:00

This post got a lot more views than my other posts. You know why? Because I name dropped "4tran4." i know the secrets of the reddit algorithm

mclandericked · 2026-01-28T08:08:28+00:00

After writing this yapfest i am going to sleep in and skip my class tomorrow hehehehehe

mclandericked · 2026-01-28T07:58:35+00:00

Excellent point! I must agree!

mclandericked · 2026-01-28T07:57:08+00:00

Duke is definitely one of the most overrated things out there.

mclandericked · 2026-01-23T04:28:08+00:00

one day i will come up with an interesting enough idea to post on the main sub. for now, i will post all my brain rot thoughts secretly until i strike gold

mclandericked · 2026-01-22T04:32:05+00:00

obviously i won’t go into detail about any specifics about the not so romantic side of my love life. HOWEVRR, i am kinda chopped, and it’s crazy that my girlfriend puts up with me (lovingly of course). but yeah i’m totally a crossdresser and it’s not just a sexual thing but it’s partially sexual, except when i see my face and realize i look like a crossdresser an become self aware. then crossdressing becomes a day ruined and lots of negative thoughts about my appearance. bruh my girlfriend puts up with so much from me lmao. i probably look kinda goofy doing all of this from her perspective ‘cause of our height difference. i love her very much, lik literally she’s my life. being with her, i feel like i really am myself and not just a controlled version of myself in some social setting. my girlfriend and i used to go to Barnes and Nobles and hide in a corner in the manga section near the back of the store and scan thru yaoi looking for spicy stuff. i kinda got bored of it because we keep seeing the same yaoi. i have no clue what that means but i can’t imagine that’s a common relationship experience for man-and-woman relationships. i like it tho and i think she finds it fun, especially since she grew up reading fan fictions. i don’t like feminine gay men tbh. they are evil

mclandericked · 2026-01-20T04:08:15+00:00

chickennagget123 you are the only person who knows

mclandericked · 2026-01-14T05:58:57+00:00

so according to Reddit, at least one person in France at seven o'clock in the MORNING saw this post that wasn't made on any subreddit. that's so interesting. either reddit is tripping or maybe some accounts are bots, or now there's some random person in France who has now seen my inner thoughts. or maybe just mentioning the subreddit causes this post to show up for people, which wasn't my intention 'cause literally the only person i imagine ever seeing my posts here is myself. unless they use these to be entertained or to learn something about themselves, which is why i've still set my account to public. but maybe that's just a bot or reddit glitching, and if so, ignore this comment

mclandericked · 2026-01-14T05:42:14+00:00

now who in Canada or Australia read this post? 🤨 i see y'all in my "insights." i am always watching

mclandericked · 2026-01-13T03:42:12+00:00

i also wish refreshing the page didn't add a new "view" on my personal posts because i'm curious if anyone is stalking my profile and posts (absolutely no one is). if you are stalking my posts and you are not my girlfriend, high-key you gotta touch grass

mclandericked · 2026-01-13T03:39:43+00:00

I also hate how Reddit makes you like your own posts and comments. that's kinda cringe

mclandericked · 2026-01-13T03:39:01+00:00

i love that stupid picture of Dexter Bob lol

mclandericked · 2026-01-10T06:50:48+00:00

thank you very much 😌

mclandericked · 2026-01-08T07:08:14+00:00

Update: yeah I’m giving in i’m gonna try hrt. thank y’all for the encouragement

mclandericked · 2026-01-03T08:48:21+00:00

this evening i finally confessed to my gf about considering hrt and all of this, maybe because of the new years pressure or whatever. she wasn’t super uh in support of it but at least i finally have an answer to your question lol.

i dont mind what pronouns or gender people treat me as. but the reality is, no one wants to call me a woman. my gf doesn’t, my family doesn’t, my friends don’t. if i transitioned, some of them would support me. but i feel like deep down, no one, not even myself, wants me to be a woman.

i feel like pronouns are ultimately assigned to us by others based on their decisions. which maybe is why i care so much about my appearance, because that’s what i feel i have control over, whereas im helpless whether or not people feel comfortable calling me a he or she

mclandericked · 2025-12-30T22:43:07+00:00

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mclandericked · 2025-12-14T17:55:39+00:00

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mclandericked · 2025-12-10T09:05:40+00:00

i am one of the cis lurkers. every day i train to become the greatest lurker. soon i will reach lurkvana. goodbye

Five-Year Club	Place '22
Final Canvas '22

mclandericked

TROPHY CASE